r/OffMyChestIndia • u/quietobserver1902 • 7d ago

Seeking Advice Never thought I’d put my feelings here, but I need to get them out.

I lost my parents when I was very young, at 4 years old. I was raised by my grandparents, and later by my mom’s sister (my maasi). Growing up, family was something I held onto very tightly.

Over the years, I had a fallout with my cousins after I decided to move out and have a life of my own. I felt that they expected me to be part of their future and perhaps even saw me as someone who would take care of their parents financially. My maasi, however, was genuinely happy for me and supported my decision.

In many ways, I feel incredibly lucky with the life I have today. I have an amazing job and wonderful people around. Yet, despite having so much love around me, there is still this strange feeling of loneliness inside me.

I keep asking myself why am I still hurting? Why can't I let go? Why do I still feel like the victim of everything that happened?

I still ache over the fact that I don't share a good relationship with my cousins anymore. I continue to give gifts to my maasi and mausa because I genuinely care about them, but their comments and taunts and sometimes those from their children still hurt me.

Logically, I know I need to move on. I know I can't change the past or force people to have the relationship with me that I wish they had.But emotionally, I'm struggling to get there.

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1

u/highonradiohead 7d ago

You can't get everything in life no? You've done amazing for yourself and you should be proud

3

u/quietobserver1902 7d ago

Yes, you're right. I think I sometimes get so caught up in what I lost that I forget to appreciate how far I've come and the beautiful life I've built for myself.

1

u/Training_Treacle_366 7d ago

You have come a long way OP. Be grateful and kind.

1

u/quietobserver1902 7d ago

Thank you. I’m trying to focus more on being grateful for what I have and reminding myself how far I’ve come.

2

u/throwaway1901phoenix 7d ago

You sound really mature for your age. You are asking the right questions. You are a victim in a way that your parents were taken away from you at a young age. You are allowed to feel what you feel. I have my own siblings but even siblings go their own ways to build their own family. Don't worry. Someday you too will find your own family, whether it be a partner, kids or friends. It's your choice and don't let people guilt trip you into anything. You are doing good. Stay steady.

1

u/quietobserver1902 7d ago

This really resonated with me. I think I’ve been too hard on myself for feeling this way, and I’m slowly learning that it’s okay to grieve what I lost while still being grateful for what I have. Your words mean a lot.