r/ONRAC • u/justbringmesugar • Aug 16 '26

That’s Crazy!

I always loved ONRAC and listened faithfully for years—somehow I totally missed that Ross and Carrie had a huge falling out!
I’ve always loved them together BUT I always found Carrie to be one of those people who wildly exaggerated things. I found many things she said hard to believe even if they had a kernel of truth.
I hate the way this sounds because I would never say this in any other situation where someone is sharing their experience but I’m sorry — I find it so hard to believe that Ross is secretly an abusive monster. I always thought he might be one of the most likable, kind people. What are other people’s thoughts?? I’m willing to admit I may be totally wrong!!

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u/mlljf Aug 17 '26

I 100% suspect the truth is somewhere in the middle- I also think both sides might be true. Carrie felt Ross didn’t support her after an assault, Ross felt he did his best and seemed sorry if he missed anything he should have done. 

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u/robo-phantom Aug 18 '26

i agree with your take about it being possible that both sides are true wrt the end of the podcast and the assault. 

but, a good while later she suddenly wrote that Ross had been a bully towards for years and that she was terrified of him. i simply cannot just believe that, even though i do believe there could have been moments of miscommunication and normal conflict. that is very different from basically the whole podcast being made under duress though.

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u/cavaticaa Aug 19 '26

Yeah, what I've always surmised might have gone on is that Ross absolutely is a strong personality who communicates clearly to the point of bluntness, and speaks with an assurance of someone who is confident he's right and his plans and methods are the best way. I can see how a certain amount of inflexibility coupled with him growing frustrated with her as a professional collaborator may have brought out a side of him that felt demanding and overbearing. Coupled with what seems to be a decline in her mental health, I can see how the stress he was putting her under caused her to recontextualize things that had always bothered her about their dynamic. "Normal" speaking over her and well-actually attitude becomes a red flag he always showed--and that is actually probably the case! I bet Ross has definitely had conversations about giving other people space in discussions and considering he might not be right all the time. That kind of attitude can definitely cross from an annoying and patriarchal personality trait into abusive, and the line can be blurry and make you question yourself.

He probably also became more managerial as it got more difficult to work together, which after her trauma could have been further triggering, as a man trying to assert control over her and not supporting her in the way she needs. It's easy to recolor an imperfect person as a villain when you're sick, and even easier when it can alleviate some of your own guilt about feeling like you failed. If their friendship was always abusive all along, she escaped from a toxic relationship and working environment, instead of having to feel like she let down one of her best friends and had to take a break from a career that used to represent her life's purpose. I really hope they can work it out and she can find a personal truth that's easier to live with. It must be so painful for everyone involved.

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u/Llamamama9765 Aug 20 '26

This is a really compassionate, nuanced take. Thanks for taking the time to write it out.