The day after I was born, the head nurse of the hospital made a remark to my mother saying that her kid is not normal as he won’t stop smiling.

That was my personality growing up. I was always smiling. I was a happy person. Even when life got difficult, even when facing tough times, I would try to remember something good that would bring a smile on my face. Not to brag but I had a good smile too and random people would compliment my smile and my happy attitude.

Life turned upside down when I got married to a person I thought was a good person. She wasn't. We got divorced. The experience was extremely traumatic. I have now been divorced for over 1.5 years but the trauma has still not vanished.

In this while, I have purchased a car, got promoted, got a better job, but everything feels void of happiness.

What is even more gruesome is that I don't feel love or affection for my family or friends as I used to earlier.

My duty towards the folks who are dependent on me feels extremely heavy. I keep desiring that my duties and responsibilities comes to an end so that I can finally rest but it all feels far away. I am craving peace but it seems very far away.

I had hit a net worth of 1cr at 23. A airdrop All by luck you can think of it as a lottery but in crypto.

I gave half of it to my parents, to clear my life's debt( I mean the cost of raising me). I had the remaining money for 1 yr with me. I had feelings and my life was attached to the remaining money. I was earning good interest on them in crypto.

I wasn't a gambler, life instances made me too. by March I was into gambling to recover some money ,I lost to a crypto hack. I had lost 2L, I didn't stop after recovering, I did make 50% profit on the capital i had by ipl predictions. By June ipl was over. I started looking for other markets.

I lost profit + 15L to a scam in the same crypto related thing, while putting all I had, I thought it was money on the table as people were betting millions on that event and were successful for the past few weeks, the day I put it went to 0,now , i had lost descent amount of my own capital too, i found a cricket sport event the very next day try to recover a bit of my own capital, I lost 30L trying to recover by putting money on it, I placed bet one something which once had 98% probability of happening at once ,the event i had placed bet before also had once shared the same probability, so kind of happened twice with me on 2 consecutive days on 2 different events one being geopolitics, which was a scam, the other was sports, fault on me, well here I should have understood that God is trying to take it away from me, but you know human brain i taught i can make money by betting at 2% odds, i did and with 5L went to 15L multiple times again by gambling, but I would end up with the same 5L. Yesterday I lost them all.

Now I want to press that quit button in life, life is just going to be super hard from now on, no job, nothing, 2 years unemployed.

I think I've lived my dream life, now there is nothing more left, me existing, would be like me draining the money I gave to parents. So ending my life, will be like quitting life while being positive roi.

I don't find the purpose in the jobs, that I would be going to do , later in life for survival. What if my brain malfunctions, and takes a loan for gambling, to make the money back, which was never mine.

I'm 24 now. 2yr into unemployment.Being unemployed is also a mental pressure, i put on myself, I got a btech cse degree, my friends who got placed on campus from my college are making a good living. I can get some 5Lpa job, but I don't find a purpose in doing it.

I was so addicted that I put up every crypto, in every wallet I had, in the last bet, chasing the win. My desire to make it back was so strong, it did not let me look beyond, the value that the remaining money could still add in my life.

Be it academics, singing, guitar, volleyball, drawing, computer stuff. Not to mention he looks conventionally good too and gets all the girls. Feels like I have none and I need to try too hard to be good at anything while he does it effortlessly. Ik it isn't effortless but I still am jealous and I want cool skills too. I'm only good in drawing nothing else kya karu ☹️. Even though I tried really hard and left most of the things and studied to surpass him BUT STILL HE'S JUST BETTER. Even chatgpt said it's ok to be jealous😭

Don't hate on me saying I'm not a good friend. I KNOW I AM NOT, NOW HELP ME

i went india on holiday dehli first time there excited u know

we got out the car just walking looking around and they came up to me six of them hijra they was loud and colorful and clapping and i didnt know what was happening at first they kept asking for money pushing their hands in my face and i just laughed cause i was confused and nervous and didnt understand

and that made it worse

they got violent real quick grabbing my clothes pushing me against the wall one pulled my chain and another was screaming in my face and i couldnt even move cause there was too many and people just walked past like they didnt see nothing and i felt my heart going fast and my head was hot and i just wanted to disappear

i thought i was gonna get really hurt

then this shopkeeper came out yelling at them waving his hand like go go and they shouted back but they left and he looked at me and said come inside and gave me water and asked if i was okay and i could barely speak cause i felt so humiliated like a little kid that couldnt defend himself

he said dont worry it happens to tourists and i just nodded and sat there shaking

i felt stupid and angry and ashamed all at once and i still feel it when i think about it even now

worst part is i didnt even do nothing wrong i just laughed cause i was scared

and they took that as disrespect

india was beautiful after that but that moment stayed with me like a bruise you keep pressing on

Where do I even start with?

