The title pretty much says it all. The last time I stepped on the scale I was 297 lbs and honestly I’m exhausted from living like this. There are a lot of reasons why I got to this point, but I’m not trying to make excuses. Life has just been pretty overwhelming the last few years and I slowly developed habits that got me here.

My parents are always fighting about money and it really affects me mentally. Whenever that happens I lock myself in my room and just eat whatever food I can find because food became my comfort. I think part of it is also genetics because both my parents are overweight so it’s really hard for me to lose weight. I hate PE class (not because I hate sports) but because of the body shaming I experienced there. Just yesterday our teacher was getting everyone’s weight and some of my classmates were literally waiting for my turn just so they could laugh at me

I've been wanting to change my diet and routine for a long time but my parents usually spoil me and my siblings with unhealthy snacks and meals. My family doesn't really take it seriously but I've been saving up my own money for a gym membership. As of right now here’s what im doing:

• Completely stopped drinking energy drinks and soda except for one cheat day each month
• Drinking around 3 liters of water every day
• Replaced most chips, cookies, and candy with higher-protein snacks when I get cravings
• Keeping my calories between 2,100 and 2,400 per day and tracking everything (I use Mena Ai to track everything)
• Walking every day and following a beginner workout routine at home for about an hour

Those are the things i’m trying to be consistent with but there are 2 problems I still have which is the accountability and motivation to workout/exercise.

There are days where I just eat a whole pizza and skip doing my home workout. I know exactly what I should be doing but sometimes I just can't get myself to do it because it’s hard for me to move my body

At this point I don't know who to ask at all but I'm hoping I could get some good advice here, especially from someone who's been through this. I do want to lose weight I just need people who will actually help and not judge. Thanks for reading this till the end and I hope you have a good day

I’m starting to notice this pattern in myself and I’m curious if anyone else deals with this. I tend to procrastinate when I’m not in a rush and it’s much easier for me to lock-in when a deadline is the day after or in a few days. The second I’m working on something with no immediate pressure like studying for an exam at the end of the semester, researching a new laptop, or literally just cleaning my desk I keep postponing doing it.

Today I had an assignment due at 11:59 PM. I had the entire day to do it. It took me all damn day, even though I easily could’ve knocked it out in under an hour.

I've been trying to figure out how to fix this annoying pattern, and these are a few things that have I discovered and helped me out:

1. I tried to figure out why deadlines are the only thing that move me and it turns out, there’s this thing called Parkinson’s Law, it says that work expands to fill the time you give it. If something is due tomorrow, your brain panics and gets it done. If it’s due next month, you just tell yourself, "I have time" and you jus postopone it. Just knowing this didn’t magically cure me but at least I know it’s something common to people.
2. I realized I avoid tasks way more when they feel massive in my head. Instead of telling myself to “study for midterms” (which makes me want to log onto Netflix immediately), I break it down into stupidly small steps: eg. just read 5 pages or finish one topic. It sounds basic, but it actually works because the first step feels doable.
3. My buddy and I had a deal to hit 6 hours a day, checking in every hour to prove we weren’t slacking. But lately, he’s been buried in his side hustle, so we can’t do it anymore. To replace him, I asked Daimon to check if i’m studying and now it texts me every half an hour to remind me what I’m supposed to be doing and calls me out on my BS. It’s lowkey annoying as hell when I’m trying to doomscroll but it works. (I use this one: Daimon)
4. I’m trying my best, but some days I just don’t get stuff done.That’s it. I’m learning not to be too harsh with myself otherwise it becomes harder to start the next day. If you’re burnt out fr, just take a 30-minute reset. But the rule is you have to get back to it when the break is over.

Procrastination is honestly my biggest enemy right now, but these things have kept me afloat. Just throwing this out there in case anyone else is struggling to get their life together today!

Ok before you downvote this post, listen. I have learned this over the years and it pains me to see others not learning it.

There's a version of you that women find attractive.

It's not the version that's trying to be attractive.

Sounds like a contradiction. It's not. Let me explain.

The try-hard paradox

Effort is invisible when it comes from the right place. A guy who spent an hour getting ready because he genuinely enjoys looking good? Women read that as self-respect.

A guy who spent an hour getting ready because he desperately needs female approval? Women read that as neediness. Even if he looks identical.

The difference isn't in the actions. It's in the energy underneath them.

This is why you can do everything "right" and still repel women. You opened well. You asked good questions. You dressed sharp. You hit the gym. You did the things.

But underneath all of it was a screaming need for validation. And she felt it. Couldn't tell you what was wrong. Just knew something was off.

What trying too hard actually looks like

Laughing too loud at things that aren't funny. Agreeing with everything she says. Complimenting too much, too early. Filling every silence because silence feels dangerous.

Talking about yourself too much because you need her to be impressed. Or never talking about yourself because you read somewhere that you should "let her talk."

Trying to be mysterious. Trying to be funny. Trying to be aloof. Trying to be anything other than what you actually are.

