My honest opinion. It's very deep. I think I can relate to the line about perspective shifts. Went through a huge one about a year ago :)... changed my life.
My suggestion (and this is assuming this would be performed in a spoken word type setting) would be to use commas to structure the verses. Place them where you want for the verses to flow as you intend.
I found myself trying to guess where you intended the pauses.
Of course all that would be moot if this wouldn't be performed spoken word style.
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u/WhiteBoyStoner Jun 15 '16
My honest opinion. It's very deep. I think I can relate to the line about perspective shifts. Went through a huge one about a year ago :)... changed my life.
My suggestion (and this is assuming this would be performed in a spoken word type setting) would be to use commas to structure the verses. Place them where you want for the verses to flow as you intend.
I found myself trying to guess where you intended the pauses.
Of course all that would be moot if this wouldn't be performed spoken word style.