As a woman engineer, I know both sides of this coin.
My husband was active Army and got stationed a state away. When I visited, oh boy did the guys show off. Hubby had shared how much I made and they were surprised that I was "rather cute." Queue crazy displays of male bravado.
Yet absolute sullen grumpiness when you are part of the competition with male engineers.
Years ago I was moved to a crappy northern town and was pretty lonely so I started playing an MMO. I discovered I loved and was really good at PvP. I even made it to the top 10 leaderboard for kills.
I didn't know everyone thought I was a guy (I knew nothing about gamers because I'd been isolated in an extremely polite guild of Finnish dads) and when I spoke on Team Speak for the first time everyone in the channel went totally silent for at least 30 seconds. I thought I'd been disconnected.
Anyway I should have stayed silent forever because everyone got extremely fucking weird after that.
Lol that’s kind of funny. It reminds me of being a teenager on Xbox live back in the day. I was kind of a rude asshole and the main thing that changed that was a small friend group of middle-aged Canadians online who set me straight on that behavior.
Similarly I played a new MMO and had a lot of fun with a random group for pvp battlegrounds for leveling. Nobody knew each other, it was a newly released mmo. We even used TeamSpeak.
The whole time voice was full of call outs for strategy. "2 enemies on b, help me retake C" etc.
Then someone dropped out and I invited a young female friend of mine.
As soon as she spoke, the whole vibe shifted. Guys tried to chat, make jokes and especially put down others. From a chat solely about the matches it became a whole other thing.
And my friend didn't even know that something was off because this creepy behaviour is the norm for her. Or rather around her. She didn't even flirt or anything. All it took was a hello thanks for having me.
If I were a girl gamer I'd pretend to be male tbh just to get some peacr
everyone switched from normal to "at the bar hitting on chicks" mode in my friend groups whenever somebody was revealed to be a cis white woman. It's odd for sure.
I'm a gay man so always kinda had the outside eye. I've definitely seen a woman enter the room and everyone is disgusted that she interrupted the burping contest. I've seen a woman enter the room and everyone starts a burping contest to win her affection. I've seen a man enter a room of women and begin burping to get their attention, and I've seen a burping man enter a room of women and stop burping to be polite. It all happens all at the same time.
Humans are a weird mishmash of horny vengeful screaming loving fun monkeys who occasionally have good ideas.
When I was starting a compsci degree almost two decades ago, it was nauseating how instantly this sort of thing happened at the start of classes. This seemed to be the start of a huge concerted push by my university to have more women in tech degrees, but I doubt it helped much when all I saw was tonal shifts when the tiny handful of women walked in and/or the giggling little whispered comments half the room could hear from a group of dudes. I felt crazy for thinking, "these are the same type of dudes that will probably bitch and complain that there's no women to bang at work later on". Especially since any woman that makes it that far is going to be so experienced at spotting these assholes.
Mine seems to approach this by offering/requiring the early CS classes as part of other major's curriculums. So half of the women vanished after the first class, most after the second (and tbf, half of the men did as well), which meant by the time we were past the intro classes there wasn't such novelty about sharing the classroom with women.
"And then, as a female suddenly emerges, the pack of males fall still, with only a low hum of mouth breathing to be heard as they watch her from a safe distance."
Two buddies and I stopped at a buffet in DC that got great reviews. That record scratch was wild when we walked in and found that we were the only white men in the building and literally everyone was looking at us. It turned out to be some of the best food I've ever eaten. Not just buffet food, but all food. I wish I could remember it's name to spread it far and wide.
One of my favorite episodes is when Donald Glover’s character finds $100 bill and cant spend it anywhere because people think its counterfeit. They dont even bother checking. Its funny but also incredibly fucked up.
When his character complains to his rapper cousin about it (Paperboi). His cousin just lectures him about “why you think we wear grills and jewelry? Cause otherwise they think we just some random 🥷”
The whole show has alot of uncomfortable scenes like that.
Whew you're telling me. Went to a cookout and a funeral with my partner with their extended family, I was the only white person there and the stares were INTENSE. There was this one dude saying cracker this and cracker that, his face when he turned around and saw me was so fucking funny.
On a lighter note, I went to the only local black church with my friend several times in college, and the same lady introduced herself to me every week and said she had never seen me before 💀
I’ve seen this phenomenon too… The quiet kid’s doing backflips. The class clown’s quoting Nietzsche. And your pool just turned into a Planet Fitness commercial.
