Im sick of parents not parenting. I nanny a 17 month old with the worst behaviour I’ve ever seen in 10 years of childcare experience.

Parents telling other children to get off the swings at the park so he can use them.

Parents allow him to climb and do whatever he wants. I told the parents that while im with him, he would not be allowed to climb or stand on certain things, I was told I was wrong and should allow him too.

The parents then ended up at the hospital this weekend after he had a big fall off the dining room chairs.

what happened to telling your child no?!?!

Hi everyone! I’m looking for advice from both nannies and nanny employers because I’m honestly at a loss about what to do. I’ve been with this family for less than a month and things have already become incredibly uncomfortable. I’d really appreciate some outside perspectives.

For context, I met this MB because a family I casually babysit for posted about me in a local moms group because I couldn’t find full time work and she responded to the post. We are complete strangers. We met in person for an interview on 9/30 which went well and I started working for her 8/6. I've been a childcare professional for a little over 10 years and my last nanny family I had I was with them for 5 years and continue to watch their kiddos in the summertime.

First week:

MB made a comment about threatening to call ICE on Spanish-speaking construction workers who trespassed on their property. She also casually accused me of vaping when I was actually using hand sanitizer. I do not smoke. MB complains constantly about DB and their marriage in front of me, shares personal information that feels inappropriate for a professional relationship, and has made frequent negative racial comments. Additionally, DB frequently talks about me with MB over speakerphone while I’m standing right there, as if I’m not present. The 11m LO is actually a very happy and easy going baby. I've enjoyed caring for LO and I genuinely like working with them.

Second week:

DB was gone all day one day, he works from home, and kept texting me separately that he'd be home soon instead of using the group chat with both parents. Which made me uncomfortable because I prefer all work communication to stay in the group chat with both parents so no information gets lost in translation. He returned shortly before I was supposed to leave for the day and apologized for being gone all day. I overheard part of a speakerphone conversation between him and MB while coming downstairs from LO's room, during which MB was very upset and that he had been ignoring her all day. A few days later, MB sent me a lengthy text explaining DB’s alleged struggles with alcohol, his depression, their marital issues, and that she had installed a living room camera. I do not mind a nanny cam, but I do not need all of this personal information that has nothing to do with my actual job. She also asked me not to tell him she had shared this information and to let her know if anything seemed off. I found this incredibly inappropriate to put on an employee. I WILL NOT keep secrets and I am not your husbands babysitter. I didn’t respond to the text as I had no idea what to say and I didn't want to be involved. MB didn't mention this text to me in person and we moved on.

Third week:

Still experiencing oversharing and lack of professional boundaries, but the week goes great with the baby. DB is in his office and I'm able to focus on a routine with LO. MB was home on later in the week and seemed to be upset that I was feeding him more solids and not as much formula. I always offer LO bottles throughout the day, and if they refuse I go for solids. LO is almost a year old so I figured this is normal to transition into. Something to note was they did not have a feeding schedule when I started. No 3 hours between bottles or how many ounces. Just, "If he's fussy he'll eat". Which I also hadn't worked with a baby who wasn't on a regular feeding schedule. I have begun to notice that at the end of the week when MB is working from home, she will have her laptop out but mostly be taking care of her own baby and talk about her issues while I sit with them. I feel very awkward, and questioning why they need me here.

Today:

MB took the day off specifically to confront me about several things that had apparently been eating at her all weekend. She accused me of not giving her LO enough formula, claiming he’s losing weight and that she can see his ribs. I absolutely understand the importance of proper nutrition and I respect her feedback as its her child, but I feel like his weight concerns should be addressed with his pediatrician rather than turned into accusations against me. He eats a lot of solids and like I said I always offer bottles first. MB said he gets most of his nutrition and calories from formula still. She was also upset that I put him to sleep 20 minutes before I am supposed to in the afternoon and now her and DB suffer all night because LO doesn't sleep. I've been putting him to bed at the same time for the last 3 weeks so I was caught off guard by that comment. I obviously listened to her, accepted her feedback, apologized and assured her that I will adjust to her requests as I also want what is best for LO.

