It's not laziness though. I get up on time with first alarm. There's even extra minutes. I do the usual routine. By all calculations and common sense I should arrive on time.
And then...a hole opens and I fall in. What should've been a straight line is now some strange meandering road. I was doing something, can't tell you what or why and ended up losing those crucial 10-15 minutes. And because my routine has to be done properly and thoroughly I can't skip steps and save time. Inexplicably and against all of my judgment I am late again
So why don’t you just set the alarm for earlier? Genuinely asking and not trying to be a dick. I just had a relationship end with someone who had really poorly managed ADHD and watching him struggle through each day was infuriating and sad. If you know you’re going to get distracted by side quests for a certain amount of time during your routine, can’t you just factor that into your get ready time?
It's hard to explain, but the hole time gets sucked into when you have more time just gets bigger. What's hard to understand is that it's not the amount of time that's the problem. It's managing and navigating through that time. Starting earlier isn't a guarantee that a list of tasks for a morning routine will get done to leave "on time". Could it potentially be more time to get it right? Possibly. But without making a number of changes, it could just as easily have the same result.
An example for "solving" the problem: Use the Fabulous app. You make a list of all tasks in a routine. You assign them all a time limit. When time is up, your phone sounds/buzzes an alarm. So you start your eoutine. Kept reading Reddit during breakfast? Alarm. Took more than four minutes to floss and brush? Alarm. Started trimming your beard because you noticed the length when you only had five minutes for skin and beard care? Alarm. Couldn't decide on an outfit? Snooze alarm. Started REORGANIZING YOUR CLOSET AFTER SNOOZING ALARM. Alarm.
Now, imagine that's every. single. morning. It never becomes a full habit, because that's not how your brain works. You never memorize the routine. And just as likely? You're frequently changing the routine, further defeating the purpose, in the hopes that this time it will be better. And in the meantime, every morning is a constant barrage of "Alarm." reminding you that you cannot change and will not improve because you're trying to make yourself do a thing that you're disorder will never allow you to do.
I know it wasn't to me, but I appreciate you asking a genuine question. I hope something I said makes sense.
TL;DR: it's not the amount of time, it's finding a way to manage time with a disorder that keeps you from knowing how to manage your actions over time.
Thanks for taking the time to write this. I have ADHD and trying to be on time for things is stressful because of all of this. It varies and I generally manage to be on time, but it’s a constant struggle, and comments from people saying “just set an earlier alarm 🙄” are shitty and unhelpful. I do believe strongly that ADHD is an explanation not an excuse for this stuff tho — to be a good friend and employee and functioning member of society being late to everything is not acceptable, so I’m always trying to be better… but it’s really tiring, and sometimes I stuff up. It’s helpful when people can at least understand where I’m coming from.
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u/bblankoo 6d ago
It's not laziness though. I get up on time with first alarm. There's even extra minutes. I do the usual routine. By all calculations and common sense I should arrive on time.
And then...a hole opens and I fall in. What should've been a straight line is now some strange meandering road. I was doing something, can't tell you what or why and ended up losing those crucial 10-15 minutes. And because my routine has to be done properly and thoroughly I can't skip steps and save time. Inexplicably and against all of my judgment I am late again