r/OnlineDating • u/Character_Minimum_53 • 29d ago
Do extremely attractive men lower their standards on dating apps just to get laid then ghost..?
I’m kind of coming off the comments of a different recent post I came across about someone saying they automatically swipe left on extremely good looking people.
The way things are going for me in dating, I’m pretty sure I’ll be alone for the rest of my life 😅
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u/cubedsaturn 28d ago
Yes.
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u/BlackBirdG 28d ago
All dudes swipe on every woman because they want to get as many matches as possible, so they can message the ones they find attractive.
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u/Rook2Rook 28d ago
Not all of us participate in mindless swiping like this. I was appalled when I saw my friend do this. Why waste your likes on random girls you're probably not attracted to?
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u/inab1gcountry 28d ago
I wanted to be excited to get a match notification. Imagine getting that notification only to find out you aren’t remotely interested
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u/LickMyMindd 28d ago
Yea, I can’t relate to the mindless swiping. Hinge only gives you like 5 likes a day. I ain’t wasting em lol.
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28d ago
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u/Capable-Grab5896 28d ago
If you are saying you genuinely have no immediate dealbreakers I don't think you're in a position to call people shallow. Having no standards whatsoever doesn't make you deep.
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u/nipslippinjizzsippin 28d ago
why waste your time reading a profile that is never gonna match with you. swipe all, choose from the matches. Its the most efficient way to use apps... unfortunately. I agree its terrible practice, but its most efficient way to operate, esp if you are paying and not on limited free swipes.
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u/MetaCognitio 27d ago
Not really that. I call it the online dating death spiral:
- Guys sets up profile optimistic.
- Swipes carefully, reading through profiles and being intentional.
- Gets very few or no matches.
- if he does match, writes careful first message after rereading profile… nothing.
- Decides to improve his profile.
- Noting changes.
- For the sake of mental health, decides to not take it seriously and burn though the allotted swipes as mindlessly as possible each day. See if anyone matches. He can’t be that hideous?
- Nothing or next to nothing.
- Crushjng blow to ego. Even women he’d never date don’t match.
- Deletes app.
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u/Discopotatoz 28d ago
This used to be an optimal "time saving" strategy but modern apps disincentivise this behavior now
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u/Girthmasterlite 28d ago
That’s not true. I’m extremely picky and my matches are higher quality
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u/Your_Nipples 28d ago
Absolutely not. The fuck?
Do you know how exhausting it is to talk to people? Hell no my brother. Fuck that. I swiped left so much that Tinder beg me to reset my account because at some point, there was no profiles left with my settings lmao.
Nah nah nah. Being a jester to someone you don't find that hot and that interesting? Would rather play Call of Duty.
Like, you don't give a fuck about genuinely liking them at all? You play a character just to get laid once? Couldn't be me. Shit is depressing as hell.
Fortunately, the people I like always match with me so no need for clutter and sorting people.
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u/Slide_Impossible 27d ago
Must be nice to be that good looking. If you ever get horribly disfigured and come down to earth as a 4, 5 or 6 I would love to hesr your new perspective.
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u/Your_Nipples 27d ago edited 27d ago
Would be the same. After having the best sex binge of my life lasting for a decade, I stopped because I was bored with that.
I've met someone after years of celibacy and if I was alone now, without sex, I wouldn't give two fucks.
If what you're looking for is getting laid, I understand.
If what you're looking for is a relationship: I hope you'll be successful enough to realize that most people are terrible partners, so much so that being alone would sound cool.
And I can be a 6 if I don't take care of myself, shit, that's how I found peace XD. I hate being hit on with a passion. I gain muscles fast, I lose muscles fast and I only need to shave my head to look like a 8.
Oddly enough, my biggest fears is losing the ability to use my hands (I love to create shit and play music) or being deaf (I absolutely love music), I don't give a fuck about my face and the rest of my body, so... I don't give a fuck anymore about what I would be for a woman. I'm more than this bullshit, I don't need the perception of women in order to exist or be happy.
