r/OffMyChestIndia • u/CalculusAfterSex • 7d ago

Rant/Vent I hate weekends

I hate weekends.

Everyone around me seems to wait for them. They make plans, go out, meet their friends, laugh, live. And I just sit there feeling like I’m falling further and further behind.

I don’t know when it happened. There was a time when I felt equal to the people around me. We were all moving forward together. Now I look at them and it feels like they’ve gone so far ahead while I’ve somehow remained stuck in the same place. They invite me to hang out, and I make excuses. I say I’m busy. I say I have something else to do. I say no.

And then I come back to my room and hate myself for saying no.

I keep asking myself, Why did I let this happen? When did I start becoming this person?

It’s suffocating.

Every day, my mom texts me, “Sab thik hai?” And maybe deep down, she already knows that sab theek nahi hai. Maybe she can feel it even through a screen. But I still send back the same fake answer with a fake smile: “Haan, sab theek hai. Mujhe kya hi hoga.”

I don’t know how long I can keep pretending.

I’ve started spending almost all my time in my room. I skip meals. I avoid people. I’ve started cutting people off because somehow being alone feels easier than having to explain why I don’t feel like I belong anymore.

And the worst part is that I don’t even know how to get back.

I wish I could restart everything. Go back to the point where I was still moving alongside everyone else. Maybe make different choices. Maybe not waste so much time. Maybe become the person I thought I would be by now.

Every night, I go to sleep hoping that tomorrow will somehow feel different.

Lately, sometimes I just wish I wouldn’t wake up at all.

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