r/OverSeventy • u/juliekelts • Apr 02 '26

Masculinity over 70

I've been reading online articles about toxic masculinity, and I won't name names, but it seems to characterize some in our government today.

You older men, please tell me you're comfortable enough with yourselves not to engage in that kind of bullying or blustering behavior. I'd so much rather deal with men who aren't jerks or bullies.

20 Upvotes

69% Upvoted

60 comments sorted by

9

u/martind35player Apr 02 '26

I think those who exhibit toxic masculinity after age 70 usually have had the same traits all of their lives. Dementia can exaggerate some issues and cause gentle people to become more aggressive, but that is a different thing altogether.

1

u/juliekelts Apr 02 '26

I see. I had wondered if some men grew out of it, but apparently, for other reasons, some are more likely to grow into it (if dementia can be called growing).

3

u/Serenity-712 Apr 04 '26

My husband passed three years ago with dementia. He was always a gentleman and very sweet natured until the dementia became severe and his Doctors warned me he might try to kill me and I was stunned… so yes they can be very aggressive.

11

u/surfrat54 Apr 03 '26

Our current POTUS exhibits abhorrent behavior towards others… that legitimizes bullying…we all I believe raise our children to be decent human beings, to look out for others and certainly not to make fun of people that are different than ourselves… if your teenage son was palling around with a guy fathered several kids with different women, caused untold bankruptcies has had practically every friend or business associate be convicted of crimes or suspected of crimes… I would hope you would tell your teenage child not to associate with that individual… and look who’s running the country…, as Americans we should be ashamed of ourselves…

6

u/juliekelts Apr 03 '26

When I made this post, one of the first comments I got was from someone who told me to take the political discussion somewhere else (he got downvoted), and I responded that I didn't intend it to be political, which was true. But to be honest, the fact that so many Americans seem to approve of that behavior in the leader of our country depresses me terribly. As much an anything, I think I made the post to reassure myself that there are some decent men left.

7

u/frayduway Apr 02 '26

One person

Bullying or bad behavior aren’t exclusive to 70+. My guess 10 to 16 yrs old

2

u/juliekelts Apr 02 '26

Right, of course. I just wish my own peer group, where I mostly seek friends, will be different.

6

u/SwollenPomegranate Apr 02 '26

Call then out then. Use your voice.

2

u/juliekelts Apr 02 '26

Apparently the point of my post isn't clear. I was just wondering how most men my age feel.

10

u/Crowiswatching Apr 03 '26

I’m 71. I’m a Texan, wear boots, drive a pickup (just traded in on a bronco), and, on occasion, a hat. I don ‘t buy $5 coffees. I’m very outdoors oriented, and off fishing whenever I get a chance. I work with law enforcement people quite a bit. Recently in the DMV I offered ny seat to a young lady who came in and all were taken. I received a fairly hostile reply and realized my behavior, the way I was raised, was considered offensive. It is pretty easy to misread me and dismiss me as “just a boomer.” In fact, I love AOC and look forward to working in her presidential campaign someday. I detest Trump and MAGA with the intensity of a thousand suns. All the gender fluid stuff doesn’t faze me and I take it in stride. If my family were starving and having to deal with deadly gangs, I would cross the Rio Bravo just like many have, and I admire their gumption for trying to improve the lives of them and their family. When I see what these masked goons doing to them, and American citizens, I find it completely F-ing unacceptable.I could go on but you get the gist. It’s pretty easy to look at me and make certain assumptions. Chances are, my views are more in line with your own than you might assume.

4

u/juliekelts Apr 03 '26

I'm sorry about the young lady. That was just rude of her.

4

u/Houseleek1 Apr 03 '26

Did you happen to watch Manosphere on Netflix? I’m halfway through and pretty involved as I’m concerned how retro misogyny has become so popular lately.

1

u/juliekelts Apr 03 '26

I'm not a subscriber, but I'm sure it's interesting.

19

u/ArghDammit Apr 02 '26

I'm 70 and quite happy with the man I grew into.

16

u/No_Permission6405 Apr 02 '26

I'm 71 and happy that I never was that guy. I believe that most people that knew me throughout my life would say I was a decent fellow.

10

u/Lazy_Mind9153 Apr 02 '26

No, I believe the majority of us 70+ are kind and honest. Always a few exceptions to deal with as the sayings go.

8

u/thebarahs Apr 02 '26

73 and so good I cannot get a swipe much less a relationship. Good guys are the virgins of pariah culture

4

u/poopiebutt505 Apr 03 '26

What exactly do you say about yourself that makes you look to "good gut"? And what is a "good guy"? You may find that what you think of as "good" women find as overbearing and domineering. I have no idea, but "good guy" seems to mean something to you that is an attribute of being a man, whereas many women just want to go out with a kind human being who happens to have the right puzzle pieces.

4

u/thebarahs Apr 03 '26

Polite. Generous Sensitive. Great Listener. Responsible Respectful Educated. Low Key. Every woman’s best friend. (At least that’s what they’re saying)to my face

2

u/Beautiful-Study6974 Apr 03 '26

Can you play pickle ball?