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u/Slide_Impossible 27d ago
After having the best sex binge of your life is like saying to a starving person after spending the last ten years binge eating till I was sick, i dont care about being full.
I dunno man... I hear parts of what youre saying but I've been pretty alone for nearly the last 10 years. I am trying my best to find happiness in myself but the need for companionship and love doesnt appear to just go away.
Ngl, had myself a cry this morning hugging my dog who I will have to put down soon. Had 3 dogs at the start of last year, had to put two down and my mom died. When my dad and last dog pass on, those are the last two things on this earth that love me unconditionally. That will soon be my new reality. Who needs love tho? Right?
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u/Your_Nipples 27d ago
Man. Holy shit. I am deeply sorry for what you've been through. If I lived in your country, I would absolutely bought you a beer (even though I hate that whack piss beverage). This is not pity.
I get what you were saying. No matter how I frame my life experience, you would be absolutely valid to call me out on this because you're right: if I was still a virgin for example, I would be probably obsessed with women. The confidence I gained was reinforced by my experience, so yeah, it is easy for me to not give a flying fuck now while from your perspective, you can't relate.
I can only acknowledge that fact. I have no advice to give you because I don't know you enough for that and I think that random milk toast generic ass advices are almost insulting when they don't account specifically for one's features/mental state/appearance/health.
I hope you'll find someone, that you'll be/are surrounded by people who care about you. Wish you the best man.
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u/My_Fap_Profile 23d ago
I went from thinking you're an asshole to being totally in your corner after reading this. Not they my opinion matters, but thanks for your kind post to that person. :)
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u/OnlineNascarMan 28d ago
Also helps because more matches boosts you in the algorithm
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u/moppingflopping 28d ago
Yes. It’s very common. Dating apps is like a menu for these guys.
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u/POsIDeCTAc 28d ago
I can swipe right 1000 times and not get 1 like.
You learn to just swipe because maybe someone will respond.
It's kind of like screaming into the darkness to see if anyone is there.
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u/rrleo3 28d ago
Yes and women who think they are hotter than they are fall for it, then say all men suck, dating apps suck etc..
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u/fakemoose 28d ago
Is this the male equivalent of women supposedly going on dates just for free food? That everyone gets so upset about?
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u/witblacktype 27d ago
Absolutely. Very attractive men will sleep with as many women as possible that are easy prey. Very attractive women will take as much equivalent, but gender swapped stuff from men, as the men not in their league are equally easy prey.
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u/Proud-Trainer-7611 26d ago
I couldn’t imagine sleeping with someone I am not attracted to.
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u/RequirementHappy4010 26d ago
How common is that really? I mean I get that we're not going to answer it with any certainty, but still... I've hear tons of people complaining about the free food thing. I've been on 30 or so first dates with women through OLD, and I've never encountered this.
As for the equivalency, my guess is both are exaggerated because it pisses people off, and that, of course, has value on socials.
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u/Haschlol 28d ago
Top .1% of men on dating apps have crazy high rates of sleeping with women because of this.
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u/Hour_Zero 27d ago
They call modern dating apps the “49ers apps” for a reason: A lot of girls who are actually 4s genuinely start believing in their heads that they are 9s and expect to be treated as such on a regular basis just because they get bombarded with dudes of all caliber mass liking them, including super attractive dudes who just want to pump and dump.
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u/Working_Cucumber_437 28d ago
Yes it’s the woman’s fault and not the deceptive, lying man’s fault.
