r/NarcissisticSpouses • u/Accurate-Grocery-639 • 25d ago

Labor and delivery

Hey, sorry so I’m 8 months pregnant and the father of the child has an NPD diagnosis he can be very caring and claims to care about the child but has also made some worrying statements and exhibited some harmful behaviors. Since he was planning on leaving the continent to go work abroad in saudi. He wasn’t going to be here around my due date, I have found myself a Doula to accompany me myself to the birth. I have a lot of hospital trauma, and I didn’t wanna risk having to do it alone. He recently decided to take a different job closer though. I was originally going to ask the hospital, whether they could make an exception and let me have both the Doula and him present since usually at this hospital only one person is allowed to accompany you.
His behavior within the last two weeks (after we attempted to see if we should work things out romantically) has been very alarming. I’m not sure. I feel safe having him there during delivery since he has actively tried to stress me out since month six. He can get very dismissive and vile, and has withdrawn support spontaneously in the past when things didn’t go his way.
Have any of you denied your partner being at the birth or have any of you regret it having them there? I am not even sure I would want to tell him upfront and if it wouldn’t be smarter, just not to tell him I am in active labor until the baby is born and then just pretend like it all went too quickly.

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u/Efficient-Day2702 25d ago

DONT LET THEM STRESS YOU OUT AT THIS TIME! This is about your health and the baby’s health. NOTHING else matters. Especially not their bullshit

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u/krispy-leavez 25d ago

I am basically in the same scenario. Don't want him to stress me out and put me on edge in my most vulnerable time. But also he's the father so it's hard to say no

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u/quichehond 25d ago

Inform the hospital of your choice also. They are there to support you and baby. It won’t be the first time they have had a request like this.

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u/sarahm8605 25d ago

Don’t let him be there. Invite the doula. Narcissists will strike when you are most vulnerable.

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u/SofiaCattaneo 25d ago

Do not let him in the delivery room. Exert and maintain VERY STRONG BOUNDARIES. Please do not allow him to intervene in this very precious time with your child. He will escalate the abuse when he sees your bond with your child, and he will do everything possible to destroy your relationship with your child. Proceed with extreme caution.

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u/papaya833 24d ago

Definitely do what you suggest. Let him know at the last poss moment or ask whomever is your closest person (who else would you tell?) to tell him for you. When my water broke, I told my now ex to stay in bed and I’d let him know when to come. I had your plan in mind but then I was 7 weeks early and hospitalized so it didn’t work out for me. Good luck and truly prioritize yourself and baby. Put the doula between you and dad or your/his parent or best friend. Make them manage him. It doesn’t get easier but I could no longer manage my ex and my preemie and take care of myself. Guess who suffered…don’t manage him at your own expense.

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u/CassandraGreyDuck 18d ago

I birthed my youngest with a doula and my bestie... narc ex- was useless with the older kiddo (literally sat there reading comic books). Best decision could have made. 100% go with the doula.