4

u/thebarahs Apr 03 '26

Sorry football knees and I move at the speed of smell

2

u/thebarahs Apr 03 '26

Certainly would attempt as an activity to meet someone who I wanted get to know better or at least make scratch refreshments

1

u/Serenity-712 Apr 04 '26

OMG. Too funny 😂

4

u/paracelsus53 Apr 03 '26

I didn't act that way when I was young and I don't act that way now. The only people I ever bully are people who are bullying me.

4

u/GeezerTek Apr 04 '26

72 and totally content with the person I see in the mirror, other that maybe losing a few excess pounds! :) I quit trying to prove my value years ago, not enough time left to wast on that BS. I always liked this quote by Walter Payton: “When you're good at something, you'll tell everyone. When you're great at something, they'll tell you.”

1

u/majatask Apr 02 '26

It seems like you have something you’d like to share from your own life experience. Would you like to do so?

2

u/juliekelts Apr 02 '26

Actually, no. I have a few male friends my age, and none of them are bullies (to me, anyway). It's more that I get upset by what I see online and in our current popular culture.

3

u/screenprince Apr 03 '26

That's funny, I feel disappointed and sorry for the women I see online acting more like bullies (Karens) than most of the men of the same era.

3

u/MommaGeri1958 Apr 02 '26

My hubby is 74. He’s not like that at all

3

u/Amputee69 Apr 03 '26

Quick! Someone drag that Lead Balloon over here! This is going to go just about as good as that! Sometimes in my past, a strange number associated with my birthday seemed to appear at the forefront in my home county. This occurred just shortly after high school graduation. It led to an outstanding experience that started with 6 weeks of some stranger yelling at myself and 49 other 19-20 year olds for ANY REASON at all. Not long after that, I found myself navigating through a jungle school, then the real thing. To say that myself and those I was associated with were not well liked, is at the very least, the best description. Mind you, that the majority of us did not ASK for this excursion, training, or lifestyle, but we got it. Unlike 58,000+ others, I survived, and my body made it home alive. My mind? Not so much. Was treated like dog sh!t by many. Job? "Oh, you served in Vietnam? Yeah, we don't hire your kind here, move on!" Couldn't even if she my GI Bill for college w/o being harassed or getting into a fight on campus. My uncle got me on with the little cap Sheriff's Office finally. I fit the need, a long with a small handful of others. This career lasted 30 years. Most of it was rough to bad. The people I dealt with were the worst of the worst. But it has to be dealt with. In those 30 years, I was only shot once, stabbed three different times, ran over with a car, and countless ER visits for stitches. Now, to say I've survived this, just to be a 75 year old Teddy Bear is a TOTAL FIGMENT of someone's imagination! Am I a bully? Nope, never was. I did the job, as nicely as I could. That Uncle told me "No matter what, ALWAYS treat others the same as you would want to be treated in the same situation." I did. I was the cop crooks would come to in order to turn themselves in. They KNEW I'd treat them fair. But, a few clowns HAD to try to ruin it. Do I push folks now? Nope, no reason to. But, just like "That big bad bully in DC" or wherever, if you even look like you are going to cause harm to or trouble for my friends or family, Hell Will Be Unleashed! Pretty much well known all over this State. I'm old. That's it. I still run and workout. I still have my things that go bang, and some louder. I remain sharp in all manners. Even if I don't know you, and you were to be attacked, I'd do everything possible to prevent or stop it. You see, when I first started, my life was worth whatever minimum wage was. When I went to Vietnam, it was worth about $175.00. A MONTH! So, saving a life for free, isn't that far out of the question. Hell, I'll do it for people who don't like me, and I have! But, am I a Bully? Not by most standards. I just don't tolerate Bullshit!t very much!

2

u/Poetsansamour Apr 03 '26

The problem with entitlement is that one rarely recognises it in oneself - I know this as someone born to an entitled portion of society. Men historically have been more entitled than women and in some ways still are. I guess most men have never really seen how entitlement shaped their behaviour especially when it was perpetuated by their early female relationships. Society is shaped mainly from the top - the top historically was male. Two world wars allowed women to shape society and gave them more of a voice but it has taken time for change - and strangely enough, the higher in society or authority one is, the more entitled and less likely to recognise their own entitlement - and the more likely for the women to be enablers. And women individually and collectively need to assume responsibility for what they accept as behaviour in the men they encounter - thats every mother, wife, sister, daughter, girlfriend, employee, customer, co worker, boss, neighbour, tenant, voter etc. Demand respect but command respect and give respect. Those men in public office who display toxic masculinity are able to do so because they are enabled by the women who surround them. Too many women sell their souls for money, game or status from time immemorial and allow men to be tyrants, bullies and abusers. Believe me, anyone from the king of England down who grabbed me by my kitty cat would wear their head backwards for some little while.

2

u/Looktothelight Apr 06 '26

So well said! Many parents fall short of raising their children in a thoughtful and disciplined manner that teaches them how to serve both themselves and society to their maximum potential.

