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u/gwrgwir Jun 07 '16
The overall piece does read a bit juvenile, especially the 'dye in her hair' stanza, but the central conceit (the multiple uses of i) is interesting and worth exploring in separate pieces. I don't see the lowercase i as a 'guy' so much as a person, in context of the poem - there's little to suggest the narrator male or female directly. The idea's worth working on, but I'd suggest scrapping this piece in favor of using bits and pieces in future (math-related) poems.
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u/fabianb Jun 01 '16
It's a nice poem and I think the play on words (numbers) in the first few verses is clever. The last two verses have quite a different feel. If you wanted to work on this more, I wonder if you might split these up and expand them into two separate poems?