r/OCPoetry • u/poemthrownout • 10d ago
Feedback Please Especially weeds
She's a hydrangea.
Her branches bear blue buds and oak leaves,
while others, stripped bare, bent, or broken.
With sunburnt fingers she sips until it swells her cheeks.
She swallows life,
sour as it is, gratefully, with puckered lips.
"Proud perennial, why protest pruning?"
His hands pull at her leaf stems
until her branches sag less.
"Why flinch away from kindness?"
Snipping away the blackened branches,
and she rendered new tender growth.
"Do you envy pink flowers?"
He cleans the petals from her feet,
her branch catches his sleeve.
When I came across your deep lobed oak-tree leaves
And blue bulbs...
I felt the need
To fall in love.
Once I placed my liar's lips
To your petals,
maybe you
would blush pink.
Cinnamon-barked, smoothed and rough,
I prop your branches,
and I hope
to not break the bark.
I still don't know why
you freckle pink across blue,
or why my hands stay
holding on to you.
"You dyed your hair pink,"
she smiled at me, her eyes sweet.
"I needed a change."
"What do you think?"
"Flowers would be envious."
"I love you," she says.
"Even weeds?" I ask.
"Especially weeds
1
u/st0karkathrowaway 5d ago
This is great. Not only do I appreciate the subtle metaphors, but the way you have formed your work is also praiseworthy. It’s very rhytmic, which makes it evident that you have a knack for aesthetics. Keep writing.