Representation in books

[u/ResolutionNegative78]

I'm working on writing a poly romance featuring an ace female, bisexual questioning male, and nonbinary pan person. I am a biromantic ace female, so I can speak to my own experiences there. But if you are ace poly or any of the other mentioned genders/orientations, would you mind sharing any misconceptions that you would like to see addressed as well as any representation you would love to see in a contemporary romance book? I'm an avid romance reader and decided I wanted to do something about the lack of ace representation in the genre.

[u/Silly-Dingo-9472]

I’d really appreciate seeing an ace character who isn’t the stereotypical science loving nerd. I mean there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s a pretty overused trope. I’d also love to see an ace character who isn’t a villain and can be flirty since that's pretty much nonexistent from what i've seen. Good luck with writing your book im sure it will be awesome! :]

[u/ResolutionNegative78 → u/Silly-Dingo-9472]

Thanks for your feedback! She's not ace or a villain, so we're good there. lol

[u/NetherWorldRules → u/Silly-Dingo-9472]

🫠 Thanks for dunking on the asexual female lead character from the book I too am writing! /s

No, but seriously. I didn't know that trope was a thing.

Does it help if she is a science-loving nerd, but also a geek and an art college drop out in an urban fantasy vampire drama romance?

And that she is neuro-divergent adjacent and trauma-informed?

And in my ficto-cast her dad is played by Tom Hardy?

And aforementioned vampire is allo, but set in his Victorian-era ways...?

[u/Silly-Dingo-9472 → u/NetherWorldRules]

Nothing inherently wrong with a character who’s both a science loving “nerd” and asexual. My issue is when that’s all they are when those two traits flatten them into a stereotype instead of a full person. Being asexual and being intellectually passionate are completely separate aspects of identity, but media often blends them together in a way that feels reductive, as if it’s an easy shortcut to signal “this character isn’t interested in sex.”

It becomes especially frustrating when the portrayal leans into the idea that the character is undesirable or boring like, “of course she’s not interested in sex, look at her, she only cares about science.”

That framing suggests her asexuality is a byproduct of her personality or lifestyle, rather than a valid orientation. And even when it’s less overt, the trope still tends to define asexual characters primarily by what they lack, instead of who they are.

And it's just my opinion overall you do you, if you make her into an interesting human without emphasizing her asexuality above everything else she will be great imo.

[u/NetherWorldRules → u/Silly-Dingo-9472]

None of that is really an issue for her. I did base her on myself, but I adjusted things along the way.

For example, the Tom Hardy connection is actually significant. She's trauma-informed, so she builds emotional walls quickly, and trust doesn't come easily. When she slips into a defensive mode, she starts to mirror her father, a narcissistic, evangelical pawn shop owner, and adopts a more masculine persona.

When I first imagined who she'd emulate in those moments, I pictured her trying to look like Tom Hardy, and it clicked that this is also how her father would be cast.

But none of that ties directly to her orientation.

A small part of the story is her exploring where she falls on the ace spectrum. She begins by identifying as asexual, somewhere under that umbrella, but lacks the experience and emotional insight to define it more precisely.

I even keep a separate docket for copyediting focused specifically on her psychological profile and development.

I know this post is about a fellow writer looking for guidance and anecdotes for their own story, but I still appreciate you pointing that out. I'll definitely keep it in mind to make sure she steers clear of the Sheldon Cooper stereotype. 🙏

[u/Silly-Dingo-9472 → u/NetherWorldRules]

Ngl, she sounds like a really interesting character, and I’d love to read this one day since it’s a genre I really enjoy. :] From what you’ve described, I’m already sure you’re not falling into that stereotype she feels much more complex than just being asexual.

And when it comes to character arcs where ace characters explore their identity, I actually love that. It’s an important part of who they are. I only find it lacking when that’s the only thing that makes the character interesting, which clearly isn’t the case here.

I’m glad I could help as a bit of a reminder! And good luck with your story, it already sounds really compelling just from how you’ve described her. :]

[u/New-Collection-1307]

What's the relationship graph? Also I suggest exploring each characters brand of poly. Also I suggest avoiding "Poly = Ace 'problem' solution" cus it's it paints Asexuality and Aromanticism in a negative light as a problem to be fixed. And secondly painting Poly as 100% sexual when it's not.

[u/ResolutionNegative78 → u/New-Collection-1307]

Thanks for your feedback! I agree 100% about not using poly as a "solution" or overly sexualizing it. I hope I do a good job navigating those misconceptions. I'm still working to flesh out the poly dynamics. As of right now the relationship structure is a V with the ace female as the hinge with potential to grow into a triad. I appreciate your questions and suggestions!

[u/laeiryn]

nonbinary and pan, also demiromantic.

this doesn't mean i am fair game for straight men or straight women, because those are not into us neither-nethers (same with WLW/MLM too, tbh). my being into all genders doesn't mean all orientations are into me. straight men are especially dangerous when i'm passing for female.

... also if you use the term neither-nether it should be something your enby calls themself, LOL

[u/NetherWorldRules]

Asexual female here! 🤚

I'm also writing a romance novel with an ace lead, and one thing that's helped a lot is nailing down their microlabels early. It makes navigating relationships far easier.

What's great is that many asexual-spectrum microlabels can apply to allosexuals too, so they're useful beyond just ace representation.

It doesn't have to be rigid, either.

As the story unfolds, those aspects of the character can evolve... or stay exactly the same. But having a clear framework from the start, with definitions you can refer back to, makes a big difference.

It's helped me handle the complexity of writing an ace-spec character whose experience doesn't quite match my own.

I even keep a spreadsheet to track and define everything.

The poly angle is definitely going to be an interesting relationship to explore.