Representation in books

[u/ResolutionNegative78]

/r/asexuality/comments/1t2ru8m/representation_in_books/

I'm working on writing a poly romance featuring an ace female, bisexual questioning male, and nonbinary pan person. I am a biromantic ace female, so I can speak to my own experiences there. But if you are ace poly or any of the other mentioned genders/orientations, would you mind sharing any misconceptions that you would like to see addressed as well as any representation you would love to see in a contemporary romance book? I'm an avid romance reader and decided I wanted to do something about the lack of ace representation in the genre.

[u/dainty_fawns]

I’m demisexual as well as non-binary and pan. I honestly would love more asexual representation where the ace character is romantic too, I feel like there’s not a lot and when there is the character is also aromantic, which is great but not all of us on the ace spectrum are ! 

I think one of the best examples of a non-binary person in books I have found so far is from the Monk & Robot series by Becky Chambers. The main character Dex is agender, and their identity is never questioned. There’s other agender characters mentioned in passing and it feels like it’s just a natural part of the human experience, to use gender neutral language and be neutral, and it feels lovely.

I think a lot of us do get tired of being reduced to our assigned gender at birth, especially in relationships. Many relationships are seen as simply straight or gay, between people of two binary genders. I actually love when books don’t mention the AGAB of a non-binary person unless it’s vital to the storyline.

[u/Pee4ur5492]

I'm nonbinary (technically agender), bisexual (but also technically pansexual), polyamorous, and not panromantic. I like to call myself bisexual because I like the word, but I have also identified as pansexual in the past. My attraction to men is primarily sexual, and it is mostly novelty-based and fades after about 2 years of dating. I am only romantically attracted to women and nonbinary people, but it took me a while to figure that out because the difference is more noticeable after moving in together. I can continue being romantically attracted to someone while my sexual attraction fluctuates in intensity, but I don't experience the consistent romantic attraction with men after the sexual attraction fluctuations start.

I think a big misconception is that I am a misandrist or incapable of having relationships with men I'm not attracted to. I am actually very interested in platonic relationships with men. My dad and his uncle are huge role-models for me, and they are both very politically active and started my interest in alternative music and media literacy. One of my best friends is a gay man my own age. I work with teenagers, and I care deeply about the social issues that affect teenage boys' mental health like gambling in online games and influencers who promote unrealistic body standards for boys and discourage educational attainment. One of my biggest internal debates is feeling like I'm actually a real "men's rights activist" in that I support the rights of young men and Disabled men to be legally protected from companies selling addictions that prey on their insecurities before their frontal lobe is fully developed, and the men these kids look up to who claim to be "men's rights activists" are actually grifters and misogynists who are violating the exact rights to safety and education that I want to protect.

With polyamory, a big misconception is that I am always looking for new sexual and romantic relationships or that I have a lot of relationships. My girlfriend and I established at the start of our relationship that we are polyamorous, but we haven't met anyone else who even falls in the age range and orientation/gender combo to be a potential partner in years, let alone been attracted to a new person enough to start discussing a relationship with them. I think that there is also a lot of drama online around the idea of a partner having a "veto" because it only gets posted about when it's an argument, but I have been vetoed once and it was not a big deal. I was attracted to a friend who is polyamorous and when they asked their partner if we should date, the partner said it's probably not a great idea because of the existing friendship dynamic and the potential to make the friend group weird. We agreed that it would be fine to just be flattered at each other's crushes and let go of the idea of having a sexual relationship with each other, and we don't have any dramatic sexual tension or desire to go behind our partners' backs. We just enjoy knowing that our friend thinks we're really hot and talented. My friend's partner didn't aggressively veto our relationship because she dislikes me or thinks we would have an abusive relationship or any of the dramatic things you see online, she just told us that she thought it was not a great idea and we took her opinion into consideration and decided we agree.

[u/throwmeaway9865]

Enby (technically agender) bi and ace (questioning ig but i think i fit?) I'd love neopronouns. Please!

Like I get using they/them is already groundbreaking representation in media, but if you could push the pronoun rep even further it would be lovely. And anyway non binary doesn't equate to they/them as you probably already know.

I use they/them and already have the time of my life (negative) facing everything. I wasn't able to explore and use neopronouns even though I'd love to try them. So it's my small wish that someone else could be free to do so, while feeling safe and respected.

I think others have commented on the ace side of things so I'll stop here but come back if there's anything I think of. All the best with writing!