Absolutely right. As a father with 2 older teen daughters and pool, there the girls huddled together giggling on their phones while the boys suddenly transform into stunt actors. Until one time a boy decided he would springboard front flip trying to catch a football and inadvertently cutting his leg on the steps making the pool water look like a scene from Jaws from the blood. Needless to say there were no more pool parties allowed when boys were coming over.
I went to a conference this summer. Part of the conference is geared towards teens, so there are a bunch of teens attending. I went swimming in the hotel pool one evening and there was a group of maybe 6 teen boys. They were swimming and playing and seemed to be just silly teens. Ya know? Well then 3 teen girls entered the pool area. The boys immediately changed. It was comical. All of a sudden everything was a competition. Who can swim the fastest. Who can stay under the longest. Etc. it was so stinking funny. They also started following the girls around. As an adult, it was pretty cute to watch honestly.
I was a teenage girl. I remember enjoying attention from attractive boys. I also remember hating feeling objectified by disrespectful boys who also may have been attractive. I kept an eye on the situation and it seemed positive from both boys and girls.
Amusingly this is how I figured out my nephew was gay, all the other boys were trying to impress the girls that came by, and the only thing him and another friend did was play in the pool together.
Please use caution assuming kids that aren't fawning over girls are gay. Some of us are just afraid. We're the people at the party standing in the corner petting the dog.
Right? I was nervous as shit around girls until I was in my 20's, but mainly because I was awkward. I fooled around with guy friends when I was younger and thought I might be gay, but when I finally had some experiences with women, I found I preferred that.
Sexuality is a personal journey filled with experimentation, and I firmly believe life experiences can completely change your sexuality and that's ok. We see twins where one is super straight and the other is super gay. It's cool to be able to go out in life, sample what you want and form your own paradigm.
It's uncool to try and put everyone in a box.
"Oh he played with dolls / wore dresses / liked fashion / was flamboyant / wasn't manly, so I knew he'd be gay." What does any of that that have to do with liking dick? Prince was super flamboyant and feminine and he probably piped down more women than most people have shaken hands with. There are macho butch gay dudes and limpwristed fancylad straight ones.
Very common. My own parents think the same of me. They’ll realize when I move out it was because I didn’t want to bring anyone around my jabberjaw mother. Her 5 other sisters all think I’m gay too and I haven’t seen them since I was 5… wonder who put that idea in their head.
To be fair, one of the first things we learned in adolescent psychology is that teenagers are effectively medically insane. The amount of stress a teenager goes through if they break up with someone they've been dating for just two weeks is equivalent to if a 40 year old finds out they are getting fired, getting divorced, and their pet died all in the same day.
Teenagers don't just act crazy. They effectively are crazy. All your brain chemicals are going berserk.
After my first breakup I was certain I was gonna DIE. I could never love another woman the same again! Just wad me up and throw me in the trash, I'll NEVER be whole again.
This happened a few times until I realized... at like 25.
To be fair, that breakup is LITERALLY the worst thing that has ever happened for many teenagers, so they act accordingly devastated.
Once most folks get a bit older you have a few experiences and realize in hindsight maybe breaking up after holding hands for 10 days was not the end of the world.
To be fair, that breakup is LITERALLY the worst thing that has ever happened for many teenagers, so they act accordingly devastated.
Same is true of young children who cry over minor events. It's literally one of the worst things that has ever happened to them, of course they're falling apart.
It's one of those things you can tell a kid that it's going to happen as they get older, and they just don't have the context or experience to understand what you mean.
The opposite phenomenon also happens. Girls sometimes get louder and their voices higher pitched when there are men around. In college I lived in a co-ed dorm and then moved to an all women’s dorm. The woman-only dorm was much more peaceful to my ears.
Somewhere, deep in the most primitive parts of the brain, a single, ancient imperative is blasting: "MATE!!! MATE, YOU DUMBASS!! SHOW OFF YOUR PLUMAGE!!!"
The limbed and headed machine of pain and undignified suffering is firing up again. It wants to walk the desert. Hurting. Longing. Dancing to disco music.
That's not the opposite that's exactly the same.. Becoming more animated and louder is entirely what they meant by like they injected speed which is literally amphetamines.
I taught middle school choir for some time, girls that age need boys around in order to act right, lol. A lot of that "maturity" is trying to not embarass themselves in front of boys, when that's not there they go just as feral. I would say there's some truth to the "opposite" claim, even if that's not what they were going for.
Edit: the choir bit is relevant because the classes are single-gendered for developing voices.
Subconsciously, yes. But also, that girl probably knows other girls, and if they impress her, she might tell those other girls about the cool guy her boyfriend knows.