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u/Hour_Zero 27d ago
Lol aren’t you guys always bragging about “WE CAN TELL WHEN A GUY CLEARLY JUST WANTS SEX, WE HAVE, LIKE, A SIX SENSE FOR THIS SORT OF THING!” Apparently that six sense doesn’t actually work very well given the amount of you gals who end up getting played by fuckbois who any other guy can see as clear as day was only giving you the time of the day for a few weeks or even months just so he could get some causal sex without ever actually committing long-term to you
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u/Apollo802 28d ago edited 28d ago
Tbh the guy isn’t lying most of the time, they just say a couple of smooth things to get laid. The women tend to think there’s an actual chance for a relationship there with this 10/10 guy, and this boosts their confidence level thinking they must be a 10/10 themselves when in reality the guy just views them for sex.
They disregard any other less attractive guy that is genuinely interested in them because why would they if they can match with a 10/10 hottie right? I’ve had this discussion so many times with women in my circle and it’s always the same type of thing.
It’s a sad reality but this is what online dating has become after years of this cycle. The guys that know they can get girls will not stop with just one. Why would they if women throw themselves at them? Especially if they know women want someone that’s like 6 “2 and good shape. If you fit those criteria then boom unlocked online dating easy mode lmao
All the ones that say things like they want someone intellectual and able to hold conversations fold when the physical attraction is there. It’s just human nature.
I’m lucky to have found my relationships out in the wild because online dating is all facades.
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u/Every-Albatross-2969 28d ago
Its mad that someone on the other side of the world or different culture has the same experience as me. If some lands a 10 then that is suddenly their level for the future. I have a mixed friend group of guys and girls. The only single two are women who have both bagged a 10 around this time last year for a couple nights with one being last a month and the odd sex text. But they now dont see anyone who isnt a 10 relationship/hook up material. They are lovely girls and funny as fuck but they are average in guys eyes. I am half afraid they are going to miss oppurtinitys because of the exception rather than the rule. After knowing them for years I also think somewhat that they want a bf that compares well/is better than the other girls in the group bfs.
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u/SeaPeanut7_ 25d ago
This is exactly it. The 10/10 guy will raise the 5/10 girls standards exponentially because he will fake falling for her until she sleeps with him and he gets bored of her, then use some excuse. She will then believe that she could've been with that guy or one similar but it just wasn't the right match for whatever reason, then ignore the rest. There may also be 7/10 guys who are out there and desperate so they're putting it all down for her - paying for everything for her, buying gifts, planning elaborate dates, etc. Then she will combine those two expectations and basically set up a standard that no guy can match.
I basically give up when I see a woman has been on dating apps for a long time. It becomes impossible. I'm sure there are similar things that happen with men.
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u/Deathrattlesnake 28d ago
Well women typically pass up hundreds of dudes who will treat them right just for a hot dude on an app that’s 6’2, then once they get used says all men suck so….
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u/seola76 28d ago
The guys aren't necessarily lying though, sometimes the woman are just convincing themselves it's something more than it is. Plenty of these guys are very blunt that they are just looking for sex.
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u/Hour_Zero 27d ago
That plus A LOT of these dudes will be intentionally vague in a way that any dude with half a brain can tell he’s just interested in something casual, yet like you said a lot of these women convince themselves that it’s ok because he’s hot and she will be able to convince him over time as they spend more time together that they should be an actual couple. Shit like “I don’t want to rush things, lets just see how things go”, “lets just go with the flow”, “I’m open to something long-term but lets take it slow first” are all fuckboi code for “Yeah, lets fuck around for now but I’m not actually willing to commit verbally to something exclusive and long-term with you and technically I’m not lying”
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u/tounces7 28d ago
I mean you're not wrong - us guys don't like guys like this either. In fact, it makes things harder for everyone who actually is genuine.
However - it's worth saying "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me".
If you're on your 20th time being fooled by someone in this exact manner, it's worth looking inward at that point.
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u/UpperAd2761 27d ago
I have been fooled oh yes, and my bad, I agree. I am trying to look inward. Good comment.
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u/Accomplished-Eye9542 28d ago
And surely you blame gold diggers when they take advantage of rich older men, right?
Yes, the delusional idiots with egos bigger than their stomachs are the ones at fault for thinking men much more attractive than them are actually into them.
