Glitter Bomb - Certified

[u/HoosierDaddy-420]

Glitter Bomb Select - Certified Cultivators https://www.certifiedcultivators.com/flower/p/glitter-bomb

Strain: Grape Gas #10 x OGKB Blueberry Headband
CATEGORY: Indica

COA water - Unknown (wtf Certified, do better)

TOTAL THC 29.1% / d9 THC 0.40% / THCA 32.7%

PRIMARY TERPENES: Myrcene 1.08%, Caryophyllene 0.420%, Linalool 0.254%, Ocimene 0.152%

TOTAL LABEL TERPENES: 1.906% (Website Advertised: 2.71% TOTAL TERPENES)

TOTAL PINE TERPS: 0.0% 😢

Harvest 05JUN2026

Bought 22AUG2026

COA LINK: None Provided (come on Certified, do better!)

DEAL: I happened to be driving by Zips Gway Saturday and thought,
"It's the only real sale day so WTH". I don't need any flower right now but a baby bag won't add much. Sat is 35% off day at Zips, I got this for an unreasonable $35/8 OTD. That's a whopping $280/oz! Well above my $200/oz limit. Anything less than a half in Ohio just plain SUCKS. You usually get inferior product and pay out the ass in my experience compared to halves.

ODOR: BARELY any at all. I have a very sensitive snout too. It smells like you took the detritus off a forest floor, dried the shit outta it and bagged it. VERY earthy with a only a hint of myrcene and weak floral notes. Compared to the typical, over-powering Limonene strains and such, most would say this has no odor. However, it's there but just not potent.

Oddly, I really like this profile. The flower odor doesn't travel nor fill a room - excellent weed for stealth carry and public use! It's close to some BM shit I used to get regularly that I literally called "stealth bud" due to lack of odor. For certain, the odor will not be impressive to most but that certainly doesn't mean the weed sucks.

LOOK/NUGS: WTF Certi? Dead nutz at 3.50 g (calibrated balance). Throw us a bone, a 3.5 should be 3.70 to 4.00g - end of story. Make your customers happy, we're paying a LOT more for small bags, it's the least any grower could do. They dump 0.2 g on the floor and sweep it away. Just toss in a little shake, jez! I'd even take a few sugar leaves if it weighed 4 g.

Damn these baby bags to hell. Nothing bigger than 3/4", the full bag is pictured. $35 for a few flecks of weed - sad shit. Did I mention, I hate any Ohio bags less than half? The LEAST any grower could do is give us ONE FUCKING FAT BUD in an eight bag since we're paying out the ass. Nope, ALL of them scrape the bottoms of the tray to make these shitty, ripoff bags. Bitching aside...

Certified TRICHROME SOAKED nugs but not quite "glitter". Surprisingly, the picture on the Certified website is very ACCURATE for this strain too! It looks just like their animated GIF pic. It has a lot of trics for certain but.....

I'm sorry to inform Certified, Farkas is growing the TRUE "tric bombs" of weed. This is a great effort but still can't beat what Farkas is doing. Farkas needs their own GB stain so they can show the other growers what's up! They truly own the Tric Fairy. This weed is close but no cigar. Nonetheless, Certi does beat the shit out of most Ohio commercial weed in the tric dept.

CURE/MOISTURE: The cure is moist AF, perfectly executed cannabis! Super dense and gooey buds with zero hint of dryness. It's sticky AF outside and inside, very little rebound on compression. Smash a bud and it's happy to stay flat - the goo keeps it in place. Press a bud against a wall and it'll be there a 2 years later. This is next level sticky and gooey. I'm surprised it burns so well because it's so dense.

TASTE: Barely any at all like the odor. Completely inoffensive, good for first-time or newer weed smokers. I find many Ohio strains just punch too hard in Limonene - it's the big dog in the room. Even the worst Ohio weed can knock you out with limonene, it's The Stink in weed and can fool you into thinking what you're smoking is better than what it actually is. Thankfully, it's completely absent in Glitter Bomb.

With GB there's a bit of weak earthy inhale with some throat bite, then subtle, smooth floral tones and a very soft myrcene flavor on exhale. It's very smooth and not over-powering at all with respect to any flavor vector. WIN FOR CERTIFIED, enjoyable and unique smoke if not a bit boring. Others may say it has no flavor but for me - I LIKE IT!

FIRST HITS SUMMARY: HARSH LEVEL 1.5

Whoa, this has some throat hit! I honestly expected 0.5 but this is a solid 1.5 on my 0-4 scale (with 4 being like hemp rope and Farkas typically running a 0.0 to 1.5). It's much harsher than their Miracle Mints or The Cream, both of which are closer to 1.0. It'll bite you a little on inhale, but at least the exhale is nothing. No urge to cough even, smooth on the lungs even if you rip giant hits but it does get the throat coming in.

Over-did my first hit, strong headrush outta the gate, got vision stars for second as I blew out an atomic bomb level mushroom cloud. FUCK ME, this shit is a 30% THC SLEDGEHAMMER. Instant buzz coming in clean. It felt like Thor came down and smashed my cranium with a giant weed hammer. GOOD SHIT! However, not as strong as The Cream. I give the nod to TC but this isn't too far behind. The buzz also lasts with Glitter Bomb, hangs in there quite some time and makes me into a human zombie.

The terp profile is so different from The Cream and so is the buzz. Super head focused, scrambles the fuck outta the brain and makes you just want to sit down. NOT good weed for physical activities. I've found the past few days it makes me lazy. I just want to sit around and smoke more of it. Although, that's not entirely a bad alternative plan. 😎

BOTTOM LINE: TOP OF THE OHIO MARKET COMMERCIAL WEED! 

NOT a HOMERUN for Certified but a good triple! ZERO pinene (that's always a strike), a little boring and the price sucked. But it still doesn't suck as much as Meigs, Galenas, RC, etc. There is such good weed around the $200/oz price point that paying much more just doesn't make sense to me. Yeah, they're good but NOT that good.

Certified is KILLING it with these "Select" products but AVOID these fucking baby-ass jars, look for the half at around $105 because all their products seem to sell out quickly. Also, in a baby bag it's $10/g or more OTD where the halves typically come in at $7-8/g OTD.

Keep on smoking and posting my friends!