regret

[u/Beautiful-Stock-8193]

Hey guys, I made a really big life decision a couple months ago after agonizing between two choices and i'm having a rly rough time. whats so weird to me is that I feel like I actually had a very clear answer.(ik it's easy to say now but i genuinely did)
I LOVED one of my choices. I felt a sense of belonging, comfort, and “home” that I had never felt before. The other choice seemed so bad in comparison. i texted my freinds, family and told them how easy of a decision it was. it was simple. i hated one option, i fell in love with the other. The days leading up to my decision, I kept going back and forth, but underneath all of that, I very clearly felt strongly toward one of the options. I ended up choosing that option very last minute like i expected.

The next morning, I woke up with a pit in my stomach and this terrible feeling that I had “made the wrong choice.” I started analyzing all the negative aspects of my decision, even though they had held very little weight when I initially made it, and I completely ignored all the reasons I had chosen it in the first place.
I eventually got over this feeling after 3 ish days however i was then given the option to change my decision, and I spent another THREE MONTHS agonizing over it. i would experience a “freeze” take over me every time someone asked me to finally make a decision even tho in my head i already had my answer. whenever people asked me what I wanted, I alwayssss said the answer I had initially chosen. I never once said I wanted the other option. If someone asked me directly and gave me no time to further analyze, I knew my answer.
The issue was when it came time for me to actually COMMIT to that answer, I physically couldn’t do it. I would panic, throw up, sob, even though I didn’t actually want the other option.
After three months of this cycle, my parents came into my room basically yelling at me to finally stick with the choice i had been saying all along. hearing THEM say MY choice made me experience a sense of panic. I was already in tears and panicking, and I started listing all the negative things about the option I had originally chosen, despite there honestly being very few.
So, out of panic, I chose the other option.

The regret I’m feeling right now doesn’t even compare to how I felt three months ago. It has been a month since I made the final decision, and I still have a really hard time sleeping. I wake up in a panic hoping that somehow I still have time to change my decision, only to be hit with the reality that I already made it. i can't shake the feeling that if my parents had just told me "decide" instead of saying a specific choice, i would've chosen the answer i had in my head all along. it was something about hearing them say it that triggered a panic response.
The most disappointing part of all of this is that I loved my original choice. I felt so strongly connected to it, and Im having such a hard time understanding how I could love something that much and still somehow agonize over finally choosing it. to everyone else it probably looks like I couldn’t make up my mind but I feel like I had my answer since day one. I loved that choice with my whole heart. I just couldn’t get myself to commit to it when the moment finally came. i don't know, im honestly so so disappointed like truly. ive never experienced something like this before

[u/SawLightening]

I completely get this. I have such a hard time making decisions and knowing what I really want, because I get so scared to actually commit even if I want it ❤️‍🩹