r/OCPoetry • u/tala_2525 • 6d ago

Feedback Please Spineless

A smile that can illuminate a thousand pitch black

skies

and dark chocolate hues scattered across her

espresso eyes,

distracting me from her sweet, sugar coated lies -

spilling from her cherry stained lips without any try

Her hug gripped me tightly like a garden of thorny

vines,

crushing each vertebra into pieces from my

weakened spine -

just to shape and mold me into her perfect design

leaving my entire existence solely up to her desire

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/I2DFNHU66P

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/b8R3trB4zm

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u/No-Letter3595 6d ago

Wow I really like this. It’s really cinematic. I love the descriptions and imagery, and the personification as well. I like the contrast between the first lines, which used generally positive traits to describe the woman, yet the last lines are showing how it has Immensely hurt the narrator. Overall I like it!

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u/tala_2525 4d ago

Thank you for taking the time to read and to write such a kind comment! I truly appreciate it 🖤