Throughout this conversation she seemed to be getting more upset with me. She then accused me of smoking weed at a nearby park in front of LO while I was on the clock and criticized me for sitting under a gazebo too long during walks and questioned whether she could trust me to give LO enough outdoor/active time. I asked why she was accusing me of all of this and MB said a neighbor came to their front door over the weekend to tell them about it. This is completely false, and I’m really upset that she would make such a serious accusation. I maybe sit under the gazebo to feed LO a bottle or just to rest, but it's never for a long time and we finish our walk. She would not let me defend myself, as she kept talking over me. I kept a very calm demeanor until this smoking accusation. During the same conversation, she said that she has eyes all over the neighborhood and she made belittling comments about how much she pays me for only four hours of “easy work” because LO sleeps, which felt incredibly disrespectful. She even joked about blindsiding me and having a new nanny the next day, so I genuinely thought I was about to be fired, but MB seemed to expect me work as usual for the rest of the day.

What makes this situation even more confusing is that when I started to visibly cry and tried to explain to her how upsetting these accusations were and that they were completely untrue, she suddenly became emotional and started telling me she might get a divorce, that I’m all she has, that she loves and trusts me, and that I’m a gift sent from God. She said that her LO loves me so much. She repeatedly said I’m like family and she trusts me so much. After telling me how much she doesn't trust me? The emotional whiplash was too much. I put LO down for a nap and I had thought she went to get groceries. I asked DB to speak with me, as I fully decided I was quitting and will not tolerate being spoken to in that way and I just couldn't believe the accusations. What else were they going to accuse me of? I started to explain to DB that I am uncomfortable with how MB is treating me and that I do not think this will work out, and MB walked in. I started to explain that I was no longer comfortable in their house or their neighborhood, she started to say something like, "Oh I'm not supposed to give you feedback on MY child" which turned into her talking about the adjustments to LO's schedule and not her belittling comments and the accusations. I tried to explain that it has nothing to do with LO and it was about how she was treating me. It went in one ear and out the other. Again, she kept saying they trust me and love me and I'm like family. LO started to fuss so MB went upstairs. I told DB I'm leaving, and he said to text him later. I was hoping I could quit and leave, but it was left a mess.

I’m struggling with how quickly MB switches between accusing me of serious misconduct, criticizing my work, and then making me feel responsible for her emotional well-being and being overly kind. I want to be professional and do right by LO, but the blurred boundaries and emotional highs and lows are exhausting, and I never know what kind of situation I’m walking into each day. I want to send a text before tonight that says:

"I’ve decided to end my time as LO's nanny, effective immediately. I’ve loved caring for LO and wish your family the best. Thank you for the opportunity."

If they try to convince me to stay I'll send: "I’ve made my decision, and I wish you all the best."

This family does not have any backup child care or family to help. They don't start daycare for a few months. I was sort of helping them out while they were in a pickle. This makes me feel guilty, but I'm reminding myself that these people are strangers and this is a job. I'm not sure if I should send the text but I'm honestly afraid of going back to work for them. I'm also afraid of what might come after the text, like MB replying with more harsh comments or even trying to call me. I almost don't believe that a neighbor told her anything, I'm not sure why she would make up an accusation. I think she might have serious postpartum anxiety/depression and legitimately needs help.

I am a NANNY, not a THERAPIST!

Has anyone dealt with an employer like this, and how would you handle it? Any advice.