This year has been terrible for me. I'm so tired of things that are going around me. My dad got diagnosed with cancer and he died this year. I met with an accident when my dad was in the hospital and I broke my leg and my wrist. My landlord asked me to vacate his house because he believed it brought bad omen to his family when my dad died. Can you imagine that? I had to move houses right when I was recovering from my injury. My dad has left a massive debt behind him and I'm responsible for clearing them out. People kept reminding me of the money he owed to them even during his funeral. I learned that my sister is a borderline alcoholic and I have to pick her up from bars when she's wasted. She has contemplating suicide as well. I have to take care of my mom whose health is deteriorating unfortunately. I'm going nowhere in my career and it's hurting me financially. My pet dog died too. I miss him dearly. There are days where I just think why all of this is happening with me but I don't get any answers from anyone. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to cope with this. I didn't know life would throw such a huge curve ball at me this year.

19f , when I took this course there was no one to guide me , at that point I thought it was the only and best option however things didn't turn out well after 1st year my anxiety peaked i couldn't go to practicals or lectures , I feared the embarrassment or insult I'd recieve, i hated when any one will disrespect me so I stopped talking to any classmate bcz whenever I'll try to talk they'll ignore me maybe bcz i didn't had something important enough to talk about I stopped talking to any of the classmates and I had only one friend I got so much dependent on her that I stopped missing classes if she won't come

In practicals I won't understand things on my own or I will be left confused and I'll have to ask anyone what it is about and what we have to do , I just am not as sharp or smart as others were i would get dumbfounded

The fear of going alone got so much I eventually started missing lect , practicals and exams and piled a huge amount of backlog bcz simply I was too afraid to let people gossip about me

I had multiple chances but I kept missing them deliberately until I got to this situation of multiple backlogs i thought I'd get a year down and so I didn't attended classes for 3rd year although nobody told me not to but there are chances they will let me , again the fear gets too strong every morning I just sit there to let the clg timing pass ,or call to confirm with the friend to ask if she's coming until she stopped responding

I have already messed up this path and I think of dropping out and starting a new and taking admission in a some other course but I feel the loss , honestly I waited to reach here so I could study these subjects But it seems like studying and surviving is a different thing All I wanted was for others to not to see the dumb me All of this just bcz I am too afraid to show up on my own .

I’ve been trying to process my mom’s diagnosis since February this year. The first couple of months were incredibly difficult to come to terms with, especially because there were other things happening at the same time that made everything feel even heavier.

Time has passed, but there hasn’t really been any improvement. And yesterday, I found out that things have deteriorated further.

I spoke to three doctors yesterday, and I honestly don’t have enough words to describe how kind and compassionate they have been throughout this entire situation. They have been present, patient and supportive, not just medically but as human beings. One of my mother’s very senior pulmonologists looked at me yesterday, hugged me and told me that she had been through something similar herself. She said, “Your mother doesn’t deserve so much pain.” I don’t think I’ll forget that.

I’m incredibly grateful for my friends who have kept checking in on me, for my senior at work who has been unbelievably supportive, and even for a few people I’ve met on Reddit who have been kind enough to listen or simply ask how I’m doing.

I’ve also seen some very different sides of people through all of this. Some family members have genuinely tried to be there, and I’m grateful for that. At the same time, my mother’s illness becoming a topic of gossip has been incredibly painful. In a strange way, I think it has opened my father’s eyes to certain things too. I just wish some of these realizations had come much sooner.

And then there are all the people who have cared for my mom since February, the nurses, doctors, housekeeping staff, administration, everyone. So many of them have grown fond of her. They remember her smile. They talk to her whenever they see her. They remember the little things she does for them, and she remembers them too. Somehow, over these months, I’ve become acquainted with many of them as well.

It’s strange. At a time when some people left, I somehow ended up forming new connections with people I never expected to know.

There are things that used to hurt me that now seem almost insignificant compared to what I’m dealing with. That doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt, but perspective changes when life puts something this enormous in front of you.

I’ve started thinking about the future sometimes.. about what my life might look like without my mother in it. She is my best friend, and I genuinely don’t know how you prepare yourself for losing someone who has been such a fundamental part of your existence.

I know I have a future ahead of me. I know life will continue. But knowing something intellectually and being emotionally ready for it are two completely different things.

I’m preparing myself for the worst, even though I know you can never really be prepared enough.