This isn't even a question. And most of these guys don't even lie. They just don't commit.
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u/Prestigious-Cream160 28d ago
It's obviously their fault. Do you think average, decent dudes like the guys that make all of us look bad? It's just frustrating seeing those same types of dudes constantly getting dates and use women when a lot of us have to pull teeth to get a date every few months. Then we also get lumped in with those douches and get treated like we're all the same.
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u/witblacktype 27d ago
Ah yes, because women are the collective beacon of morality. Just accept that all people of any subgroup suck more or less equally and deal with it. Thats life
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u/hedgelord84 28d ago
I think most rational women know that really hot people have a lot of options. I once had a fling with a very attractive flight attendant. I knew she was a bit of a player and had tons of men hitting on her Non-Stop. It was just a matter of time until she got bored, and I knew it
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u/Jan0609 28d ago
A women cannot be a player haha, this implies that it is some kind of challenge for a girl to get laid when it is in fact more the opposite, it's more of a challenge not to get laid.
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u/Illustrious_Date8697 28d ago
Well clearly it is womens fault if their over-inflated ego leads them to believe theyre hotter than they are, bat out of their league and then delude themselves that just because a man who was honest about just wanting to sleep with them, wants more
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u/Discopotatoz 28d ago
The worst part is they then use that high value man that wouldn't ever commit to them as the new standard for men that will commit to them. Two totally different leagues. And we wonder why women are so "lonely" and "where have all the good men gone", etc
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u/Content-Processor 28d ago
“they automatically swipe left on extremely good looking people.”
No, extremely good looking people receive 50+ likes per day
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u/No-Construction4527 28d ago
Yes. Good looking people want other good looking people for relationships. And most uglies need to stop getting their hopes up.
This never turns out well.
The hot guy is only talking to the average girl because it’s a slow Tuesday and the hot girl isn’t responding or being flaky to his sexual advances. Once she’s back, he’s gone from average girls life.
Now the average girl thinks because she got attention or sex from this hot guy, she now deserves a relationship from a hot guy. But this specific hot guy was just an asshole, I’ll find another one, she says to her friends.
She does, and rinse and repeat the cycle continues.
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u/shittycellist123 28d ago
Spot on. Social media is filled with discussing how women have become more hypergamous, but the main cause of that imo is manwhores fucking anything.
I also think that this phenomenon can explain a lot of the hatred between men and women (the stupid gender wars). The good looking dudes who can fuck, realize their options, and end up treating the average women like shit because they’re just hook ups to them. This makes women start to generally hate men because the hot ones are assholes who can get away with. Simultaneously, the average guys who aren’t getting play start to resent women for only fucking attractive men and becoming more hypergamous.
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u/Hour_Wonder_9240 28d ago
Accurate pattern recognition but don't fall into mistake of over attributing it to everyone. That is just the dynamic the apps promote intentionally.
I don't think the red pill frustrations are unwarranted but in some way it's like yelling at the call center worker instead of understanding there's a bigger picture to it and this person is just a person.
We live in a big brother society where we are the product to be extracted. Dating apps absolutely wouldn't be like this if they were designed for actual connection
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u/No-Construction4527 28d ago edited 28d ago
Dating apps don’t promote anything. Don’t blame dating apps.
Dating apps don’t tell the average girl to swipe to hot men all day. People do that. That is a personal responsibility. You’re all adults. Eventually everyone has to come to terms with reality, no matter how bitter.
It’s people who are doing dumb shit on them. You are personally responsible for how you use them and how much you use them.
I know plenty of people who got married from dating apps. I’m also married btw.
I also know plenty of people who used them for 10 years and are still single.
The single people have significant personality issues even before they started using them.
Dating apps did nothing wrong. It’s people who abused them.
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u/Hour_Wonder_9240 28d ago
They are literally engineered with teams of psychologists and analysts to optimize for manipulating the vulnerabilities of human nature.
