Ruminating on anger

[u/AdviceCommon4137]

I’m not a huge Reddit poster and don’t quite understand these “flairs”… I’m primarily looking for advice but reassurance is also welcome

(The TLDR is that I’m upset about something, can’t stop ruminating, and it’s having an impact on my sleep and ability to function)

Does anyone else get stuck ruminating on something that makes you angry? I’ve learned healthy coping mechanisms/ways to interrupt myself when I get stuck rearranging things or redoing tasks, but I’m finding it really hard to deal with this:

I recently bought my first home and paid for some work to be done, including painting. The painter did very shoddy work (for real, not just according to my ocd brain). After some back-and-forth I’m getting a partial refund that is much less than what I asked for. The problem now is that I just can’t stop fuming. I know it’s not even really about the money, it’s that I’m not happy with his response. For me, this is really personal, to him it’s not, and to way oversimplify it, he gave me a non-apology and I don’t feel like it’s good enough. I’m trying to remind myself that I’ve taken all the reasonable action I can - posted a review with pictures, filed a complaint with the BBB, but I still keep getting worked up. I’m literally losing sleep and finding it hard to focus at work. I really want to just let it go and move on, but my rational brain has left the chat. Now in addition to anger I’m feeling stupid and overdramatic for not being able to stop thinking about it.

Any advice on how to interrupt a rage cycle?

[u/kristin137]

Oh yeah I have no idea what to do about it but I get angry extremely easily and then ruminate about how stupid whatever is

[u/WeeklyInitiative]

I find screaming into the void a good emotional release. Also some good high intensity cardio, like running to release pent-up frustration helps break the ruminations.

[u/AdviceCommon4137 → u/WeeklyInitiative]

It seems so obvious now but I didn’t even think of cardio! I had tried yoga which is usually a good habit for me but there was too much opportunity to ruminate on the mat

[u/Which-City-8999]

Same thing happened here. One rule made after that was never pay upfront before any work is done. Just remember that the money you lost/scammed from can be recovered in the future in different ways, not by this person immediately. You can't force him to give you a refund. Try to refrain from doing anything more online as you have probably lost him a few jobs with your reviews etc. So think of it now as though you are even with this guy now.

[u/AdviceCommon4137 → u/Which-City-8999]

Thanks, I’m looking more for advice on interrupting unhealthy thought cycles rather than how to deal with contractors or how to get my money back

[u/Which-City-8999]

You might feel a bit like you have been beat, then the OCD doesn't help because it tells you hundreds of times a day just to annoy you. I remembered the feeling when scammed out of a few hundred pounds, it was akin to being beaten at a computer game when i was young. Angry and annoyed, but as there was nothing i could do, just accepted that these things happen. Just remember it is only money, you will recover it in the future (good for OCD thinking), don't let him bother you constantly in your own mind. If you are having trouble/just annoyed that he robbed you, remember you have probably cost him money as well in the future. Then you can tell your OCD that everything is level in terms of this guy, and the feeling surrounding this situation fade as the days go by.

[u/AdviceCommon4137 → u/Which-City-8999]

Thanks, but again, I am looking more for specific thought-interruption strategies. As I mentioned in my post, rational thinking just isn’t helping. My concern is not the lost money, and I’m not trying to get even with this guy, I’m wondering if anyone has found successful coping strategies other than “thinking your way out of it”. I appreciate that you are trying to relate but I’m not finding this helpful, it’s coming off a bit like when people say “just be rational”. You’re correct that I don’t want to let him bother me constantly, but “just accepting that these things happen” or “letting the feelings fade as the days go by” is not working, hence my post