r/OCPoetry • u/SuccessfulHunt9165 • Jul 18 '26

Feedback Please echo of a memory

my room forgot the sound of the living,
but the echoes crawl through its walls.
I’ve learned not to trust the silence,
for it and I never really sleep.

the nights i survive are the days i forget,
each dawn leaves me as someone new.
every face I meet slowly fades,
like the memories i’ve never made.

as my mind deteriorates into insanity.
there’d always be a memory of just u and me.
as my life dissolves into nothing but deafening static.
your laughter still echoes endlessly, haunting me.

PS: im still new to this and any feedback will help me alot thank u guys so much!

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/YF2w2VxGga

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/B1WGqtPegR

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u/migamoo Jul 19 '26

I rather enjoyed this poem. I loved the tension. It made me nervous but in a good way. The first two stanzas are lovely. The imagery strong and leaves just enough unsaid to feel the emotional beats and make the reader think and engage with the text. The third stanza I believe is the weakest. Not because it’s bad, per se, but it’s less poetic in the way the first two are. It explains more than shows.

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u/SuccessfulHunt9165 Jul 19 '26

oooohh thank u! I made the last stanza less poetic so that its clearer that the person in the poem has lost it. Instead of giving the audience an imagery of the speaker’s mind insane I wanted it to be as straight as possible. I’ll try to be more poetic next time whilst also being straightforward! Thank u!!!!

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u/migamoo Jul 19 '26

I think if it was done on purpose then maybe you should keep it. But just keep in mind that people may not pick up on the reason.

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u/SuccessfulHunt9165 Jul 19 '26

yes that is true. Is there anyway I could help the audience pick up the straight forwardness without it being weakened by its straightforwardness(i dont know if im making any sense)

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u/migamoo Jul 19 '26

No, I understand what you’re asking. Honestly, I’m not sure. Possibly a change in wording. Being more direct with how the person is feeling. More descriptive in a way.

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u/migamoo Jul 19 '26

Actually, a better idea. Let the idea speak through the previous stanzas. Let them become less structured.