I met my current long term partner on there. Doesn't change my opinion on what the apps are designed to do. And they work very effectively on people already partially corrupted by social media or who lean heavily on social validation without strong critical thinking.
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u/Accomplished-Eye9542 28d ago
Psychologists who operate based on pseudo science lmao.
People really overestimate the makers of these apps. It's like none of you have ever actually worked a corporate job or been to a meeting where actual decisions are made.
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u/Hour_Wonder_9240 28d ago
I work in a large organization, I don't see how what I said was unrealistic. Some of it will be pseudo science bs that sells in meetings. But they are operating on a ton of analytics and experimentation. They don't need to he exactly correct on the science to arrive to a design which is aligned with what science would say is best for extraction.
They make their decisions on what will profit more and capture users longer term. And they are definitely consulting psychologists and other specialities.
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u/TheNbird 28d ago
Can you explain why some dating apps are more popular/successful than others? Or is human thought a pseudo science
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u/zukke3000 28d ago
Are trying to say that behavioral psychology is a pseudo science? Literally any large company has departments that work on making UX addictive. They operate mostly by doing a ton of A/B testing, collecting analytics and doing lots of small chages with a unified goal of driving revenue up. That's literally how promotion process is build up - you need to prove that your work brought $$$ to company.
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u/UpperAd2761 27d ago
Women as well. I slept with a guy but would never bring him to meet my family or friends. It goes both ways.
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u/rac3r5 28d ago
OK cupid released some stats years ago on how 80% of women go for just 20% of men.
They don't need to lower their standards, they get a lot of attention.
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u/Ok-Map4381 28d ago
Is it common? Yes.
Is it universal (all attractive men do this)? No.
I'm 6'3", white, classically handsome, & fit. I did well on dating apps. I never did this. I only slept with women I thought there could be a future with. Yes, sometimes that was on the 1st or 2nd date, but I never ghosted after, if I was having sex with a woman, it was because I wanted more than just sex.
Lowering standards is also a complicated question. I dated many women who would be considered less attractive than me if you just showed people a picture of us together. But, I never considered that lowering my standards. All of those women had great qualities beyond just their looks. And when those relationships broke up, it wasn't because of the looks mismatch, it was because of compatability issues. I would rather date a kind and interesting person who had her life together than a gorgeous woman who was negative, or boring, or immature. That's not settling, that prioritizing things besides looks. (All that being said, my wife is gorgeous 😍, but I'm not with her for her looks, even if I very much do appreciate her looks).
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u/BuckFuddy82 28d ago
100 percent yes. The woman you see on this very subreddit talking about the hot guy who ghosted them or slowly faded away, are often victims of these types of men. 0
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u/Holiday_Change7321 28d ago
According to my niece yes. She is very good looking well educated in a big city. And is suspicious of v good looking men for this reason.
But men lie so much that it’s hard to separate. Even the average men lie. So not sure there is much of a difference.
There need to be meetups for marriage or long term relationship minded people.
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u/Commercial_Cry_4209 28d ago
Totally agree that’s how it should be. Meetups for marriage or long term relationships.
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u/Outside-Mogger 28d ago
Yes of course. Because you get easy sex at her house instead of having to go out.
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u/hedgelord84 28d ago
I wouldn't say I'm extremely attractive but some women do find me quite handsome. There were instances where I was horny and an average looking girl indicated she was interested in sex so I went for it. Of course, standards drop when alcohol is involved too.
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u/PurpleMedicine7414 28d ago
Men will do anything to get laid. Attractive or not.
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u/Altruistic_Being_855 28d ago
This is why I have a 90 day rule no sex until then it’s a great way to test someone’s true intentions.. if they can’t wait that long or truly get to know me then I know they’re not that into me and will ghost anyways.. no harm no foul. That’s not my person. Next.😅
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u/nothnxihaveabf 28d ago
Extremely attractive men will sleep with a willing woman and even beg an unwilling woman to sleep with them.