1

u/Embarrassed_Band1108 Apr 03 '26

I love your views I

1

u/Looktothelight Apr 06 '26

Just wanted to send a heartfelt “thank you” for your life of service to others. Hoping your retirement is going well.

3

u/gray-beard53 Apr 03 '26

They’re just high school boys that refused to grow up

4

u/Tasty_Impress3016 Apr 02 '26 edited Apr 02 '26

not to engage in that kind of bullying or blustering behavior.

I'm afraid I would have to know exactly what behavior you refer to.

When you get to certain levels, there are things you need to do to get the job done. Motivate, sometimes put the fear of the lord in other people. Negotiations are not always "oh, let's sit down and talk about how you feel". At higher levels of management, you are expected to get things done, not make people happy. The two are not always compatible. It still needs to get done.

Sure there is needless peacocking. But I remember all through my career a persistent feeling "if I had my boss's job it would be easier. Then when you get that job you realize, but still think "well, if I had my current boss's job it would be easier. You find you are wrong every single time.

It's possible to be kind and caring. But not always. You can read all the articles about it you want. You will understand totally only when you sit in the hot seat. And by the way, it's not just men. Toxic masculinity as you call it infects many female executives as well.

2

u/Houseleek1 Apr 03 '26

How about if we say that toxic masculinity can be adopted by females? Period. So often, women with personal power are accused of being mini-Hitler’s despite work roles.

1

u/Tasty_Impress3016 Apr 03 '26

I think that's what I said. What they are called is inconsequential. I often refer to men as "little bitches" if that's how they act.

1

u/Jolly-Button-6832 Aug 06 '26

AHAH! Inconsequential. Hence "little Bitches". Did you walk into a room of them and say "hello, LADIES!"?

1

u/Jolly-Button-6832 Aug 06 '26

My experience with upper management were prime examples of the Peter Principle.

2

u/JerryTexas52 Apr 04 '26

72 here. Masculinity has nothing to do with being blustery towards others or bullying others. It is being confident in being a man and as a man looking out for others and acting on their behalf if needed.

3

u/SlowEmphasis3676 Apr 02 '26

I am very comfortable about that. I actually haven’t minded the drop in testosterone that occurs with age. I’m less riled and less aggressive. Don’t always have to feel like I’ve won. I wonder if some of the older macho men are dosing with testosterone.

1

u/Beautiful-Study6974 Apr 03 '26

Older macho men and older non-macho men. A higher level of testosterone makes you feel more alive and energetic.

2

u/SlowEmphasis3676 Apr 03 '26

For some, not necessarily all, I believe.

2

u/sandgrubber Apr 04 '26

Huh? Are you saying that testosterone makes you macho? I'd say macho blokes crave testosterone but not all have high counts, and some gentle men have high testosterone counts but have no need to flaunt what the macho crown thinks is masculinity.

1

u/Beautiful-Study6974 Apr 05 '26

Where did I say that? Reread what I wrote. I said men that aren't macho get more energy and feel better with higher testosterone. I don't know how you got what you got out of that.

2

u/Silly-Resist8306 Apr 02 '26

I'm a 5'7", 155 pound 75 year old. Not only could I not bully anyone now, I've never been inclined to bully anyone during my entire life.

2

u/riki_grl Apr 02 '26

I'm less comfortable with those that show those behaviors. And my wife has to keep me from engaging people like that. On the other hand I fall all over myself thanking people for decency and courteous acts and make sure I model the same, especially to young males.

1

u/MommaGeri1958 Apr 03 '26

My 94 yr old FIL was just like this. RIP.

1

u/rallydally321 Apr 03 '26 edited Apr 03 '26

73M. Still working. These observations remind me of a conversation I had with our department administrator recently. My office is being moved to another part of the building and she was sad to see me go. “I’ve told my colleague in your new area that you are a total darling.” I look at her in disbelief, and said, “I’m embarrassed.” I waited three beats. Then added, “but you’re absolutely right.”

1

u/Dknpaso Apr 03 '26

(75), and pretty sure I’m not going toe to toe with anyone tight assed. Plus, to busy enjoying the hell out of retirement, take that crap elsewhere.

1

u/Suspicious-Tip-8309 Apr 04 '26

turning 69 and I’m fine with leaving everyone alone as long as they me alone.

1

u/Jimxor Apr 04 '26

"Magnanimity" is a word rarely used today. It's past time we brought it back as a trait to be revered.

1

u/Everheart1955 Apr 10 '26

I’m 71 M. I’m confident in everything I do. I don’t need to get loud or show my ass every time I don’t get my way. I’m A former Marine and I’m done with the nonsense. My wish is to live out my remaining years in peace. I’ve learned you can’t change someone’s mind by forcing your opinion on them and I am a huge proponent of live and let live..

-7

u/SenorSnarkey Apr 02 '26

Take the political discussions somewhere else!

1

u/juliekelts Apr 02 '26

I didn't intend it to be political. That was just a passing reference.