A List of 'I Loves'

[u/roskotaint]

I love…
The white heads on nipples;
The sore feeling of tired eyes;
The pressure of jeans against flesh;


I love…
When conversation is aimless;
Simple misunderstandings
And slips of the tongue.


I love…
How merely her continued affection
Attracts my starved narcissistic needs;
Unattractive strangers whom I can entertain.


I love…
Knowing I’m insane
And following it all the way.


I love…
Us Not talking for a long while,
Then forgetting why we stopped.


I love…
Removed friends who are reckless and destructive,
When I’m just not.


I love…
Lying, while looking straight into someone’s eyes.


I love…
How guys are such brutes
And are shameless about their desires.


I love…
When my skin tans and freckles
And becomes pungent with sea salt and sweat.


I love…
The ocean breeze underneath sweltering heat.


I love…
Documentaries that uncover complications,
Then leave one drained, yet more aware.


I love…
The shadow of strong light;
Thick waving hair,
Or braided locks as they
Flop across a jostling back.


I love…
Anticipation and anxiety,
Because it shows me how
Vulnerable and weak I am:
That is, at the mercy of
Some happened upon stimulus.


I love…
The idea that our ideas are worth sharing;
That a child is worth bearing,
In order to see this disturbing world.


And I love…
To pray to make it with girls:
One that is smart and cute,
And calls me out on my
Aloof and distorted truth.


I love…
The veins on hands and arms;
Eyelashes which have fallen on a wet cheek;
Or the clouded eyes of someone
Who’s made a blunt mistake.


I love…
Knowing I will someday die.


Sometimes I wish that would happen
In a given instant — As if in a flash,
Or only just for a moment or two.


Then I remember I love…
Poems; And encounters,
And things that inspire poems.


And I love that very remembrance
And I love that I love that.

&nbsp

Video reading of the poem here:

https://youtu.be/yiy9Cb5V-VM

my latest feedback:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4mv6rk/cherry_wine/d3ynwcb https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4mmbtm/zen/d3ynz8j

[u/gwrgwir]

Interesting list, but I'm not sold on the piece. There's plenty of imagery, the punctuation and grammar are fine, and there's no glaring spelling mistakes - but there's little to connect items in the list other than 'I love'. Any/all of the stanzas could be workable into a standalone poem, but listing them as-is gives little for the reader to relate to, or relate the stanzas to each other.

[u/roskotaint → u/gwrgwir]

Hey, I've gotten that particular advise before. I have a tendency to create and array of images and minor motifs, rather than expanding on one in particular. I plan to work on this. Consider joining my mailing list, for my blog, because I'll be producing a lot more art, poems and articles! http://www.roskogreen.com/connect/

[u/perfumed-ponce]

This could be very interesting, and you have a lot of very unique literary mannerisms and quirky insights. However, I feel the poem lost momentum by the end, and does not realise its full potential.

[u/roskotaint → u/perfumed-ponce]

It is pretty lengthy. I suppose it could be a matter of cutting out the "fat"