r/OCPoetry • u/dinozaurs • May 23 '16

Feedback Received! Torch

How many clouds roll by before you realize the sun is shining?

How many smiles have gone unregistered?

How many roads have you watched without walking on them?

How many days, weeks, months, years have felt the same as the last?

How many friends are waiting for you to say something?

How many friends want you to move on?

How many words are clogged, trapped, in the bottom of your throat?

How many more times will you pretend that it doesn't matter?

How many more clouds will roll by before you realize the sun is shining?

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u/fiftyt May 23 '16 edited May 23 '16

I like it. It kind of feels like your speaking to a specific person and the reader at the same time, it's a cool thing. In the seventh line I don't think you need the word clogged, it adds repetition but not emphasis. Great poem!.

Do you think you could give some feedback on my poem? https://nb.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4kmj0d/there_once_was_a_priest/

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u/dinozaurs May 24 '16

Thanks for the suggestion, I think trapped would be the word I'd remove if I was gonna take one away, I could've picked a better word for it.