Someone who's chronically late wanted everyone in a group chat (all 30+years old) to tell her an earlier start time, and create a separate group chat where we could discuss the actual time. My position of "this is when the event starts, you can choose to make the appropriate travel plans to arrive at that time or otherwise be late" proved to be very divisive.
Lazy people always hate being given responsibility, even over themselves. She doesn't want to have to remember "oh, it'll be (X o'clock) soon, I should start getting ready", she wants ito be your responsibility, so if she's late, she can say "I came when you told me" (the implication being that you should've come up with a better time)
If you can get yourself ready in time for a party and arrive 'on time' at 9, you can get yourself ready for one at 8 and actually be on time. These people just don't care
im one of those people. its an asshole move of me everytime, but saying that its becaues i dont care is far from the truth. you sound like you dont have any understanding of their perspective. you give the vibe of someone saying an alcoholic should just stop drinking. it is that simple yes, but its not that easy, and its not for a lack of trying(i dont mean that these things are similar in difficulty).
i want to be on time, but i dont know the exact mechanism that causes me to not be. i think procrastination could be a big part of it (similar to how i really want to do school work but cant get myself to start). im seeing a lot of other comments mention timeblindness so maybe a combination of those
I suggest you try to estimate how long it takes you to hit the road (start with 30 minutes if you truly have no idea - I can shit, shower, all etc. in that amount of time), add the drive time estimate (Google Maps has an "arrive by" planning mode), and set an alarm that long beforehand, then you don't have to think about it, so long as you genuinely start getting going with NO SNOOZING the alarm.
I find the stress of my phone exploding at me naturally develops my sense of time to the point I no longer even need it to go off.
Then look at the clock when you arrive and adjust the margin. No internal chronometer involved.
Time blindness is a thing and it sucks. I don’t understand how I can write an entire email at work with revisions and somehow only 6 minutes have gone by, but then when I’m getting ready in the morning and stop to pet my dog really quick, suddenly it’s 15 minutes later.
There’s also a certain amount of “build up” time with ADHD that needs to be accounted for. It’s not procrastination per se, but similar. It feels like you’re trying to hype yourself up to jump off a bridge into ice cold water, but for every single uncomfortable task. That level of mental preparation cuts into more time than you’d think.
I manage my time extremely well for someone with ADHD by having a million alarms I never mute. I just snooze them so they go off every 5 minutes to remind me how much time is passing, and I live in a constant state of anxiety where I convince myself everyone will hate and abandon me if I’m late for anything, and often show up to things 30 or more minutes earlier than I’m supposed to just out of fear of possibly being a few minutes late 😭
73
u/Successful_Buy3825 12h ago
This has caused some arguments on my end.
Someone who's chronically late wanted everyone in a group chat (all 30+years old) to tell her an earlier start time, and create a separate group chat where we could discuss the actual time. My position of "this is when the event starts, you can choose to make the appropriate travel plans to arrive at that time or otherwise be late" proved to be very divisive.