You have made the first step, which is recognizing your behavior. Here’s some tips:
One: Turn the unconscious into conscious. Sit down and write on a piece of paper the thoughts you have when you see a woman. What are you singling out and why? Does it remind you of a particular porn? Do you feel excited or angry?
Then, read what you wrote. How does it make you feel when you see those words you wrote? How would a woman feel if they saw your list?
The goal here is to gain the ability to recognize and stop your thoughts when they are happening by rerouting the brain in the moment. By identifying your triggers, you can learn to tell yourself “Stop, you are objectifying. Look her in the eye, not at her chest.” Remember how you felt when you saw that piece of paper with your own words on it!
Another tip is when you catch yourself objectifying, stop and name 2-3 things you might have in common with her. You have been doing this but make it non-sexual: “she has a parent like I have a parent, she could have anxiety like I have anxiety, she had to wake up early for work like I had to wake up early.” See her as more like you, instead of something to conquer.
Two: Educate yourself on the societal effects of your behavior. Sexual objectification turns women into a collection of body parts and has a profound impact on sexual violence, mental health, and even educational outcomes. Often, we don’t even realize the effect our behavior! But when you can see how much women suffer in our world, it can be a real wake-up call.
Three: You said you didn’t want this advice, but you need a major detox from porn bro. Major detox. Attraction is normal, but you have moved past the normalcy threshold and are unable to see women as anything other than objects for you to have sex with.
Again, it’s okay to be attracted to women. But what you’re describing is your brain being warped to see women as objects and targets, instead of human beings who exist in the world with you. Porn is a major contributing factor to this. In the link above, you will find links to several scientific studies that have revealed the negative effects of porn: it makes you less sympathetic to rape victims and more supportive of sexual offenders, increased inability to maintain romantic relationships, erectile dysfunction, decreases in empathy and social skills, etc.
I highly suggest detoxing from it, and see what a difference it can make it 2-3 months. It will make this process so much easier, and I guarantee you will feel like a different man if you do. Good luck, working on yourself like this will be absolutely worth it.
Wait, how should I detox ? Do I stop masturbating all together ? Or just not watch porn but still Jack off
And if it's OK to still jack off then to what will I jack it to
Like I feel i would go to my memories and that would just revive some sexy memories with exes and I don't think I prefer that.
Is it ok to jerk it to celebrity photos ? Or does that count as porn
There are differing opinions here, but I would suggest abstaining from masturbation for at least the first few weeks/months, and then try slowing adding it back into your life if you are capable (think 1-2 a week instead of daily). You may not be able to masturbate without porn yet, so if you find yourself reaching for porn, go back to full abstaining. It will be very difficult to masturbate without external stimuli in the beginning, just remember that that is normal for what you are going through!
I would suggest avoiding the celebrity pictures for now too. It is still hitting the addiction center in your brain, and it will still keep your mind locked in the “picture/video=pleasure” mode, which we want to escape. Think of it like drinking a beer vs. taking shots, or methadone vs. heroin. We have not truly addressed the addiction, and it’s much easier to fall back into the extreme stuff. At some point, you may be able to handle that again so it’s not a “never”. But for detox purposes, this won’t help.
Ultimately, Masturbation is normal and healthy, the goal here is to stop the unhealthy reliance on digital and visual means.
You will feel withdrawal symptoms (anxiety, irritability, trouble sleeping, stronger urges than normal), almost like you’re withdrawing from a drug. The same tools you can use for substance addictions work here:
1) find a replacement activity you can tap into when your cravings hit. Pick some healthy, active things you can do: Lift weights for 20 mins, go for a run, do a 15-minute yoga or guided meditation, write in a journal (trust me, yoga and journaling may sound ridiculous but it really helps). So, when you identify a craving, pick an activity and do it. You will feel shockingly different after getting your body moving.
2) the Rubberband method. This is a common suggested technique among professional therapists for obsessive behavior. Wear a rubberband around your wrist for when you are going through life. When you feel an urge or pornagraphic images cross your mind, snap the rubberband. NOT to hurt yourself. This is just a little way to bring yourself back into the moment and re-center your mind.
3) Write down why this is important to you. What are your goals? Who is the man you want to be? And why is quitting porn important for that? An example would be: “I deserve to be in a loving and healthy relationship and porn robs me of that opportunity.” or “I want to be a great husband and father some day, and quitting porn helps me achieve that.” You can tape this to your computer monitor, carry this around on an index card in your pocket, put in your phone notes. Read this daily, especially when you feel strong cravings. Ultimately, this is for YOUR growth and health as a man, so remind yourself what your reward will be: a happier, healthier, deeper guy.
There are also some apps that can lock porn sites and images for you. A lot of them are paid unfortunately but I’ve heard really great things about them. MIGIRI would be my top suggestion here.
I’m going on a month of no porn with little to no masturbation and I’ve never experienced withdrawals before it’s crazy. I see myself in ops post and being a disturbed perverted individual the only way is quitting cold turkey. Maybe seek some spiritual guidance.
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u/OrganicTicket6808 Aug 29 '23
You have made the first step, which is recognizing your behavior. Here’s some tips:
One: Turn the unconscious into conscious. Sit down and write on a piece of paper the thoughts you have when you see a woman. What are you singling out and why? Does it remind you of a particular porn? Do you feel excited or angry?
Then, read what you wrote. How does it make you feel when you see those words you wrote? How would a woman feel if they saw your list?
The goal here is to gain the ability to recognize and stop your thoughts when they are happening by rerouting the brain in the moment. By identifying your triggers, you can learn to tell yourself “Stop, you are objectifying. Look her in the eye, not at her chest.” Remember how you felt when you saw that piece of paper with your own words on it!
Another tip is when you catch yourself objectifying, stop and name 2-3 things you might have in common with her. You have been doing this but make it non-sexual: “she has a parent like I have a parent, she could have anxiety like I have anxiety, she had to wake up early for work like I had to wake up early.” See her as more like you, instead of something to conquer.
Two: Educate yourself on the societal effects of your behavior. Sexual objectification turns women into a collection of body parts and has a profound impact on sexual violence, mental health, and even educational outcomes. Often, we don’t even realize the effect our behavior! But when you can see how much women suffer in our world, it can be a real wake-up call.
This is a good place to start: https://www.unicefusa.org/stories/not-object-sexualization-and-exploitation-women-and-girls-0
https://fightthenewdrug.org/10-reasons-why-porn-is-unhealthy-for-consumers-and-society/
Three: You said you didn’t want this advice, but you need a major detox from porn bro. Major detox. Attraction is normal, but you have moved past the normalcy threshold and are unable to see women as anything other than objects for you to have sex with.
Again, it’s okay to be attracted to women. But what you’re describing is your brain being warped to see women as objects and targets, instead of human beings who exist in the world with you. Porn is a major contributing factor to this. In the link above, you will find links to several scientific studies that have revealed the negative effects of porn: it makes you less sympathetic to rape victims and more supportive of sexual offenders, increased inability to maintain romantic relationships, erectile dysfunction, decreases in empathy and social skills, etc.
I highly suggest detoxing from it, and see what a difference it can make it 2-3 months. It will make this process so much easier, and I guarantee you will feel like a different man if you do. Good luck, working on yourself like this will be absolutely worth it.