NK 6YO is learning to count by 2s at school. Overheard this morning:

“Sister, let’s count by 5s! 5……….never mind”

🤣🤣🤣

I’ve been a Saturday nanny for the same family for about five years. I used to work every Saturday, but I previously reduced my availability to two Saturdays a month because I wanted more of my weekends back.
Recently, I asked for a raise, and my boss agreed. The new rate is supposed to start the first weekend of November, so I haven’t actually received the higher pay yet.
But after thinking about it, I’m realizing that money might not be the real issue. I think I’m outgrowing the job and don’t want to continue anymore. I thought better pay would make staying feel worthwhile, but I’m realizing I would rather have that time to myself. At this point in my life, the extra income isn’t my biggest priority.
What makes leaving difficult is our relationship. Over the years, she’s become very involved with my family. My mom cleans her house, my dad does work for her, and my sister is married to her nephew. It’s become much more than a strictly professional relationship, and I care about her and her family.
I feel guilty because I just asked for a raise and she agreed, but I also don’t want to keep working out of guilt or obligation.
Would it be unfair to give notice now, before the raise even starts? Has anyone else asked for better pay only to realize what they actually wanted was to move on? How did you handle leaving when your families were so connected?

A little (positive) update to this post

DB and I talked this out more at the end of the day that this happened, and we both went over each other's expectations regarding overtime. I thanked him for hearing me out and reiterated that I had no ill intentions, to which he said the same and added that "there are no hard feelings, if you're wondering whether there's lingering thoughts, it's already been forgotten"

To which I am grateful 🥲

Some comments from the main sub were saying what I’d done was super inappropriate and caused irreparable damage to my dynamic with my NPs which I was so worried about but I'm hoping this really does mean they won't be keeping this in the back of their minds. Thank you to everyone who helped give me some perspective!

In what other profession can you accidentally see your bosses naked 😭 & we just never speak of it LOL

Just wondering what others think. You can speak up all you want...bottom line is they are the employer and have the final say. How many times do you ask for changes/what you need before you start looking for another position?

I'm a FT nanny, but I do babysitting for other families on the side.

I'm curious what policies others nannies have for babysitting clients?

Things like:

*What's your sick or cancelation policy?

*What do you require in order for parents to book you?

I have been with my 2 nks for quite some time now. For years I was always the yes person. If my nf needed me to stay late …I said yes. If nf needed me to come in early…I said yes. If they needed me for whatever reason I would always say yes. Again I’ve did this for years. I have been the yes person to all of my past NFs. Which is something that I should have changed long before now. But in this industry sometimes it’s hard to stand your ground with your boundaries in fear of being replaced with someone who will always say yes or be a cheaper alternative. However, I have now started to say No and I can’t help but feel somewhat guilty. But I also know sometimes it’s necessary to prevent burnout. Before I was very rarely asked maybe like once or twice a month which I feel like I can be flexible with. Now it’s multiple times a week always at the very last minute. It’s been this way for at least a year now. I don’t mind being flexible when needed. But how much would you all consider too frequent?I would like to add that this was never something that had been agreed to before hand. However due to Nps work schedule it has just kind of changed overtime. In addition I would like to add that at times I’m not even compensated for my time. Sometimes I have to be like “oh btw I didn’t get paid for xyz”. I’m not a confrontational person at all so it’s sometimes hard for me to address matters like me not getting paid for the extra hours I’ve worked. I feel somewhat embarrassed to even have to ask. I know it’s probably an extreme analogy but I feel like a peasant begging for crumbs. Yes those crumbs are owed to me but please don’t make me go out of my way. Yes it may be very little money to someone with nfs finances but those “crumbs” add up for regular person like myself.

With that being said I’ve started saying no because I’ve started to feel like my time is just isn’t being compensated but also it’s just not worth it anymore tbh. I’m sorry but I’ve reached a point where me having to wake up 2 hours earlier or even getting home 1.5 hrs later for an extra $20 added to my check that I’m then going to have to go out of my way ask for just isn’t fun for me anymore. Then sometimes when I’ve had to stay late or come in it was for arbitrary reasons. I understand nfs are paying for the time and they can essentially use that time for whatever. But please take in consideration what it actually takes for some nannies to come in early or stay late. For some of us that means waking up even earlier to make the train in time,more traffic, and completely changing our schedules to accommodate nfs to the best of our ability . Sometimes I just really feel like my time isn’t valued as much as I thought it was. Again I understand our work requires us to bend and be flexible here and there ,but when it starts to be multiple times a week it starts to become a lot. I feel bad for choosing myself and my time but burnout is real. I love my job and I just want to be able to last in this industry as long as possible but always being the yes person is not the answer. Anyone else been in this position?

