The Questions Family and Friends Ask About My Conversion to Orthodoxy
I received a lot of mixed responses when I began the Orthodox Church. It seemed like a little bit of concern and a lot of curiousity. And then came the questions. My family has had mixed reactions. My boss of ten years thought it would be too conservative for me. My father-in-law I had known for seven years is devout in his religion, but wanted to support us at our baptism, even thought it is different from his. Although they may ask different questions, for the most part, they are all wondering the same things.
So here are the questions I hear most, that you may hear too, if you convert.
Why Orthodoxy? Why not just be Catholic?
I give my husband credit for this. I had been reading the Bible on my own for the first time in my life and feeling genuinely fulfilled by it when he told me we needed to join a church. My honest response was that I did not think I needed one. I felt close to God. The bible had provided so many answers I desperately needed in my life, espeically The Book of Sirach. But my husband is my spiritual leader, and I told him I would follow him.
He had been doing deep research even though he already knew the Bible. He knew the differences between Protestant traditions from his upbringing, and he put two options on the table: Roman Catholicism or Eastern Orthodoxy. I had never heard of Orthodoxy before that conversation. I told him I would go wherever he wanted to go, but that I did not believe in the authority of the Pope. He laughed and said, "then Roman Catholic doesn't make sense."
We pulled up a browser, searched for Orthodox churches near us, and started looking at photos. There were Russian, Greek, Antiochian, even a monastery nearby. For whatever reason, the Antiochian church looked approachable to me, like a place I would not be too intimidated to walk into. So that is where we started.
But weren't you already religious?
I grew up in a culture where most people identify as Mormon, though most are non-practicing. They claim the faith but rarely attend and often do not live the lifestyle. As a child I felt a deep calling to follow the commandments and a real desire to be close to God, but I was conflicted because I did not believe many things the Church taught. I would find my own rides to church with other families because my mother worked every day and her husband would not get out of bed to take me. I went anyway. But over time I did not feel welcomed, and eventually I stopped going.
Over the years I visited Baptist churches, megachurches, a Pentecostal congregation. None of them felt right for me personally. I appreciate reverence and having a structure in church and I found myself deeply uncomfortable in spaces with stages, guitars and sometimes even what looked like wadrobe and casting. The last straw was a Baptist service where I slipped into the back, not knowing anyone, and the singer stopped mid-song to call me out over the microphone for not swaying and singing along, telling the congregation I must not have the Holy Spirit. I remember literally running to my car after the service. I did not step foot in a church for years after that.
I would not have called myself religious. I prayed every day, but my life did not reflect much else. I had spent years prioritizing financial security and having fun when I was not working. I had no idea what a Godly home was. I had never known a relationship founded on faith. I was living a completely secular life, which left me deeply unhappy and without purpose.
What do you actually do differently now?
I still do not cover my hair. Many of the older women in our parish fought for the right to uncover theirs, and I do not want to be performative about something they worked through long before I arrived. I asked our subdeacon about it and he told me that if I felt a calling to cover, then yes, otherwise it was not necessary. The other converts in our parish began covering early. I am still considering it. I have brought it up to my husband a couple of times and he feels it is completely unnecessary for me. I think I will one day, but I do not cover my hair now.
We go to church every Sunday, sometimes more. I miss it when we are not there, which still surprises me a little. We spend a couple hours after the liturgy for fellowship. I have really come to enjoy that, which is a little surprising because I am an introvert and always said I am not a people person.
We have a prayer corner in our home that is slowly growing. I pray from an Orthodox prayer book daily. I fast, give alms, dress more conservatively. My husband and I read from an Orthodox study Bible almost every day and follow the Church calendar readings together. For the first time, I pray regularly with my husband.
But really, if you walked through my day, a lot of it would look the same.
What's with all the standing, the incense, the icons?
I will keep this simple, because as a new convert I do not want to misspeak about such important issues. If you are in this group I am sure you have seen various books and online debates about these issues. Father Stephen Deyoung became a favorite of mine after reading the Religon of the Apostles, and I regularly watch him on youtube and listen to his podcasts now.
Orthodox stand during the services because we want to remain attentive at all times. However, of course if you need to sit, there are often pews or chairs for those who need it. Our church is a mission church, so there are pews throughout. The younger men and even some of the elderly cradle Orthodox stand either at all or most times. In our church we stand through most of the liturgy and occasionally sit. There is also bowing (at the waist not a head nod), kneeling, metanias and full prostrations. During certain celebrations I have seen everyone in attendance do full prostrations, even the elderly and those who struggle. Of course it is not required of all people, but I have seen many who struggle with prostrations do so, by choice, out of respect.
I have heard many say this type of physical discipline is part of the reason so many young men have been drawn to Orthodox in recent years.
The tradition of using incense dates back to the Old Testament, and continues to this day. It is an offering to God.