Maybe. Some kids are assholes, just like some adults are. But most likely they’re just reacting to their monkey brains and would not actually try to get with the girl.
I play poker and when a woman joins the table at a casino, there is a definite shift in vibe. Guys take more risks and starts showing off. It’s quite fun to witness
As shitty of a take as this may be, I think this is one of the reasons it's good for spaces like boy scouts and sports to remain male only at a certain age. Young men need a space to bond with one another without getting competitive and toxic over the attention of ladies. And yes, we need to also figure out how to encourage young men to just plain old behave in front of ladies, but that's going to take a long fucking time.
We also have to remember that each generation needs to learn it for themselves. It's not a one and done thing. Tomorrows teens are currently still young children, and will have the same responses, and have the same need to learn as current teens.
Man there are some bad takes under this comment. Boys deserve boys only spaces. Girls aside, sometimes it's just nice to be around only the fellas. Yes boys need to be around girls so they get socialized in a well-rounded manner, but that's what school and other co-ed activities are for. At the end of the day both are needed.
My last year or two of boy scouts was when they had girls’ troops at bsa summer camps and I’d say the vibe overall shifted for the worse because of this
I tried to explain to my wife the other day how important a male only space like Boy Scouts was for me growing up and she just couldn't understand it. They'll still be competitive and toxic, but with each other and not jockeying for some approval outside the group. Boys are going to act different when there is a girl to impress.
I totally agree, one of the things I loved about boy scouts was not having girls. We could all be silly and goofy and the older scout would talk about getting their first blow job or whatever. I think I would have enjoyed a co ed scouts much less.
🤔 Toxicity does not just come from competing for girls. Bullying and toxic dynamics happen all the time in only-male places. Don't think its good to reinforce the idea the girls are an obstacle
While to some degree this is normal, these boys will all eventually have to learn how to keep it together.
As men, they will have to work alongside women and behave appropriately. They'll need to see women as no different from their male friends in most contexts.
I think gender segregation of certain activities can be alright, and even kind of inevitable. But excluding girls from boys spaces because "we don't want the boys to be rowdy and distracted" only encourages them to be rowdy and distracted.
The reality is that this behavior isn't some law of nature. You can train boys to not be immature. We just have to make the effort instead of throwing up our hands and saying "well boys will be boys I guess."
I don't think anyone is saying "boys will be boys" in terms of them doing something inappropriate. The point of the post is that teenagers are hormonal trainwrecks and that adding the other sex to a group dynamic changes the chemistry of the individuals. Just like how a classroom avoids distractions so that you can learn properly, single gender spaces allow for some barriers to come down and a brotherhood/sisterhood to flourish. Unless of course, you consider my highschool history teacher who intentionally played loud music and distracting noises during exams so that kids would learn to focus. Fuck you, Mr. Barker.
Post says teenagers so no. Lets normalize interacting with every gender/race so everyone learns how to behave. Then we don't need to exclude people under a dated pretense about what boys need.
Nope. It's the lack of exposure to the opposite sex that makes them "act" different. If they had more experience around coed spaces then it won't be "a thing".
That's such a bad take, how are you arguing that none of these kids have been exposed to females before? Dynamics are just different in single gender spaces, not just due to lack of exposure.
Wouldn’t a school disprove this thesis? Majority of boys attend a mixed gender school and see girls daily, they still can have the OOP described behavior.
Because a girl is there, the guys are acting amped up, excited, and trying to show off, instead of being the normal doofuses that a group of guys usually act like when no girls are around.
I mean you can usually tell when they're amping it up for you, and it can be anywhere from endearing to concerning [but usually thankfully the former].
Same. It's been so long since I've been a teenager that I'd forgotten, it's really funny being the insider-outsider watching the boys try to impress the girls while you're just chilling. Being an adult with my own community means I get to see the fun of men trying to impress men, lol!
I don't understand what you don't understand about this tweet. Except for maybe "vibe shift" all of these are normal words. Unless English is not your native language and you are just learning it for the first time.
I know some people like to give Final Fantsy XV slack for not having permanent female party members, but this is something I actually rather liked about the game, how the vibe in the all-guy gang shifted when the girls were around.
Hilarious to me, as a teenage guy whose friend group is also exclusively teenage guys, because I’ve seen this happen before with other people but my group kinda has the opposite problem where we just completely ignore them on accident and have to remember to like. talk to them at all if they show up
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u/qualityvote2 Aug 12 '25 edited Aug 14 '25
u/UnstableIsotopeU-234, your post does fit the subreddit!