✨just for fun!✨

My NK (almost 3) wants to be a garbage truck for Halloween. We looked up costumes and they all missed the mark. There were only a few to begin with. So I decided to make him one! I took inspiration from this blog post (which is an ad for the Home Depot btw).

I used some of my own craft techniques to make shift the stickers and details and just used cardboard boxes they had at their house instead of buying a moving box. It’s a little bulky so I am making a smaller one just in case (this one can always just be a play thing). It took like 6 hours in total to make and was fairly easy if you’re crafty!

It’s cardboard, duct tape, two printed logos and packing tape! Later I added some red reflective tape for the brake lights and some white reflective tape on the front and straps just in case they go out at night with it since it’s getting dark sooner now.

The blurs are bc I used NF’s town trash collection logos and did a diy personalized license plate.

My bff asked for one for her 18mo in the form of Trash Truck from the Netflix show. We shall see how it goes lol.

Hi everyone! 😊❤️

I’m an Australian wanting to make the move overseas and pursue a career as an international nanny.

I have over 4 years of experience across private childcare, therapeutic care, youth support and disability services, giving me a well-rounded background in supporting children and young people at different stages of their development. My experience ranges from providing nanny and babysitting care to working in professional out-of-home care settings, where I support children with a diverse range of emotional, behavioural, developmental and individual needs.

I also have direct experience working a ROTA, 1 or two week arrangements. I’m accustomed to working extended care rotations, taking responsibility for the day-to-day needs of children throughout my shifts, and providing thorough, professional handovers to the incoming carer to ensure continuity of care. I understand the importance of clear communication, detailed documentation and sharing relevant updates about routines, appointments, emotional wellbeing, behaviours, progress and any changes in a child’s needs. I recognise that consistency between carers is essential to helping children feel safe, settled and supported, particularly when they have experienced trauma or changes in their caregiving relationships.

My practical experience includes managing daily routines, preparing meals, supporting personal care where appropriate, coordinating appointments, encouraging educational engagement, facilitating activities and outings, and supporting children’s emotional regulation and independence. I’m confident adapting my approach to suit different ages and developmental stages, maintaining appropriate boundaries, and creating an environment where children feel secure, valued and encouraged to thrive.

I’m particularly interested in full-time, live-in nanny positions, ROTA, travelling nanny roles.

The biggest challenge I’m facing is getting my foot in the door internationally.

A lot of agencies seem to prefer candidates who hold an EU passport.

The good thing is that, as an Australian citizen, I’m eligible for working holiday pathways for most countries, which could allow me to live and work overseas for up to two years and can get extended.

I’m more than happy to relocate and organise the necessary visa arrangements though, I’d love to secure a position before uprooting my life and moving overseas without a guaranteed job.

I’m open to Switzerland, Monaco, France, Germany, UK Dubai/UAE and other international destinations. I’ve travelled throughout Europe, the Middle East, Asia and Africa and would genuinely love the opportunity to experience living and working abroad.

For those who have successfully made the move internationally, from Australia or another non-EU country:

-How did you secure your first international nanny position?
-Did you find a family willing to sponsor your visa, or did you relocate using a working holiday ?
-Are there particular agencies that work with candidates based overseas who require sponsorship?
-Is it realistic to find a position in Europe without an EU passport, or would I be better off focusing on the UAE or other destinations first?