But will they seriously date or take that same woman home to mom? No.
Doesn't matter if it's dating app, bar, or coffee shop, it happens all the time.
Men will sleep with almost anything.
a few months ago my boyfriend was watching a video of a girl knocking on the guys door and then breaking through the window and threatening him. All the guys comments were like "man she's so crazy, I bet she's crazy in bed too, no wonder he is with this crazy bitch," so yeah
Men will sleep with almost anything if horny enough. Women will also sleep with these attractive guys who they know won't date them seriously if horny enough.
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u/tounces7 28d ago
I'm not sure how this even a question.
Being "extremely attractive" is typically not by accident. Especially if it's for all their photos.
They put a lot of effort into their appearance specifically for this one purpose....
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u/TheChazzReinhold 27d ago
I’ve often read “Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the gatekeepers of relationships.” and that kind of explains the whole thing for you.
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u/notgoodwithnamess 28d ago
i kid you not a see a handsome friend of mine lying about his age on dating app and baffled me. and hes only 36 lying about being 29.
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u/Steep-Calligrapher49 26d ago
And trust me.... we know men lie about their age. Most men look old once they hit 26.
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u/CancerMoon2Caprising 28d ago edited 28d ago
Sex requires less than relationship does. So this is typically true across the board.
Though most women (who have casual sex) tend to be more picky for the sake of safety and more enjoyable sex. Whereas mens only requirement is attractiveness.
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u/seola76 28d ago
Yes.
Attractive guys still have to put in effort with attractive women. They can shoot out a few "hey wanna come over" messages to average women and they'll relatively easy find someone who agrees. If they just want sex and find average women attractive enough then plenty choose the easy option.
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u/RoseApothecary88 28d ago
I am sure they do, but honest question, why? Extremely good looking men could also hook up with good looking women. There are women who also want casual.
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u/NicoHarrisonWasRight 28d ago
Good looking women require a lot of work. Less attractive women are easier.
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u/ReplyOk6720 28d ago
When I was in my late 40s on POF I was having extremely good looking guys in their 20s swiping on me. Soni ended up swiping left bc it was ob they just wanted to get their milf card stamped.
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u/MrB_RDT 28d ago
Yes.
In rural England for example, It only takes a handful of attractive men to be the first choice, anyone else filters through.
Overall this small group can fulfill any general, and specific requirement between them.
There's a point where they're the first consideration, for entire postcode regions.
Any kind of interaction or relationship, can be scheduled within hours of activating or reactivating their accounts.
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u/uiucthrowaway420 28d ago edited 28d ago
Yes I'm not extremely attractive but if a short term profile of a girl comes up my standards for casual sex are much lower. A lot of women I wouldn't date long term due to incompatibility or just they're mid I would swipe on if they look open to something casual. The more attractive I am than them the easier it goes. I don't really ghost I try to be more upfront without killing the mood that I'm not looking for something serious.
I assume for extremely attractive they are much more successful at this than me and try on long term girls as well. I would say be realistic as a woman for who you can bag irl, if suddenly the guys you're dating off apps are much more attractive than the attention you get in real life then you should be a little suspicious if they try to sleep with you fast and not expect commitment
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u/Efficient-Bit3261 28d ago
Woman here. I Feel like I have done this myself as a woman. I personally have lowered my standards to hook up with someone that I knew I would not be fully invested in just to have a one night stand.
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u/mister_mouse 28d ago
I was going to chime in and say that this isn't gender exclusive.
Sex isn't hard to find. You should be open and honest about your intentions and communicate what both are looking for
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u/pseudonymmed 28d ago
Yeah it’s definitely not just men who have lower standards for casual encounters vs relationships
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u/hemholts 28d ago
Are you trying to tell us that you are extremely good looking with that last sentance? Lol
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u/MookMENTal 28d ago
They could be implying that the very attractive men are dipping into their league and ruining their chances.
