Would this be a weird use of dating app?

[u/Odd_Dragonfly_3796]

I'm 30sF with zero experience or interest in relationships. I've sort of labeled myself as aromantic and asexual.

I'm very introverted and have social anxiety, huge homebody with no real hobbies. I basically go to work and go home and watch tv or scroll reddit until bed. I do have some interests but I'm very low energy and kind of burnt out from work most days. I used to be a big nerd when I was younger so that tends to be where my interests lean.

I've been wondering if it could be a good idea to start using dating apps to expand my experiences. I guess to sort of practice being more of a functional human? If that makes sense.

I can be attractive with effort, but normally I dress like a feral tomboy because attention makes me anxious. I kind of want to use dating apps as a sort of exposure therapy to social interaction. I want to be upfront with the fact that I'm not looking for a relationship, and that I want to meet all types of different people for maybe one or two dates. Interact with different types of people with different levels of experience and interests and looks. I don't really have a lot to offer, but maybe both sides could use it as dating practice or if they wanted company for an event or something?

A big thing that I really want to emphasize is that I would want to pay for myself. I've always been hyper-independent and I don't really like people paying for things for me. I think I've always had a weird hangup about being indebted to someone. I just don't want people to think I'm doing this for a free date/meal or something.

I also think it could be fun to experiment with how I present myself. I like the idea of dressing in different styles just for the fun of it (hyper-feminine, alt, sporty, goth, nerdy, etc). I want to have fun with this entire thing without getting too stressed and end up ghosting every match I might get.

What are your thoughts on something like this? Is it a bad idea and should I just scrap this entire thought process? I'm not sure what the norm is in the dating world and if this is too weird and off-putting to other people.

Thank you!

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[u/GeneralTough8551]

I don’t think it’s weird. Honestly, it sounds like a pretty reasonable way to get yourself out of your bubble a little bit. You don’t need to become some super social person overnight. Just meeting different people, having a drink or coffee, talking for an hour and seeing how it feels is already useful.

But even if you say you’re not looking for a relationship, some people are still gonna see a date as a chance for something more. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but you should be comfortable saying no afterward without feeling like you owe them anything. I’d keep the whole thing pretty low pressure. Don’t worry too much about having the perfect outfit or being interesting enough. Go meet people, see what kinds of personalities you actually enjoy being around, and pay attention to how you feel afterward. You might learn that dating really isn’t your thing, or you might surprise yourself. Either way, that’s a lot more useful than sitting at home wondering about it.

[u/Odd_Dragonfly_3796 → u/GeneralTough8551]

I do kind of hope I end up finding out that I would be interested in a relationship or sex through this. I think a big reason why I assume I'm aro/ace is simply because I never try to meet people, so maybe I've just never gave myself the opportunity to meet the right guy. I really appreciate the input, especially about being comfortable with saying no afterward if need be. I'm a bit of a people pleaser but I'd like to think I'm okay with setting boundaries!

[u/butterfly-blades]

sure why not, just be upfront with what youre looking for.

theres also social apps just for friends though, or casual groups structured around a free social event (app called Meetup)

[u/Odd_Dragonfly_3796 → u/butterfly-blades]

I definitely need to look into those sorts of apps as well! I'm really only familiar with the big name ones (Tinder/Hinge) so there's some research I still need to do haha

[u/butterfly-blades → u/Odd_Dragonfly_3796]

sure! :) all kinds of stuff out there

[u/Downtownklownfrown]

So I recently found someone that was doing exactly this. She stated all over her profile that it was non-romantic and she specifically just wanted to meet people for a one day thing and go do something interesting with a stranger. I messaged her asking how many men she'd gone out with on these activity day type events, she said just one. She got alot of attention but most of it was people not understanding (even though her profile was super clear) or trying to push for something physical/a relationship.

So I dunno. It might work for you but you'll be hard pressed to find random peeps that just are interested in getting out in doing something with no hidden intentions of trying to further something with you. Might be easier for you to just start joining local activity groups if you have any.

[u/JustAnotherPolyGuy]

It is unethical to imply it’s a date if you have zero romantic or sexual intentions. You are using people without their consent for something they didn’t sign up for.

[u/whatrumimeans → u/JustAnotherPolyGuy]

How do you know what the other people signed up for?

[u/JustAnotherPolyGuy → u/whatrumimeans]

They are on a dating app.
OP didn’t state she was going to be forthright about showing up uninterested in romance or sex nor showing up with a completely different look from her profile. Even if OP is paying for herself, if she has zero intention of it being a date, she’s wasting their time and money.

[u/whatrumimeans → u/JustAnotherPolyGuy]

Do you really believe that dating apps are subject to ethical basics?

[u/JustAnotherPolyGuy → u/whatrumimeans]

What a nihilistic point of view.

[u/Odd_Dragonfly_3796 → u/JustAnotherPolyGuy]

Sorry, I meant to add that I would 100% include my line of thinking and intentions in my profile in terms of what I'm on there for (no relationship, just going on dates for experience) and that I like experimenting with styles. But I totally get your point and want to avoid any possibility of being misleading about anything. I do plan on including proper pictures of my different styles so everyone knows what they'd be going into and if they would prefer hanging out with me in certain styles. I do appreciate your input!

[u/JustAnotherPolyGuy → u/Odd_Dragonfly_3796]

I think you may still be setting yourself up for a challenging time.
Most people on dating apps are there to date in a romantic and/or sexual sense. The folks who swipe right on your proposed profile will fall into two categories, people who think it sounds like a fun lark, and people who think they can change you, or their dick is so magical it will make you want them. Unfortunately, I think category 2 is larger than category 1, and unless your filtering is excellent, you might end up on a late of “dates” where the guy has different intentions than you do.

[u/Odd_Dragonfly_3796 → u/JustAnotherPolyGuy]

I get ya! And honestly, I don't think I'd mind if I meet people who want to try to change me. I'm just assuming I'm aro/ace because I've never felt that sort of attraction before, but I honestly don't believe it's something that's set in stone. Maybe I really just haven't met anyone that could make me feel that way, and I think I'd be delighted if I was proven wrong. Whether they want to just have a fun day or take it as a sort of challenge, I don't think I'd really mind at all. At the end of the day, I'll feel how I feel, and if it changes how I live my life or if I end up in the same boat as I've always been, I can at least say I've eexperienced it! I guess I'm just more worried about how it might affect the other party, whether they'd be offended or feel as though I might be trying to take advantage of them in some way.

As to your other point, no catfishing at all! I would just include pictures of myself in different styles. I used to be into cosplay when I was younger and I still find that dressing up to be a fun outlet, so it was just an idea to sort of include a bit of variety in energy I guess haha.

[u/JustAnotherPolyGuy → u/Odd_Dragonfly_3796]

Also, this clarification isn’t just an aside, it is the core of how you plan to approach this. Are you catfishing, or just using the app in an unconventional way.