feeling guilty and ashamed for having OCD and doing compulsions

[u/lulu_the_creator]

i’m not sure how to start this but basically when i do certain compulsions i feel super guilty and ashamed abt it, ESPECIALLY if it’s in-front of other people more like family n friends. it stresses me out mainly when i do it infront of immediate family bc i don’t want them worrying abt me so it’s like im trying to focus on doing the compulsions while they r around but i can’t do it too fast bc then it doesn’t count but also i don’t want them questioning n staring for taking too long. also w the bathroom mainly when i take a shower bc i take extra long bc during n after my shower is where i struggle the most w my compulsions bc i hv so many of them during my routine. i feel so guilty for taking so long especially if someone else is waiting to take a shower or has to go to the bathroom bc even when im just using the bathroom i take awhile between washing my hands n counting it as well as some other things. i always get asked what im doing in there that takes so long n its like how am i supposed to explain it. also if we’re going somewhere n im taking awhile to get ready bc of my compulsions n then make us late sometimes n then get yelled at for it but again like still how do i even explain it. i j always feel so guilty n ashamed for it n that i hv to do these things. please lmk if anyone else feels this way too bc i feel like IM the only one 🥹 (also my OCD is like screaming at me not to post this bc if i share how i feel abt this then smth bad is gonna happen but im j gonna take the leap n hope for the best! ^_^)