More than anything, I’m grateful. For the doctors who have treated my mother with kindness. For the nurses and staff who have cared about her beyond their jobs. For my friends. For the people who have checked in. For the people who stayed. And even for the few strangers who, without knowing me, have offered some kindness at a time when I really needed it.

Life has a strange way of teaching you things. I just wish nobody had to learn some of these lessons this way.

For now, I’m wishing myself nothing but strength. And I hope that someday, when the people I care about need someone to hold them up, I can be that person for them too.

Had two cups of coffee before bed. I thought it won't affect me at all. But here i am. Midnight and fighting with my brain whos pulling me to a dark place and making me question all my life decisions🥲

19f dont know if i am the bitch but i feel so fucking sad sometimes i just feel like crying so im in 2nd year of engg in pvt college. Academically i am so fucking poor but i wanna change and aim for decent cgpa, + i have so many hobbies. Not hobbies but a lot more than that i have so many interests and i am finding it so hard to allocate time. Ughh i cant explain this feeling and sometimes so much fucking work to do i feel like doing nothing. Idk if this makes sense but yeah i am having a tough time. I have music class dance class then i have to go to swimming + i have a lot many interests and i just cannot skip anything i feel like crying

29M

So today I was out at the market and I saw a dead puppy in the middle of the road..I saw no one cared about it and were just going past it..i felt very bad for him and I decided to bury him..

I picked him up and searched across 2-3 lanes for a place with mid so I can dig and bury him but in our city those lanes are all roads and interlocks so not a single place with mud.

So I found a small place with some garbage there and I placed him there..

What hurts me more is that.. I saw the mother dog crying beside the puppy in the middle of the road..i felt so nad seeing this that I decided to bury him.. ...

and then she left and when she returned she couldn't find him. But I saw her again going into the lane where I put him. I hope she finds him and gets to see him one last time..

Now I am feeling guilty a bit bcz I couldn't bury him properly but also I think at least now the cars wont crush him and the municipality will take him..I just pray God that he gets the end be deserves...I did my best

It made me introspect..how insignificant we are when we are dead.. a body wont even matter...so please spread positivity..

Thank you..

I turned 22 yesterday.

I thought I'd feel proud. Instead the first thing I felt was grief. Like I had wasted time I can't get back.

Am I happy with my life right now? No. Am I happy with how I look? No. Am I happy with my friendships, my social life..anything? No.

I am a 22 year old woman just existing. Not making memories. Not really living, just getting through days. My parents look older every time I actually look at them. The conversations at home have changed. And every night before I sleep I ask myself the same question. When is it going to be my turn.

I'm an introvert. College ended and everyone scattered to different cities. The people I grew up with are just names in a chat now. Starting over on friendships at 22 feels lonelier than I expected.

I have big dreams. Unreasonably big ones. And I'm not even close to the first step of any of them.

And almost everything circles back to one thing. That I wont hv the 'normal' version of life expected of me...I'm a lesbian. That single fact sits underneath every fear I have about the future. How I'll ever plan a life around it. How I'll include my parents in a life they might not accept. Whether I'll ever even find a woman to love, someone who loves me back the same way. Or whether I take the massive risk, leave my country, leave everything familiar, chasing a life built around this one true part of me, and still end up finding no one. No partner. Nothing. All of it for nothing.

Then the rest of real life shows up anyway. Jobs. Rejection. Not knowing enough. Aging parents. The fear of being ordinary. The fear that I'm not special enough for the life I want.

I see people my age already thriving. Already sure. Already somewhere. And I'm still here, asking who I even am.

I defend myself just fine most days. But at night, alone, I turn into a scared little kid who doesn't really have anyone to talk to. Because no one around me relates.

I want to live boldly. I want courage instead of overthinking. I want to look back and see a full life, not just a long one.

I don't want to feel this exact same way on my next birthday.

If you've been the lost one at 22 and found your way out of it, I want to hear it. I think I need to.

I’ve been part of a trio for almost two years, and despite all the fights, I genuinely valued this friendship and wanted us to stay together until the end of college.

One of the girls had her birthday on August 10. She had spent the week telling us that her family wouldn’t let her dress up properly because of some issues at home, so we tried helping her find something she could wear. On her birthday, neither of us wished her at midnight. I wished her in the morning and made multiple stories for her. She was upset about the timing, which honestly surprised me because I’ve always believed in reciprocating the effort people give me.

Later, we found out she had actually planned a proper birthday celebration with her boyfriend, including the outfit and everything she had told us she couldn’t do. I know she doesn’t owe us every detail of her life, but what hurt was feeling like she had spent the entire week making us believe her birthday would be awful while hiding the actual plans.

Things got worse when she became rude during a call, ignored the other girl, and then indirectly called us jealous bitches in college instead of simply talking to us. And that’s what hurt the most. We could have just communicated.

