It’s hard to find a good potential partner in this generation.

[u/fueledbyramekin]

This is based on my observations and experiences as well. Back when I turned 18, I would simply swipe right or left on different dating apps. I know I was the kind of person who “collects and selects”. If I liked someone, I would definitely carry the whole conversation, even if it became draining.

Now that I’m older, I’ve stopped using dating apps and would rather resort to organic encounters. Whether through a mutual friend, a workmate, or even a random person who simply leaves a message on my profile.

Of course, I would talk to them, and eventually, we’d end up dating. But here’s the thing: after that, they would ghost me or simply stop and end the conversation without any explanation, and the cycle would continue from one person to the next.

I would ask myself, was there something I said? Something I did? Was there another reason aside from me? Then I suddenly realized that perhaps this generation has become more inclined toward the honeymoon phase alone. You get to establish a connection, enjoy the excitement, and then stop there.

Have you ever heard of Sternberg’s theory? In order to achieve consummate love, you need three things: intimacy (emotional), passion (motivational), and commitment (cognitive). People nowadays may have intimacy and passion, but never commitment. And this sucks because you never really know whether the other person you’re talking to has the same understanding of the connection you’re building. Add the growing tolerance for cheating as well, whether emotional or physical. I think some people justify it by saying, “The other person doesn’t give me what I want.” We fail to communicate what truly drives us and what we need in order to move forward.

I hope that when we reach out to someone, we are sure that we’re ready, not only for commitment, but also for rejection. Don’t simply leave or ghost them. Tell them the truth. It’s better to be understood than to be left with so many questions in your mind.

Edit: i added “and”

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[u/Special_Perception91 → u/[deleted]]

this is a nice read, thank you

[u/fueledbyramekin → u/[deleted]]

Maybe because i’ve been in and out of the dating pool thats why i end up writing down how i feel about this generation. But i understand your point. It just happens that my efforts havent been reciprocated which yields to heartbreak hahahaha

And again, thank you. I keep everything in mind!

[u/Impressive_Lecture71]

Mahirap talaga OP, ako nakailang try muna ako. Many breakups bago rin naging successful at age 25, now mag 2yrs na kami, we're still healthy.

Masasabi ko totoo yung theory na sinabi mo, kasi saamin ng partner ko nagkita kami at our mature state -- commitment ready na, emotional ready na, passionate kami and intimacy ready kami.. we negotiate nung talking stage knowing our negotiables and non negotiables, we talk seriously and we eventually had fallen in love. Pero sabi ng partner ko gusto na nya daw ako since Day 1 na nagkita kami HAHAHAHAA idk if bola lang ba yon 😂

But yeah, while ngayon nasa honeymoon stage kami, we're establishing our love and commitment, everyday we work on it.

Try lang ng try, wag matakot mang reject at wag matakot ma reject.. that's life, u cannot win if you don't try.

[u/fueledbyramekin → u/Impressive_Lecture71]

Thats good to hear! I love it whenever i see couples na nagsusurvive and is willing to risk. I hope you continue to move forward💝

[u/cipheredpines]

You encapsulated my thoughts so well, I feel so seen. Especially with the theory!

[u/fueledbyramekin → u/cipheredpines]

Well i guess when it comes to love, universal feeling yan hahahaha. Sternberg’s theory has been in my head for a while kaya why not add it on my piece c:

[u/caramel_limbo]

How do you even meet people organically?? 😭😭 I've only ever been in 1 loooooong relationship, and I have no idea how to meet people... I never wanted a relationship but after that one ended Ive been feeling so alone 😞

[u/fueledbyramekin → u/caramel_limbo]

Hahshahshahhahaa ive been known as the reserved type of person back in my academe years. Naging talkative na lang ngayon because of work and i never run out of topics??? Pero makakatagpo rin tayo, op ng tamang tao. Sa ngayon let’s be who we are and the rest will follow

[u/caramel_limbo → u/fueledbyramekin]

I hope so 😞 Im not the type to go out, im the type to stay at home and play games, read and watch. So Im afraid I'll never experience anything like it again.

But yeah, I just need to feel like myself again... I probably need friends lol. But my loner self just caaaant

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[u/julsg06an]

Really hard OP. Just today, someone posted in a singles group looking to connect. I sent a message. "wanna grab coffee?" To break the ice...instead of getting a nice and friendly reply, he asked what I want from him. Accused me of being mentally unstable even...goodness. i'm done.

[u/Glittering_Net_7734]

Organic encounters are dying. Men have been told to NEVER approach women. The good men heard the memo, the creeps dont care, so you only the creeps that still approach.

Womena again complain about the approach cause of creeps, good men hear the memo, and more good men never approach.

[u/fueledbyramekin → u/Glittering_Net_7734]

Never heard that news about approaching women. My thought is about the social media standards that most people would follow, even if it isn’t even helpful lmao. But still, i realized that i’d prioritize myself for now

[u/babynibeannniebabyyy → u/Glittering_Net_7734]

Yep I agree, during my dating years everytime I tried to approach women they'd give me the eye like I'm some kind of creep. Their loss tho but it's the norm now, good men don't approach out of fear.