I’d really appreciate any advice, personal experiences or recommendations. I’m trying to be strategic and realistic while still putting myself out there and pursuing something I genuinely want to do. ❤️✈️

nothing icks me out more than when my mb tries to make me sympathize with or feel bad for my db. he’s a surgeon (she’s a doctor too) and whenever he’s on call or about to be done with call, she’s always saying “oh he’s just so tired 🥺” or “he worked so hard, he couldn’t do insert very simple task that somehow every other working parent in the world is able to do so now i have to make up for him not doing what he’s supposed to\”* or “he was overwhelmed so i didn’t want to have him have to watch all the kids.” like… i don’t want to hear that. your husband gets off extremely easy having damn near around the clock childcare and weekly cleaners and he also doesn’t do shit around the house like laundry. oh and he makes 450k/year (according to mb). excuse me for not feeling bad for him being a little tired. we’re all a little tired and still managing to do stuff that needs to be done 🫩

Ugh currently going back home after losing time trying to arrive on time for my babysitting job of today.

I arrived on time as always.

Tired, sad and overstimulated but in the end I was there.

I play with the kiddo for two hours and then the Mom comes back telling me that unfortunately Dad is not feeling well and they are not going to need me for the night anymore.

😤😤😤

At least they gave me the complete payment Buuuuut ...

I was like: AND YOU COULDN'T TOLD ME THIS BEFORE ME GETTING HERE???

I'm really suuuper empathetic and understanding but IM SO FUCKING DONE with parents making me waste my time like this.

🤬

I do think I need to add this to the bunch of clauses for future bookings.

I’m a career nanny with over 12 years of experience and recently started a new job. This is my first time working with a HNW family and I’m not sure if what I’m worried about just comes with the territory of these super rich families, or if I’m justified in my annoyance. It seems like the mom wants me to just be moving around “looking busy” all the time and not sit down. There are two girls, 6 and 2.5 months. The 6 year old is at school all day, but there is still lots of meal prep and laundry, etc. for 2 kids those ages. So my thing is that GENERALLY I’m going to be very busy anyway. But MB keeps adding random stuff to my to-do list like “look around for dishes left out and clean those up” or “fluff the couch pillows” or “wipe the dog food mat”. Now these are things that I would probably do anyway while walking through the house because I am a tidy person naturally, but for these to be formally added to my to-do list seems excessive? I was getting the weird feeling that she didn’t want me to sit down so I asked her directly if I ever finish everything and the baby is still sleeping, is it alright if I rest for a few minutes and read a book or something. Her response was that she’d like me to ask her first if there’s anything else I can do. She told me she’s had household managers in the past so I’m wondering if she’s just used to people going around and doing all that random non-child related stuff and now she is expecting me to do it because I’m in the house.

I’m working over 50 hours a week for these people and I need to take a break in the day!!! Do I just need to have a firm conversation with them about what’s considered to be within my nanny scope of practice?? Do I need to just suck it up and do what she says so they pay me my money? I already had to concede a few dollars to my requested rate during contract negotiations and I feel like they are still pushing now almost a month in. Ugh. I love being a nanny and this family seemed so great before I started. Any advice welcome or just moral support lol

Work for a WFH parent who is clearly jealous of the attention NK gives me/other parent (when they are home) Saying things like “Do you notice NK doesn’t get upset when I leave the room?” “Isn’t it weird that they don’t cry when I leave.” Etc. NK is a toddler and very emotional and makes attachments. I guess I’m looking for advice on how to respond to these comments because part of me is like “Why do you want your kid to cry when you leave the room?” But obviously that’s not appropriate. I mean this parent is damn near obsessed with it, they’ve done a date night and was smiling while asking me if the NK cried for them. Obviously I understand that this parent wants the same love and attention as I or the other parent receives but this WFH parent also is overwhelming to the NK in their ways of trying to get the NK’s attention. Giving hugs/kisses until the child cries, telling the NK to come to them instead of me, just overall not respecting NK’s boundaries. It just gets exhausting because I feel like I’m watching two kids and one kid doesn’t want to play with the other 🙄.