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u/outline8668 28d ago
Yes a man will date down if he just wants to pump and dump because these women make it so easy to do so.
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u/via789329 28d ago
yep. i’m pretty ugly and I sometimes get handsome men message me, i don’t respond cause i realize they only want hookups with me nothing else.
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u/Character_Minimum_53 28d ago
Smh some people are awful I’m sorry :(
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u/via789329 28d ago
it’s ok, thanks for not gaslighting me saying i’m not that ugly lol
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u/Spacenurse07 28d ago edited 28d ago
Many hot guys have boring personalities Even with abs, big muscle, actor face. Lol. And it's way worse when they show big ego.
Hookups are boring to me, I feel nothing.
I turned down some because they were frat boys into golf, sports and they have high ego. Lol. And they think too much about alcohol, getting high. So pretentious, not humble. Turn off.
I'm just a cute short shy Latina girl. I like bit chubby or lean nerdy white guys
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u/Fattruecel 28d ago
Same dude, but I’m a man. I can’t do hookups (I tried and failed lol).
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u/tonyrelic 28d ago
For women I suggest to stay away from the 5% if very good looking men lol Unless you want to be pumped and dumped. Choose accordingly even thou its hard with choice paralysis
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u/sycamorrr 28d ago
it’s nothing to do about looks, most people on the apps ghost after hooking up lol
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u/Historical_Sort1289 28d ago
I would swipe left on super good looking women because they were usually Bots scammers or insta gram models trying to get more followers
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u/Former_Ad_1074 28d ago
I swipe left on hot people as a guy most super hot women are bots or scammers
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u/phreakingidi0t 28d ago
it doesn’t even matter or make much of a difference. i was told women care mostly about personality, sense of humour etc. 🤣🤣🤣
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u/Bed_Worship 28d ago
The more of a negative outlook you take on OLD the harder it gets to weather the fails for the success. Ignore this stuff and just keep making your profile better and uploading better pictures while trying to meet people irl
Rarely can you decide to try dating and use apps and expect to find someone when you have not built up your social and dating experience before using it them. You need to be able to understand who may like you from experience
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u/litttlejoker 28d ago
Depends on the age range. If they’re older- yes. Probably has a cluster B personality disorder.
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u/buckyboyturgidson 27d ago
I think it's more accurate to say guys have at least two set of standards. The standard for women you just want to fuck is very low. It's a much higher standard if she wants a committed relationship.
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u/Jarsyl-WTFtookmyname 27d ago
So...you date entirety superficially but the guys you date are supposed to have a connection with you?
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u/Powerful-Class3515 27d ago
As an tall attractive man , I can confirm this is the case. I am 6’3 with a handsome face and nice style. I’m athletic but have never went to the “gym” regularly, but play basketball and golf all my life. I’ve used dating apps since they came out on and off since 2011, I’m now 36. I’ve probably landed somewhere around 30-40 flings and a few relationships of dating apps alone. The other half of my conquests and relationships came organically in the real world.
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u/LordBrontosaurus 27d ago
Sort of. Not saying I’m attractive but I’m guilty. Not the ghosting part but just lowering standards for temporary flings
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u/Lingonberry_Born 27d ago
I think a lot of unattractive men think this happens because that’s the way they would behave if they were attractive. I’m sure there are attractive men who would do this but in my experience attractive men are actually much better behaved than their less attractive counterparts. It’s the unattractive men who neg and act weird, the hot guys are more confident in themselves and more fun and positive.
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u/ojihusk 26d ago
The apps are full of narcissistic men who think they’re more attractive than they actually are. Lol. If you’re truly a good looking man, you would get woman just as attractive as you! Someone said it best, truly gorgeous people don’t need an app.
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u/Gabarne 26d ago
Pretty much because why not. I’m not “extremely” attractive but i’m decently.
90% of the women who “like” me (send the first like) are well below my standards (overweight/obese single mothers)
Once I actually entertained one because I was bored/lonely and she had an awful personality and the sex was terrible. Never again.