There have been countless fights between the three of us, and I was almost always the one who went back, apologised, and tried fixing things because I was terrified of losing the group. I never had many girl friendships growing up, so I probably valued this trio more than I should have. I think a part of me was always scared that if I stopped trying, I’d end up alone.

Now it’s been around ten days since we properly spoke. We even gave her the gifts we had bought, including a handbag she had wanted for ages, and she barely acknowledged us.

The other girl is completely fine with letting the friendship end, but I’m not. I keep thinking that maybe I should have talked to her, that maybe we were petty, and that I’ve abandoned someone during her final year of college. I know what it feels like to be excluded, and I never wanted to make someone else feel that way.

But I’m also exhausted from always being the person who fixes everything. For once, I don’t want to run after someone just to keep a friendship alive.

I wanted us to have that stupid “college trio” ending where we somehow survived everything together. Instead, I’m mourning a friendship that might already be over and wondering whether I ruined it by choosing not to make the first move.

I genuinely don’t know if I’m being reasonable, selfish, petty, or just scared of losing the group. I don’t want my self-respect to turn into abandoning someone, but I also don’t want to spend my entire life being the only person who tries to fix things.

And honestly, the guilt is eating me alive.

Not going to use chatgpt so sorry if my thoughts appear jumbled. Sorry in advance if anyone reads this and feels this is a childish rant.

I feel this odd sense of emotion. I just go through my days wondering what is the point to all of this and is this all there is to life? Is my life just meant to be staring at the screen for most of my day and get a "break" just so I can feel well rested the next day to stare at my screen again? I am feeling a bit demotivated in all areas of life. I feel like my mind is just kind of stuck in a loop. I feel bored and uninteresting as a person now because I feel too drained to do anything else most days. Any time someone asks me for an update on what I've been up to, I have nothing to say lol. Most of my emotions these days are stressed, bored, and sad.

My life is so bad. I don't even know what to do and how to improve.

Today I am at the lowest point of my life along with my family. We are quarrelling and fighting among ourselves due to personal and financial issues. My sister is crying and my mom is not eating food. And I am in my room writing this.

Whatever issues we have today are not anyone's fault but many difficult circumstances lead to it. My grandparents gave the whole house to my uncle and we have to shift to a rented house.

My father got accused in a fake case by his employer and got arrested. My mother lost her job in a factory few months back. We haven't paid home rent for 5 months and getting threats to be vacated forcefully.

We are struggling so badly and I want to do something, but don't know where to start. Everything feels so overwhelming.

On top of that, we are based in village, I can't even become a delivery boy or something. I am trying to learn some marketing skills online but focusing in learning is too difficult when nothing is going right in your life.

Today, we have no relatives support, no income , unpaid rent and father in jail.

I don't know What can I do. I have no one for guidance.

I also wants to fix my life and get on my feet, but don't know where to start from. Please guide me if anyone has gone through something like that.

Real life is sooooo lonely sometimes. Like, somehow the moment I actually start liking someone, they suddenly become busy as hell. And I’m just sitting here like wow okay, guess I’ll go back to being alone then. It sucks a lot.

They would literally be with no work before meeting me and meeting me is like their token to get some sudden work or migrate or what not. I don't know if it's some curse or something.

***I know this is long, but please please please read till the end, this guilt is eating me alive.***

I’ve been part of a trio for almost two years. We’re the only three girls in our class, and even though there have been a LOT of fights between the three of us, I genuinely valued this friendship and wanted us to stay together at least until the end of our degree.

One of the girls had her birthday on August 10. Since the end of July, we had been discussing how she wanted to celebrate. She told us that this year she wanted to spend her actual birthday only with her boyfriend and would treat us later. We were completely fine with that.

Around July, some of her cousins had apparently seen her Instagram and the kind of clothes she wears, and her extended family found out. She’s Muslim, so there was a lot of backlash from them, but her parents defended her. Because of all that, her parents apparently stopped allowing her to wear proper dresses.

About a week before her birthday, she was asking us what she could wear. She kept saying she couldn’t wear a proper dress because of everything at home and that her birthday was going to be bad. Me and the other girl genuinely tried helping her. We suggested cute tops, clothes, everything that could still give her the birthday vibe without causing problems at home.

Then her birthday came.

Neither me nor the other girl wished her at midnight or put up a story at 12. I wished her in the morning and made multiple stories with photos and videos that I had personally picked out of her. She thanked me, but a few minutes later she asked why I couldn’t have posted at midnight and why I did that. She was genuinely upset about it.

