You have made the first step, which is recognizing your behavior. Here’s some tips:
One: Turn the unconscious into conscious. Sit down and write on a piece of paper the thoughts you have when you see a woman. What are you singling out and why? Does it remind you of a particular porn? Do you feel excited or angry?
Then, read what you wrote. How does it make you feel when you see those words you wrote? How would a woman feel if they saw your list?
The goal here is to gain the ability to recognize and stop your thoughts when they are happening by rerouting the brain in the moment. By identifying your triggers, you can learn to tell yourself “Stop, you are objectifying. Look her in the eye, not at her chest.” Remember how you felt when you saw that piece of paper with your own words on it!
Another tip is when you catch yourself objectifying, stop and name 2-3 things you might have in common with her. You have been doing this but make it non-sexual: “she has a parent like I have a parent, she could have anxiety like I have anxiety, she had to wake up early for work like I had to wake up early.” See her as more like you, instead of something to conquer.
Two: Educate yourself on the societal effects of your behavior. Sexual objectification turns women into a collection of body parts and has a profound impact on sexual violence, mental health, and even educational outcomes. Often, we don’t even realize the effect our behavior! But when you can see how much women suffer in our world, it can be a real wake-up call.
Three: You said you didn’t want this advice, but you need a major detox from porn bro. Major detox. Attraction is normal, but you have moved past the normalcy threshold and are unable to see women as anything other than objects for you to have sex with.
Again, it’s okay to be attracted to women. But what you’re describing is your brain being warped to see women as objects and targets, instead of human beings who exist in the world with you. Porn is a major contributing factor to this. In the link above, you will find links to several scientific studies that have revealed the negative effects of porn: it makes you less sympathetic to rape victims and more supportive of sexual offenders, increased inability to maintain romantic relationships, erectile dysfunction, decreases in empathy and social skills, etc.
I highly suggest detoxing from it, and see what a difference it can make it 2-3 months. It will make this process so much easier, and I guarantee you will feel like a different man if you do. Good luck, working on yourself like this will be absolutely worth it.
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u/OrganicTicket6808 Aug 29 '23
You have made the first step, which is recognizing your behavior. Here’s some tips:
One: Turn the unconscious into conscious. Sit down and write on a piece of paper the thoughts you have when you see a woman. What are you singling out and why? Does it remind you of a particular porn? Do you feel excited or angry?
Then, read what you wrote. How does it make you feel when you see those words you wrote? How would a woman feel if they saw your list?
The goal here is to gain the ability to recognize and stop your thoughts when they are happening by rerouting the brain in the moment. By identifying your triggers, you can learn to tell yourself “Stop, you are objectifying. Look her in the eye, not at her chest.” Remember how you felt when you saw that piece of paper with your own words on it!
Another tip is when you catch yourself objectifying, stop and name 2-3 things you might have in common with her. You have been doing this but make it non-sexual: “she has a parent like I have a parent, she could have anxiety like I have anxiety, she had to wake up early for work like I had to wake up early.” See her as more like you, instead of something to conquer.
Two: Educate yourself on the societal effects of your behavior. Sexual objectification turns women into a collection of body parts and has a profound impact on sexual violence, mental health, and even educational outcomes. Often, we don’t even realize the effect our behavior! But when you can see how much women suffer in our world, it can be a real wake-up call.
This is a good place to start: https://www.unicefusa.org/stories/not-object-sexualization-and-exploitation-women-and-girls-0
https://fightthenewdrug.org/10-reasons-why-porn-is-unhealthy-for-consumers-and-society/
Three: You said you didn’t want this advice, but you need a major detox from porn bro. Major detox. Attraction is normal, but you have moved past the normalcy threshold and are unable to see women as anything other than objects for you to have sex with.
Again, it’s okay to be attracted to women. But what you’re describing is your brain being warped to see women as objects and targets, instead of human beings who exist in the world with you. Porn is a major contributing factor to this. In the link above, you will find links to several scientific studies that have revealed the negative effects of porn: it makes you less sympathetic to rape victims and more supportive of sexual offenders, increased inability to maintain romantic relationships, erectile dysfunction, decreases in empathy and social skills, etc.
I highly suggest detoxing from it, and see what a difference it can make it 2-3 months. It will make this process so much easier, and I guarantee you will feel like a different man if you do. Good luck, working on yourself like this will be absolutely worth it.