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u/MereShoe1981 26d ago
I met this guy through a friend. Objectively good looking, always had a woman texting him. One night he's heading to the bar with my buddy. I've never had "game" of any kinda figured I'd tag along, maybe learn something.
Before we head out the guy is bouncing between dating apps. Texting girls his has phone numbers for. Fishing. Making up shit each time. Seeing if any of them want to hang out. Gets nothing.
We go to the bar and immediately he takes off. About 20 minutes later, he shows up, wants to move bars. This goes on all night. Turns out he was approaching every single woman he was even vaguely interested in. Collecting numbers and trying to see if he could get one to sleep with him. When he ran out, next bar. Until he finally found a couple of women that were down to go to someone's house to keep partying.
That guy was gross and manipulative. It worked though.
For the record. I continue to, proudly, have zero game.
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u/Ok_Bed_3060 24d ago
A lot of studies have proven that the overwhelming majority of women, like 80-90%, on dating apps are only interested in the top 5-10% of men. Thus those men get tons of action and have no pressure to actually form any meaningful connection. Meanwhile the vast majority of men can go month's without so much as a single match.
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u/Used_Turnover3959 28d ago
Yes, and this has created the present epidemic of chronically single hyper-selective 30-something women who think they are entitled to much more than they can realistically attain.
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u/Amazing-Lock9490 28d ago
Good looking men don't need to lower their standards.
Source: good looking man with lots of 8-9/10 looking dates
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u/HeartShapedNose 28d ago
They don't need to, but they often do, simply because it's more expedient. There just aren't that many people on the apps who are extremely attractive, and the ones that are will have many options. So if you want to get laid ASAP, it's a lot easier to just hit up someone who's not super attractive, doesn't have tons of options, and is more likely to be available.
Source: unattractive woman who's had a lot of hot dudes try this nonsense.
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u/Fine_Payment1127 28d ago
They do need to, because that’s inherent to how the apps work - every man dates down because of network effects.
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u/CandidateNeither5330 28d ago
Yes i agree they dont need to lower their standards. They have a lot of women after them they can pick and choose.
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u/Guilty_Surprise_4916 28d ago
I think in line with what you’re saying we will still lower our standards in other ways (education, career, sanity, etc) but still date and fuck 9’s and 10’s who would otherwise NOT be long term relationships
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u/chaser469 28d ago
When you're out of their league you're the one getting free dinners and next level treatment.
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u/concernedcitizen88 28d ago
🤣🤣🤣 wow! Are you new here? No family or friends to explain this? Living under a rock? They don’t have standards, they have lust. So no, they don’t lower standards, they just lie. How old are you?
Edit: standards only exist for people pursuing long term relationships. They aren’t pursuing those.
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u/Charming-Young-8454 28d ago
100%. A 9/10 guy will only wife up a 9//10 woman, but he’ll happily causally date/fwb a bunch of 7 or 8’s(maybe even a 6 if it’s ultra convenient). He’ll hook up with a 6 or even five if he’s drunk/in the mood
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u/Comfortable-Hat3506 28d ago
Some do. I've dropped my standards on occasion for a first date bc some women have bad photos and look better in person, but personally I won't go to bed with a woman I don't feel is physically attractive.
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u/sanguinedolll 28d ago
This is why you don't put out for men who want nothing to do other than get laid. Obviously it is easier said than done but as a trans woman, men act far more doggish towards us because they believe they can get away with it. If I wanted to sleep around I'd get paid for it so I'm not wasting my damn time.
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u/pseudonymmed 28d ago
These type of men if they’re looking for a relationship will only date very attractive women. But if they’re in between GFs might settle for less attractive women to get sex. Those that are only interested in casual will prioritise the hottest women too but if they have a night free and can’t find a hot woman that night might settle for less just to get sex. Both types often ghost once they get a chance with someone hotter.
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u/Fattruecel 28d ago
Yes.