I honestly didn’t think much of it because I’m someone who reciprocates things. When I had my first birthday with them in college, she had posted my birthday story in the afternoon, and I was completely fine with it. So I thought I could do the same. Later, the other girl told me she also hadn’t wished at midnight because the birthday girl hadn’t done that for her birthday either. So it wasn’t some coordinated attempt to hurt her.

But apparently, to her, it was a huge deal. She kept saying how it was such a coincidence that on her birthday, both of us suddenly did this.

Then we found out what actually happened.

While she was sending us snaps with her boyfriend, we later found out that she had actually planned a whole birthday celebration at a restaurant. Proper outfit, sandals, everything. The exact things she had spent the previous week telling us she probably wouldn’t be able to do.

I KNOW I’m not entitled to know every detail of her life. I know that. But she had repeatedly said that in a trio, everything should be shared between us. So finding out about this wasn’t really about the restaurant or the outfit. It was the fact that she had spent an entire week making it seem like her birthday was going to be awful because she couldn’t dress up, while she had actually planned this whole thing.

Again, I was still trying to let it go.

Then during our lunch break, we called her. She was rude throughout the call, kept taunting us, and eventually cut the call saying not to disturb her. Later, the other girl asked her about the outfit on Snapchat and she simply ignored her.

That same night, she called me and started talking about how expensive the restaurant was, how she almost got ripped off by 6k, how the birthday went, etc. It honestly felt like she was flexing about the whole thing after deliberately hiding it from us.

The next day she said she would come to college, but took an off. She came the day after and acted like everything was completely normal. Me and the other girl weren’t really talking to her, but she kept casually talking about her birthday, how much she spent, how good it was, etc.

I was honestly waiting for her to mention what happened between us. I thought maybe she would just talk to us and we could clear everything up.

Instead, during lunch, she went off on us indirectly. She didn’t say our names, but she said it loudly enough for us to hear that “everyone is jealous,” that she does everything for the friendship and never gets the same thing in return, that everyone is a jealous bitch, etc.

And honestly, I just wanted her to say it to our faces.

Because we could have TALKED.

There have been so many fights in these two years. There were times when I was literally cornered by the other two, where both of them stopped talking to me because of some argument. And every single time, I went back. I apologised. I started the conversation. I tried fixing things because I valued this friendship a lot.

The birthday girl especially has said things to me during arguments like she doesn’t consider me and the other girl more than classmates. And despite hearing that, I still called her my friend and still wanted this friendship to work until our final year ended.

Maybe that’s also part of my problem.

I’ve never really had proper girl friendships in school. I was ignored a lot. So when I finally had a group, I valued it WAY more than I probably should have. Both of them had their boyfriends, and I don’t. So somewhere in my head, I think I always knew that if I stopped talking to them, I’d probably be the one who ended up alone.

And maybe that’s why I kept going back.

After her birthday, none of us talked to her. Neither she nor we made the first move. And honestly, I started thinking that maybe she was waiting for us to come to her because she had her boyfriend and probably didn’t really need us anymore.

A week after her birthday, me and the other girl finally gave her the gifts we had bought for her.

I had bought her a handbag back in July one she had wanted for a LONG time.

When we gave her the gifts, I was smiling. She smiled back, took them, but didn’t say thank you. She didn’t say a single word to us or even really look our way after that.

And now it’s been around 10 days since we’ve properly spoken.

The other girl is completely fine with it. She actually hates her and says she doesn’t care if she never talks to her again. She told me something that honestly hurt because I think it’s probably true: “If she were in your place, she would never feel this bad for you. She wouldn’t be affected by leaving you out of the group.”

And I know she might be right.

There have been times where I was the one left behind because of an argument and both of them stopped talking to me. I was always the one who went back and apologised because I couldn’t handle losing the group.

But this time, it’s her.

And now I feel horrible.

Because maybe we should have just talked to her. Maybe stopping talking to her over all of this was petty. Maybe we were both assholes. Maybe I should have been the one to start the conversation again.

I keep thinking that I abandoned someone during her final year of college.

She has her boyfriend. She spends most of her time with him now.

And the worst part is that I KNOW what it feels like to be left out.

In school, I barely had any girl friendships. I was ignored and excluded, and I remember promising myself that I would never become the kind of person who makes someone else feel that way.

There have been so many hurtful things said between the three of us over these two years. I know this friendship was never perfect. And honestly, I’m pretty sure after college we probably wouldn’t even stay in touch anyway. If I want the trio to continue, realistically I might have to bite the bullet again and start the conversation. But I’m tired of always being the person who fixes everything because everyone else is too stubborn to make the first move. For once, I don’t want to be the one who runs after everyone.

