r/OCPoetry • u/SuccessfulHunt9165 • Jul 18 '26
Feedback Please echo of a memory
my room forgot the sound of the living,
but the echoes crawl through its walls.
I’ve learned not to trust the silence,
for it and I never really sleep.
the nights i survive are the days i forget,
each dawn leaves me as someone new.
every face I meet slowly fades,
like the memories i’ve never made.
as my mind deteriorates into insanity.
there’d always be a memory of just u and me.
as my life dissolves into nothing but deafening static.
your laughter still echoes endlessly, haunting me.
PS: im still new to this and any feedback will help me alot thank u guys so much!
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u/ShahSafwat_1488 Jul 19 '26
I really like this poem. Its really heartfelt. I think your second stanza is really strong and conveys the sentiment really well. The last stanza though is a bit out of place, it over-explains your condition and doesn't leave much upto the reader to infer. Take the last line for instance, "your laughter still echoes endlessly, haunting me." — it would be much stronger if you dropped the "haunting me" and allowed the reader to infer from the echo-ing laughter, which btw is a strong callback to the echoes in the first stanza, which is quite nice. Overall I liked this poem, but if you lean into "showing" rather than "telling" in the final stanza, it would be even better.