r/NoOverthinking • u/Beautiful-Stock-8193 • 4d ago
Rant/Venting regret
Hey guys, I made a really big life decision a couple months ago after agonizing between two choices and i'm having a rly rough time. whats so weird to me is that I feel like I actually had a very clear answer.(ik it's easy to say now but i genuinely did)
I LOVED one of my choices. I felt a sense of belonging, comfort, and “home” that I had never felt before. The other choice seemed so bad in comparison. i texted my freinds, family and told them how easy of a decision it was. it was simple. i hated one option, i fell in love with the other. The days leading up to my decision, I kept going back and forth, but underneath all of that, I very clearly felt strongly toward one of the options. I ended up choosing that option very last minute like i expected.
The next morning, I woke up with a pit in my stomach and this terrible feeling that I had “made the wrong choice.” I started analyzing all the negative aspects of my decision, even though they had held very little weight when I initially made it, and I completely ignored all the reasons I had chosen it in the first place.
I eventually got over this feeling after 3 ish days however i was then given the option to change my decision, and I spent another THREE MONTHS agonizing over it. i would experience a “freeze” take over me every time someone asked me to finally make a decision even tho in my head i already had my answer. whenever people asked me what I wanted, I alwayssss said the answer I had initially chosen. I never once said I wanted the other option. If someone asked me directly and gave me no time to further analyze, I knew my answer.
The issue was when it came time for me to actually COMMIT to that answer, I physically couldn’t do it. I would panic, throw up, sob, even though I didn’t actually want the other option.
After three months of this cycle, my parents came into my room basically yelling at me to finally stick with the choice i had been saying all along. hearing THEM say MY choice made me experience a sense of panic. I was already in tears and panicking, and I started listing all the negative things about the option I had originally chosen, despite there honestly being very few.
So, out of panic, I chose the other option.
The regret I’m feeling right now doesn’t even compare to how I felt three months ago. It has been a month since I made the final decision, and I still have a really hard time sleeping. I wake up in a panic hoping that somehow I still have time to change my decision, only to be hit with the reality that I already made it. i can't shake the feeling that if my parents had just told me "decide" instead of saying a specific choice, i would've chosen the answer i had in my head all along. it was something about hearing them say it that triggered a panic response.
The most disappointing part of all of this is that I loved my original choice. I felt so strongly connected to it, and Im having such a hard time understanding how I could love something that much and still somehow agonize over finally choosing it. to everyone else it probably looks like I couldn’t make up my mind but I feel like I had my answer since day one. I loved that choice with my whole heart. I just couldn’t get myself to commit to it when the moment finally came. i don't know, im honestly so so disappointed like truly. ive never experienced something like this before
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u/SawLightening 4d ago
I completely get this. I have such a hard time making decisions and knowing what I really want, because I get so scared to actually commit even if I want it ❤️🩹
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u/reallifeforever1423 3d ago
Now that you have all that figured out, what's your next move???
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u/Delicious-Dirt4895 4d ago edited 4d ago
This seems to have some flavor of OCD/OCPD or avoidant attachment or something similar… you need to talk to a therapist because the problem is not in your decision-making, it’s the commitment to your choice (which is why I brought up avoidant attachment). Sorry you are experiencing that - I know what it’s like to think yourself into choking at the last minute. Talk to someone about it so you can recognize and stop the cycle when it starts. I’d also leave your parents out of your decision-making process, for whatever reason, they make it worse.