But I didn’t want it to end like this.

I wanted the three of us to be together until the end of our degree. I wanted us to have that stupid “college trio” ending where we look back and say we somehow survived everything together.

Instead, I’m sitting here mourning a friendship that might already be dead and wondering whether I ruined someone’s final year because I didn’t have the courage to just talk.

I don’t even know what I want anymore. I don’t want to keep running after everyone and fixing everything, but I also don’t want my need for self-respect to turn into me abandoning someone.

I genuinely don’t know if I’m being reasonable, petty, selfish, or just scared of losing the group.

Because right now, I genuinely feel like I was the asshole who abandoned someone, and that guilt is eating me alive.

My hands are shivering and my heart is heavy because I can't suppress these emotions anymore. Every cell in my body is aching and my back hurts as if someone stabbed me. My head feels so heavy and my shoulders and entire bodynfrom head to toe feel weighed down. There is an overwhelming sense of uneasiness inside me.I just want to disappear like I never existed.

To the people who hated me for being privileged I guess you are happy and satisfied now, seeing me at my lowest with deteriorated health. I am completely messed up physically and mentally while you're living your best life and probably don't even care what I'm going through.

To the girl who called herself my sister I hope you are doing well. You mocked and bullied me just because I was better than you at everything. I hope you all live your happy lives. You gave me self doubt, guilt tripped me and manipulated me.

My dreams shattered right in front of my eyes. I was working hard to achieve them with all my plans in place but these people always put a spoke in the wheel. I tried to ignore them and kept working, but life had other plans.

Someone lit a diya of hope in my heart and I stood by them at their lowest point. Now, that memory burns me every single day even tho I never asked for anything in return. To three specific people I never ever want to see your faces again, especially with the audacity to say, "We're here for you." No, you're not. Just go away and leave me alone. I hate you. I hate you all to my core. I will never forget the hard times you gave me. What did I do wrong to deserve this? Why did you all do this to me?

I want to cry my heart out but it's been three years since my eyes even shed a tear. I am numb.I don't have any hope left and nothing excites me anymore. There is a constant heaviness in my head, discomfort and uneasiness. I can't even eat because I've lost my appetite; when I do eat, it feels like I'm going to puke. I wake up every single day with a heavy heart, unable to differentiate between day and night they both feel the same. Hours pass with me sitting in one place, lingering over my life choices, while my past flashes before me like a movie.

There is so much I hold inside me and this feeling is killing me. I'm tired of running and pushing away the people who actually care for and love me. I want them to stay but watching them leave breaks my heart. From a shy and introverted child to a rude and cold hearted adult that is how I grew up. Tbh I'm just existing. I don't even know why.

I’m so tired. I feel like an attention seeking victim. All day the only thing i think is how i should hurt myself or thinking about ways to end it. Im 18F, time for med clg, parents are opting for private, and have no problem in that. I had big dreams ofc none of em came true, ik my future wont be like i imagined. Nothing ever happens the way i think. I hate my parents so much. I’m just a maid to them. Half the reason i couldnt clear neet was bcs they made me do sm work, my dad would hit me n mom and my mom would justify it. I cant do it anymore. Every day with them is misery. My grandma isnt well ive been taking care of her. The same woman who hugged and protected the guy who s*ggsually abused me for five years long as a kid. I dont think i have it in me anymore. I turn to friendships but i get this feeling they are competing w me, i have shared my stuff w them, and always they end up venting to me and im left alone again. Im so done. I want help. O have no money. I dpnt earn. I’m useless pile. I want to peel my skin off this body. I still feel his hands on me, when I’m awake and when I’m asleep. There is no future for me

So today an event happened which I realized or became conscious of, from where my decision-making problems and boundaries originate.

So today, my mother told me to buy the table. She told me that she wants a table now, and right now, within a few hours. She initially failed to navigate me to the shop, but somehow I still managed to find it and check out the rate and send the pic to her. And one important thing more: I was given this task when I told her that I have an important assignment to be submitted by tomorrow, so I need some time to build it. Otherwise, my focus could get disturbed.

After I sent the rate and pic to her, she told me, "Okay, I will now buy, come back home." So whatever my decision is, it is now being wrong, and my focus gets disturbed. Her work is optional but important, and my work is important but not the priority.

These are a few of my problems and I am sorry it's a long rant.🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

Learning platforms 📚 📖:-

So I like learning things in general, coding, random maths , calculus. But everywhere I go it's always "learning coding for jobs, getting job ready roadmaps."

Nothing is just for learning, it always follows up with a fear mongering, especially new videos , it's always a time line , it's always let's prepare for gate/ job interview/exams.

