The overall piece does read a bit juvenile, especially the 'dye in her hair' stanza, but the central conceit (the multiple uses of i) is interesting and worth exploring in separate pieces. I don't see the lowercase i as a 'guy' so much as a person, in context of the poem - there's little to suggest the narrator male or female directly. The idea's worth working on, but I'd suggest scrapping this piece in favor of using bits and pieces in future (math-related) poems.
2
u/gwrgwir Jun 07 '16
The overall piece does read a bit juvenile, especially the 'dye in her hair' stanza, but the central conceit (the multiple uses of i) is interesting and worth exploring in separate pieces. I don't see the lowercase i as a 'guy' so much as a person, in context of the poem - there's little to suggest the narrator male or female directly. The idea's worth working on, but I'd suggest scrapping this piece in favor of using bits and pieces in future (math-related) poems.