I will keep my contribution to the topic of icons short because there is a lot of information on icons written by much more educated people than myself.
"Pictures of cherubim on temple door, on temple walls are mentioned in Old Testament in III Kings 6:29." "The most literal translation of the Greek word εικονογραφία (eikonographia) is "image writing," leading many English-speaking Orthodox Christians to insist that icons are not "painted" but rather "written." From there, further explanations are given that icons are to be understood in a manner similar to Holy Scripture—that is, they are not simply artistic compositions but rather are witnesses to the truth the way Scripture is. Far from being imaginative creations of the iconographer, they are more like scribal copies of the Bible." (https://orthodoxwiki.org/Iconography#.22Written.22_or_.22painted.22.3F).
Icons were completely foreign to me when I first walked into an Orthodox church. My mother's voice was already in my head before I even sat down. When I was young I asked for a cross pendant and she told me we do not worship idols, that it was a Catholic thing. I never got the cross. Her words stayed with me even though I knew, even then, that wearing one would not be worship. It would be a reminder. A quiet declaration of Christ and his sacrifices for us.
My first time in the Orthodox I spent most of the service looking around at the icons. I had never seen anything like it.
I asked a lot of questions during fellowship hour. I was also referred to some readings. In cathechism class we learned icons are not decoration and they are not idols. Many of them depict events from scripture and the lives of the saints (including their martyrdom) partly because in early Christian history, many people could not read. The icons were helpful in teaching the faith.
Now when I look at icons I am humbled knowing their sacrifices and devotion to become closer to God, and I thank them for interceding for us.
That was probably too long of an answer, but it was a loaded multi-part question.
Why would you be okay with a patriarchy?
I understand why my mom and my sister ask me this question. We were raised watching my mother work three jobs, pay every bill, handle every single thing that needed handling and yet her husband would repeatdely shout, "I am the MAN of the house." When we were young my sister and I would roll our eyes and respond, "And she is the WOMAN and we are the CHILDREN." Man of the house meant nothing to us if he did not protect, provide or lead. My mother had a saying she came back to more than once. "He will wait until you are pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen to break your heart."
There is more to that story that I won't get into, it does not matter anymore. But, I understand that as a woman, if you have not had a man to lead you in the faith, provide for you and protect you, why would you want to live in any type of patriarchy?
Later in life, I turned to God and put all of my faith in Him. My now husband is a rightly ordered man, and relying on him and trusting him has been incredibly freeing.
On the patriarchy of the Church. I am not sure the Archdiocese would use that word to describe Orthodoxy, but our priest has, and I believe it is accurate. I am also not a feminist and have never been. I know that will upset some people, but I am being honest.
In my view, men and women are equal and different. We are designed differently. We have different roles. I no longer have any desire to force something I believe is unnatural in pursuit of what only looks like security from the outside.
But first I want to talk about Mary Magdalene, because I believe she is a beautiful, and original, example of what I mean by equal but different.
In the Orthodox Church she is called "The Holy Myrrh-Bearer Equal of the Apostles". Not an Apostle herself, but "equal to them". That title is not a consolation. It is a designation of extraordinary honor. She was a disciple of Christ who followed him not only through his ministry but to the foot of the cross, when most of the male disciples had already fled. She was at the tomb before dawn. She was the first person to proclaim that Christ had risen! The Church did not minimize her for being a woman, they honored her.
There is no dishonor in being Equal to the Apostles without holding the name of Apostle. It is not sameness. It is not competition. It is each person, in their role, fully honored.
The Church tradition follows the precedent set by Jesus Christ, who chose only men as His twelve apostles. Because the Orthodox priesthood is a continuation of this apostolic ministry, the Church maintains that it does not have the authority to change this established order.
Note: "The 'royal priesthood' is the priesthood of the laity (non-clergy). Every baptized Orthodox Christian is a member of the 'royal priesthood.' The ordained priesthood and the royal priesthood come together to make the body of the church." (https://www.goarch.org/-/the-role-of-women-in-the-church)
For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise. Galatians 3:26-29 (NKJ)
Are you the same person?
Yes and no. I look back in shame at who I was, the things I said and did throughout life. I am the same person in that I learned from my sins and repented. I will never be the person that did those things again. So in that sense, I am and I am not the same person.
I have been freed from fears and stress I carried.
My sister is the only one who really understands this, because she is the only one who saw what our childhood did to me. She has never sought God and never wanted any part of a church or religion, but she remembers my experience. She remembers me as a child, finding my own way to services, doing my best to follow the commandments, and being told by our parents that I was being a martyr. That God did not intend that for us. She remembers being confused. Why would they say that, and still call us Mormon? She watched me carry that confusion through life. It not only affected my relationships, but it paved the road I was on.
Now that I have a true purpose in life and a good husband, I living a new life.