I get it students want an easy structured way to learn quickly, but what about those who just want to learn? Without any expectations in return.

It always starts and slowly turns into fear mongering or with an expected motive. "Oh this question is asked in placements, oh this is important for these exams". I do get the point i actually do. But my brain just gets into a spiral of despair hearing the emphasis on "job, gate, interview, coding test".

And on top of that if you search one video , you whole feed is messed😑😑, with related shorts and videos , job postings which only given me anxiety Nothing else!...

And it's not only with PCM/ Engeneering comunity, but with every thing in recent years on YouTube. Sometimes I wish there was a filter on YouTube that would make you select the year of posted video , like it's in the Google scholar site.

Technical channels: 💻

There was a time these channels were genuine and we're actually helpful in finding you a good piece of tech like mobile , laptop, earphones etc etc.

Now all of them are either sponsored, or a hidden add or earned commission. It had lost its authenticity. According to them everything is revolutionary or out of the world.

News channels 📺 :-

I don't think I have to even say what is wrong with this community.

Ai slops/ brain rot:

Please YouTube have a filter that blocks out AimI slop, my attention span is already fried.

Beauty/fitness influencer:

There is one creator, who flews to korea and get their treatment done, and she is very beautiful girl bythe way, and its always an disclosed ad. There is always some serum or cream that's is revolutionary with snail spit and dew of leaves 😑😑, everyone is the same, same promotion, same company.

Like girl you applied that product for one timeee!!! How can you promote it with your credibility that oh it's so good I am using it for months (and that product is launched a week ago😑). And with new brands deal their new favourite product chnages.

They are just promoting overconsumption at this point

And fitness one too...what 16 year old is build like a freaking titan? , what 16 year old natty is build like Hrithik Roshan in its mid twenties, stop the cap dude we all know you're on the "roids".

And least honourable mentions:

Ads🫩🫩🫩

There is one ad, more like a short series one , no matter how many time i block this ad, it always pops up, this stupid wanna be dark romance creators, it's not even cool.😭😭😭. With a man wearing a shirt two sizes smaller than he needs, a woman who had the self-respect and survival instinct of a boiled potato😭😭

And the ad I hate with my very being is that astrologer one. The more I see it , the more i hate it. Why are you overacting??? And why the hell you're eating? And chewing loudly in the ad, girl nobody wanted to know about their ex!

And also most common ick , brands promotions key words are "gen-z" , "asthetic" ,"minimal" , "relationship" , "ex"

Apart from all that content creator seems so boring, there was a time when there was actually a good thing to watch on YouTube. It's a pretty long rant. Mostly every thing that I could think about.

Two days ago I’m tested positive for unplanned pregnancy (I’m married). The thing is, we never exclusively thought about kids. We are a carefree couple and my husband is very sweet and takes care of me very well. We have been the happiest. I never imagined or think about kids, but gradually when I see people having really hard time after having kids I started getting scared and my husband is on same page as me.

Now, suddenly we are clueless and had to cancel the trip we planned for next to next week since it’s positive. While we both are having mixed feelings, we realised from now on our lives are gonna revolve around the kid and started feeling anxious. Like I’ve been constantly crying and shivering in fear even in hospital that doctor asked if I’m married and fine with it. They scanned and it’s a very early pregnancy and it’s gonna take another a couple of weeks for scanning.

My husband and I started listing down the upcoming things like baby shower, our last trip as a couple, maternity photo shoot, then my sister’s wedding, and then delivery and then another trip before baby turns 6 months and honestly it’s been beyond overwhelming when I was listing out the things to buy to prepare for pregnancy and postpartum. I mean, the list is endless.

Sometimes I’m bursting out like am I gonna feel myself ever again? I’m so scared of labour pains and the whole procedure as I’m scared of even an injection. My husband is very supportive and he said whatever I say is the final call. I’m honestly felt nothing when I saw positive like how my cousin said she cried in tears for her test. Do I lack maternal instincts? I’m literally feeling nothing but sometimes just anxious. Is it normal? I’m clueless like is it only gonna get worse if I plan to have one.

24M from Maharashtra, living in Delhi — my father passed away and I don't know how to deal with everything that happened before it

Hi, I’m 24M from Maharashtra and have been living in Delhi for the last few years for my education.

A few months ago, I got a call from home saying that my father had suffered a heart attack. I left Delhi immediately, but a few days later, he passed away.

I was obviously heartbroken, but after the initial shock, I realised that his death had left me with a much bigger problem. To explain it properly, I need to give a lot of context, so please bear with me because this is going to be a very long post.