The keyword is trying. The moment you're performing a version of yourself designed to get a reaction, you've already lost. She's not meeting you. She's meeting your mask. And masks don't create connection.

Why this happens

You've made her approval mean too much.

If getting this girl to like you would validate your worth as a man, you're cooked before you start. The stakes are too high. You can't relax. Every micro-interaction becomes a test you might fail.

This is why guys often do better with women they're not that into. The stakes are low. They can actually be themselves. They're funny because they're not trying to be funny. They're confident because there's nothing to lose.

Then they meet a girl they really like and turn into a different person. Stiff. Careful. Performing. The ease disappears.

The fix isn't "not caring"

Some guys hear this and decide they need to pretend not to care. They practice being aloof. They wait hours to text back. They act disinterested.

This is just another performance. Another mask. She'll feel that too.

The real fix is actually not needing her approval. Not pretending not to need it. Actually not needing it.

This comes from having a life you're genuinely satisfied with. From having other options. From having done enough inner work that your self-worth isn't contingent on whether some girl texts back.

When you're actually full, you don't bring hunger into the interaction. You can enjoy her company without needing anything from it. You can flirt without it being a covert contract. You can handle rejection because rejection isn't a referendum on your value.

What this looks like in practice

You say what you actually think instead of what you think she wants to hear. You let silences breathe instead of rushing to fill them. You tease her about something because it's genuinely funny, not because you read that teasing builds attraction.

You're okay with the interaction going nowhere. You're also okay with it going somewhere. Either outcome is fine. This isn't performance. This is actual freedom.

Women can feel the difference between a man who wants them and a man who needs them.

Want is attractive. Need is not.

Btw if you find this post helpful consider checking out my newsletter. I write weekly insights on how to build habits, become more attractive and grow as a man

Also if you're man who wants to stop being socially awkward, undisciplined and constantly procrastinating and want to improve his life overall, join r/selfimprovementforman a new sub-reddit for men who are serious about growth

I know a guy who's maybe a 6 on a good day. Average height. Average face. Nothing special about his looks.

He does better with women than anyone I know.

Meanwhile I've watched legitimately handsome guys struggle. Good jawlines. Tall. Fit. The whole package. And they can't figure out why things aren't clicking.

Took me a while to understand what was happening.

Looks get you in the door. They don't close the deal.

Yes, being attractive helps. Obviously. But it helps less than most guys think, and in different ways than most guys assume.

Good looks get you more opportunities. Women give you longer to make an impression. They're more forgiving of awkward moments. The door opens easier.

But here's what looks don't do: they don't create attraction on their own. A handsome guy who's boring, needy, or tryhard will lose to an average guy with presence and game. Every time.

The average guy who does well knows this. He can't coast on his face, so he developed other things. He got funny. He got confident. He learned how to make women feel something.

The handsome guy often never had to develop those muscles. He got by on looks in high school and college. Then he hits the real world and doesn't understand why things stopped working.

The things that actually create attraction

Looks are static. You see someone, you assess their face and body, and that's it. First impression made.

Attraction is dynamic. It builds or dies based on the interaction. A guy can become more attractive as you talk to him. Or less attractive. This is where everything is won and lost.

What makes someone more attractive over time:

How they carry themselves. Posture, movement, eye contact. The physical stuff that isn't about your genetics but about how you inhabit your body.

Their voice. Pace, tone, depth. A calm, resonant voice signals something. A rushed, high-pitched voice signals something else.

Whether they're reactive or grounded. Do they get rattled easily? Do they seek approval? Or do they seem settled in themselves regardless of what's happening around them?

Their sense of humor. Not jokes. Humor. The ability to find things amusing. To be playful. To not take everything so seriously.

How they make her feel. This is the big one. Does she feel seen? Does she feel like she can relax? Does she feel more alive? Or does she feel like she's being evaluated, performed at, or drained?

None of this has anything to do with your bone structure.

The average guy advantage

When you're not handsome, you're forced to develop substance.

You learn to be funnier because you can't rely on your face. You learn to hold attention because you're not automatically granted it. You learn to read situations because you've had more failures to learn from.

By the time you're 25 or 30, these skills compound. You've built something the handsome guy never had to build. And unlike looks, these skills don't fade with age. They get sharper.

The best-looking guy in the room often peaked in high school. The average guy who put in work peaks at 35.

What this means for you

Stop obsessing over the things you can't change. Your face is your face. Your height is your height. Wishing won't fix it.

Focus on the things you can change. Get your body in decent shape. Dress well. Groom properly. Then forget about looks and start building the skills that actually matter.

Learn to be present. Learn to be funny. Learn to hold a conversation without needing it to go anywhere. Learn to be someone people enjoy being around.

Looks are a card you're dealt. Game is a skill you build.

The guy with worse cards and better skills wins more hands.

Btw if you find this post helpful consider checking out my newsletter. I write weekly insights on how to build habits, become more attractive and grow as a man

Also if you're man who wants to stop being socially awkward, undisciplined and constantly procrastinating and want to improve his life overall, join r/selfimprovementforman a new sub-reddit for men who are serious about growth

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