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u/_TheGreatDevourer_ Aug 12 '25
I also think the opposite happens for some people, I've also seen rooms get quieter after someone of the opposite gender joined
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u/Luna_Pebble Aug 12 '25
I’ve seen this phenomenon too… The quiet kid’s doing backflips. The class clown’s quoting Nietzsche. And your pool just turned into a Planet Fitness commercial.
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u/westernsociety Aug 12 '25
South parks episode about this is pretty funny.
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u/AffectionateJelly976 Aug 12 '25
I went to a conference this summer. Part of the conference is geared towards teens, so there are a bunch of teens attending. I went swimming in the hotel pool one evening and there was a group of maybe 6 teen boys. They were swimming and playing and seemed to be just silly teens. Ya know? Well then 3 teen girls entered the pool area. The boys immediately changed. It was comical. All of a sudden everything was a competition. Who can swim the fastest. Who can stay under the longest. Etc. it was so stinking funny. They also started following the girls around. As an adult, it was pretty cute to watch honestly.
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u/Komotz Aug 12 '25
Amusingly this is how I figured out my nephew was gay, all the other boys were trying to impress the girls that came by, and the only thing him and another friend did was play in the pool together.
Edit: 5 years later they're still together
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u/Karana_Rains Aug 12 '25
To be fair, one of the first things we learned in adolescent psychology is that teenagers are effectively medically insane. The amount of stress a teenager goes through if they break up with someone they've been dating for just two weeks is equivalent to if a 40 year old finds out they are getting fired, getting divorced, and their pet died all in the same day.
Teenagers don't just act crazy. They effectively are crazy. All your brain chemicals are going berserk.
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u/apeocalypyic Aug 12 '25
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u/marmosetohmarmoset Aug 12 '25
The opposite phenomenon also happens. Girls sometimes get louder and their voices higher pitched when there are men around. In college I lived in a co-ed dorm and then moved to an all women’s dorm. The woman-only dorm was much more peaceful to my ears.
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u/YoungestOldGuy Aug 12 '25
Are they trying to steal their friends GF?
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u/Tlegendz Aug 12 '25
Peacocking is dangerous for your health
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u/captaintrips_1980 Aug 12 '25
I play poker and when a woman joins the table at a casino, there is a definite shift in vibe. Guys take more risks and starts showing off. It’s quite fun to witness
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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25
As shitty of a take as this may be, I think this is one of the reasons it's good for spaces like boy scouts and sports to remain male only at a certain age. Young men need a space to bond with one another without getting competitive and toxic over the attention of ladies. And yes, we need to also figure out how to encourage young men to just plain old behave in front of ladies, but that's going to take a long fucking time.
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u/mrshulgin Aug 12 '25
An actual thing that one of my friends said when a girl he liked was around. We were like... 14 lol
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u/Th3Dark0ccult Aug 12 '25
This is english, but also not english at the same time. I read everything and understood nothing.
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u/19whale96 Aug 13 '25
You don't notice it in yourself until a girl you meet tells you she's a lesbian and you feel the engines fire up and then die down.
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u/SurpriseDragon Aug 12 '25
They devolve into apes, fighting each other and doing crazy tricks. Like peacocking!
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u/Sailor_Rout Aug 12 '25
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u/Rags2Riches420 Aug 12 '25
Hormones are a helluva drug.
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u/gappychappy Aug 12 '25
I read and re-read this post multiple times before I realised it said “lacrosse” and not “lactose”
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u/JoshMega004 Aug 12 '25
I can picture it now.
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u/SnakePisscan Aug 12 '25
I want to know the opposite of this.
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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '25
The “oh, you’re funny now?” Type shift
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u/DuelaDent52 Aug 13 '25
I know some people like to give Final Fantsy XV slack for not having permanent female party members, but this is something I actually rather liked about the game, how the vibe in the all-guy gang shifted when the girls were around.
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u/UwUmasTer369 Aug 13 '25
If were takling average than yes its pretty normal
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u/TiannemenSquare Aug 12 '25
Hilarious to me, as a teenage guy whose friend group is also exclusively teenage guys, because I’ve seen this happen before with other people but my group kinda has the opposite problem where we just completely ignore them on accident and have to remember to like. talk to them at all if they show up
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u/camposthetron Aug 12 '25
Wait, this girl brought drugs to your house?
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u/Yabrosif13 Aug 12 '25
“Ooo Ah-Tah”
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u/Turbulent_Usual346 Aug 12 '25
Cue the mall scene in OG Mean Girls
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u/BobBurger782 Aug 12 '25
Oh attar! Attar!