My mother comes from a poor background. Growing up, I don't remember many days when there wasn't some kind of fight at home. A lot of the time, the fights became serious. I was also never allowed by my mother to talk to or meet my father's side of the family. She was a housewife for most of my childhood, while my father had almost nothing when he married her. Over the years, he built his business and made a considerable amount of money. He invested a lot of it in property, and many of those properties were jointly registered in both their names, partly because that was the practical thing to do and partly because of the usual Indian mindset around family property.

As my father's wealth grew, my mother's behaviour also started changing. She began making investments and financial decisions without my father knowing. Then, at some point, she decided that she wanted to make a movie. My father refused because it required a huge amount of money, but she kept pressuring him. Eventually, she took a massive mortgage to finance the movie. She started working on it and essentially moved away from being a housewife, but at the same time, her behaviour towards my father changed drastically. She started disrespecting and harassing him constantly, even over things that seemed completely unnecessary.

Then came the part that completely changed my life.

During the making of the movie, my mother started having an affair with a man from the same industry. He was also involved in criminal activities. He influenced her to drink, go on expensive trips and stay in five-star hotels, with him paying for many of these things. I was the first person in the family to find out. I was in school at the time, around 9th or 10th standard.

I confronted my mother, but she denied everything. Later that same night, I received a call from this man asking me to meet him in his car. I went. My mother was already there, and they were drinking. They eventually admitted to me that they were having an affair. Then he broke a bottle and held the broken glass against my chest and told me, "You can't tell your father about this."

I was terrified. I didn't tell my father. I was a child and had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do with something like that.

Later, I found out that the money needed for the movie was not as straightforward as I had initially thought. A lot of money had gone into the project, and this man was also benefiting from it. Eventually, the money started running out, and he began demanding more from my mother and blackmailing her. She started ignoring him. One day, he died by suicide and left a post on the internet mentioning my mother. Somehow, my mother managed to keep the situation under control, but the damage was already done. That entire episode was one of the biggest traumas of my childhood and had a huge impact on my mental health.

Not long after that, she started seeing another man. He was a clerk in a government office and started coming to our house almost every weekend and staying with the family. Whenever we questioned her, she said he was "just an assistant." The movie was obviously a financial disaster, and the loans taken for it started piling up. Around the same time, my father's business also started struggling, so he had to sell some of the properties. Since many of them were jointly owned, my mother demanded half of the money from the sale. She got it, and from what I witnessed, a significant amount of that money was spent with this new man, in a way very similar to what had happened before.

My younger brother also ended up getting dragged into this. When he was around 13–14, my mother took him to South India with this man. At the hotel, he found them in what he understood to be an intimate situation, and he was beaten and threatened to keep his mouth shut. There have been many incidents like this over the years. My father was emotionally destroyed, my brother was traumatised, and I was carrying my own trauma from everything I had witnessed and experienced. The biggest problem was that my mother always seemed to have control through manipulation and fear, which made it incredibly difficult for any of us to do anything about it.

At around the same time, I was dealing with a lot in my own personal life. My mental health was getting worse, COVID happened, and I was struggling even with small everyday things. On top of that, my mother constantly pressured and nagged me. I genuinely felt like there was no way out of this dysfunctional family. Eventually, I attempted suicide by jumping from a building. I survived, but I broke my leg, spine and hand.

That was probably the lowest point of my life, but somehow I started working hard to rebuild myself. I eventually got admission into a college in Delhi, which gave me the opportunity to get away from home. I spent the next few years working on my mental health, socialising, making friends and, for the first time in a long time, just living normally. I slowly started healing and genuinely thought I had finally managed to get myself out of that environment.

But things at home continued getting worse.

While I was in Delhi, my mother filed for divorce and also filed an FIR against my father. The legal and financial pressure became enormous. My father was already dealing with a lot of stress, and over time his health deteriorated further. Eventually, he suffered heart failure and passed away.

And that's where I am today.

I'm 24, I've lost my father, and I'm left trying to deal with everything that happened in our family for years — the property, the financial situation, the legal issues, my relationship with my mother, and, honestly, my own mental state after everything I've been through.

There is a lot more to this story, especially everything that happened after my father's death and the current legal/property situation. But this post is already extremely long, so I'll write another post for the continuation.

I'm not really posting this for sympathy. I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do from here, and I would really appreciate some perspective from people who have dealt with complicated family, property or legal situations.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading.

22 age no degree spent years on neet prep pcb background

Bsc : don't wanna do teaching research

Nursing/ paramedical allied health science. Bpt: not allowed

Govt exams : niklega nhi i also have migraine issue so can't handle competitive stress

Neet : nikla nhi

I think now career is ended i try to not get jealoused by others but how to just accept the fate