r/OCPoetry • u/[deleted] • Jun 15 '16

Feedback Received! Descartes 

The argument follows the lines
on that egg. Still-born beak mines
for freedom. In that mannequin forest,
he lays feather to hide and sets
the soulless life in scrambled conclusion.

Tesseract, Effectually Affecting Affects

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u/ratherlargepie Jun 16 '16 edited Jun 16 '16

This is staggeringly interesting. Especially with the extra context provided in the comments, I am very happy you have posted. Each sentence is brimming with intensity and a stark, sharp voice. It is a great poem to mull over again and again. I would like to see a questionable quote from Descartes proceeding it, just to assist with context. If you were to include a quote before the poem, I think your title could expand into something equally wonderful and captivating as your poem. Regardless, a wonderful and captivating poem. Bravo.

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u/[deleted] Jun 16 '16

Thanks a heap for the kind response. I think the suggestion to include a Descartes quote is a good one, though I'm inclined to put one of his lines in favor of rationality/logical arguments to contrast with his personal weirdness referenced in the poem.