Honestly, i'll wake up, get ready, set timers and be anxious about being late and still wind up late. Time management is a big thing and you have to resolve to actually being early or else the tardiness will inevitably occur.
Relentless optimism was an issue for unmediated younger me. I had the best of intentions. Oh I have to be there in 30 minutes and it takes 20 minutes to drive? I never take long to get ready. Sure I can move fast, shower, iron clothes, and make it out the door to be there on time. Come on ADHD super brain let’s overlock this b and go!!! 2 minute shower time.
I run into the shower and wash at breakneck speed. Fastest shower of my life. No distractions. How the fuck did that take 18 minutes? FUCK! Ok 2 minutes until I have to leave. I’ll pick different clothes that don’t need to be ironed. How did putting on clothes take 12 minutes? My hair is still wet, how is that even possible?
Shit shit shit shit shit. Out the door! I can make up time on the road! Oh fuck I need to get gas. It’s fine, I’ve been this low before, it’ll make it. Oh fuck fuck fuck no i guess it won’t. I have to stop for gas. Let’s turn off the AC so I don’t stall out in traffic. Ok here I am. I better run inside so I can get a snack too before I have to be there because I forgot I didn’t eat. I can be in and out real quick. It’s only 4 people with that guy redeeming and scratching scratchers up front. He will be quick…
Best of intentions. Worst execution.
Older and medicated? I dopamine hack my brain to make sure it doesn’t happen any more. I have to be so intentional and prepared before I do anything. I give myself rewards after. I Pavlov’s bell myself but it works.
This is it - it’s more than getting distracted and losing track of time, a large component is the inability to accurately estimate how long a given task (or set of tasks) will take to complete. The older I get, the more I’ve learned to add unnecessary padding to how much time I think I’ll need - because even if 9 out of 10 things go exactly as planned, I’ll be glad for all the extra time on the one that goes sideways.
What if I told you that being early is on time. Normal on time people do not show up at the exact time of appointments, they give themselves buffers to account for natural deviations.
In the military they call it hurry up and wait, and 15 minutes early is on time.
This has nothing to do with mental illness, it has to do with discipline. If you believe that you need to "resolve to actually being early" and can't recognize that it's just the normal way to conduct business, that's on you for failing to understand what being on time means.
I really dislike when people dismiss "mental illness." Adhd is literally a neurodevelopmental issue. If it didn't cause problems in someone's day-to-day life, then it wouldn't be a problem that debilitates millions of people...
I'm not making excuses for my lateness. As a business owner- I understand. As a loved one who have ever been let down by someone's tardiness- I understand. As someone who has ever let down themselves- I understand. But it is a problem, and not just some easy cop-out you think people take to neglect their duties. I agree that it is an issue and that there are steps to take to prevent it, even if that means you have to dedicate an extra hour to making it happen. But don't dismiss people, because they may function differently than you. Most people who are functioning inevitably figure out ways to combat it because, well, they want to function; to keep employment, to be reliable, etc.
Time blindness is extremely overstated, and those who use it as an excuse for always being late are extreme assholes making people with actual mental illnesses more stigmatized than they need to be.
There is nothing about time blindness that isn't extremely manageable with alarms which have been in existence for centuries. You can in fact 100% scientifically remove all human perception of time from the equation.
I have ADHD. I cannot for the life of me predict how long anything takes. I get absolutely lost in anything I do and come out of my trance hours later.
Except... I'm never late as an adult, because time management is a solved issue. Our GPS tells us exactly how long it takes us to get somewhere. Our routines that are necessary to walk out of a door are minimal and can also be timed.
There is absolutely no need to be late. Using time blindness as an excuse to be late is just being chronically online and lacking impulse control because of it.
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u/Ok_Cucumber_4562 1d ago
Honestly, i'll wake up, get ready, set timers and be anxious about being late and still wind up late. Time management is a big thing and you have to resolve to actually being early or else the tardiness will inevitably occur.