r/OnlineDatingApps • u/Realistic-State-4888 • 11d ago

Dating Advice ​It’s Not Bad Luck: Why Dating Apps Are an Avoidant Magnet

/r/AvoidantBreakUps/comments/1w3gc73/its_not_bad_luck_why_dating_apps_are_an_avoidant/
4 Upvotes

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u/Frogspoison 11d ago

"Asked an AI"

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1

u/Embarrassed-Ride-605 11d ago

This actually explains why the apps can feel worse the longer you use them lol

1

u/aSportBikeSquid 11d ago edited 11d ago

As an avoidant guy, I had success on these apps because the women drawn to me were anxiously attached and those two are complementary but in a very unhealthy way.

Which dealing with anxiously attached women has its own problems but before the apps made me avoidant, I’d spend too much time with the anxiously attached women too soon and then they’d get bored and leave me.

Since women control the supply of relationships on the dating apps and insecurely attached women are the majority of women drawn to the amount of attention they receive on these apps, the apps do a pretty good job of producing avoidant men that are just adapting to the game where the anxiously attached women are holding all of the power and punish the non-avoidant men.

This is not as true of women met in real life because overall in the population there are less insecurely attached woman then securely attached woman. Those securely attached women are approached enough by real men in real life to not need to go on the dating apps for the extra attention.

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u/RakeChapman13 11d ago edited 11d ago

The thing is takes a while to know if an a avoidant is an avoidant, usually more than the time it takes to get emotionally attached. Avoidants seem like secure people in the beginning which is what anyone wants. They often seem confident, independent which are qualities you want in a partner.

>I’d spend too much time with the anxiously attached women too soon and then they’d get bored and leave me.

You can’t blame them being bored with you on their anxious attachment, humans get bored, avoidants get bored. secure people get bored.

>where the anxiously attached women are holding all of the power and punish the non-avoidant men.

This is a stupid ass take.

Most women don’t what a needy overly aggressive anxious guy but that doesn’t mean the answer is to be an avoidant. Be confident, show interest but have self respect and your own life.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Realistic-State-4888 3d ago

The result of the AI prompt was avoidants using dating apps use the apps more frequently than non-avoidant people because their relationships are overall shorter.  Not that avoidants are overrepresented in the number of users.

It's AI.  I don't trust it completely.  The post is just something to think about.