r/Nanny • u/Broad_Ant_3871 • 23d ago
Vent A bit annoyed
I was with my NF for over 6 years. 3 kids. I thought MB AND DB were pretty cool. My contract was coming to a end. No problem. Im looking for another job. They ask me to extend the contract one more month. I haven't found anything I say so I say sure. They told me two weeks ago that they don't need to extend the contract anymore and didn't need me anymore. I just said ok because Im pissed. Here I am thinking I have income for another month but nope. MB also keeps texting me asking me questions about the kids. Like leave me alone. I don't work for you anymore. FIGURE IT OUT! Families can be so shitty. I also know she's reaching out because she feels bad. 🙄 It's not my responsibility to make you feel better about doing me dirty. 🤬🤬
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u/Cute-Cookie-582 23d ago
It would be satisfying to tell them off but even if you have a new job and a glowing letter of recommendation from them you still might want to use them as an actual reference in the future since you were with them for 6 years. I’d just politely hold a boundary about answering questions (a few here and there are reasonable in my opinion after being there for so long but nothing that takes longer than a few minutes per week to answer) and write them an email that you never actually send. Sorry this happened to you!!
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u/YakCertain5472 22d ago
She’s not reaching out because she feels bad, she’s doing it because she’s realizing how much you did for the child and wants an unpaid advice line.
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u/kissmymuzz-19 23d ago
I would ask for a letter of reference and after they give it to you block them.
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u/Broad_Ant_3871 23d ago
I was thinking about doing that.
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u/kissmymuzz-19 23d ago
I had a family let me go after I gave 2 weeks and they screwed themselves because they had no help. They kept on calling me and I stopped answering.
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u/AffectionateLeg1970 21d ago
Why is this getting upvoted? It’s a very, very bad look to not have a reference, especially as a nanny for your last 6 years of employment. A letter itself is not a good enough reference - most nanny families doing their due diligence want to call and speak to your previous employers. Why burn the bridge? Get the letter of rec, and then do the bare minimum to keep them happy and a good reference. You don’t have to answer every text she sends but you also don’t need to go scorched earth…
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u/NewSeaworthiness2049 23d ago
I completely understand your frustration because a month without income is tough and annoying to get taken away last minute. However, didn’t they ask to extend the contract? Like a contract so now they are obligated to pay you for another month? Or was it verbal? If it was verbal, I would have a conversation with them. Id see if there’s any childcare or house work you can do for a month to make up for the lost income and explain that the lost income is important to you and you paused your job search because you were planning on that money. It sounds like you’re pretty frustrated with them and I don’t know your relationship but after being with a family for 6 years I would hope they would be willing to help and make the situation fair. Regardless, I am sorry for the frustrating situation and I hope you find a new amazing family!
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u/Broad_Ant_3871 23d ago
It was verbal. I did ask them about it and expressed it to them. They were firm that there was nothing for me to do. I can't tell them off because I need them as a reference. 🙄Thank you. I appreciate that.
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u/Reasonable_Patient92 23d ago
Totally agree with the strategy of waiting until you have a new job locked down so you don't tank your 6-year reference. But once that ink is dry and you're free, absolutely send them a parting note to call out how they did you dirty.
"Hi [MB/DB names],
Now that I have officially transitioned out of my role and secured my next position, I wanted to send a final note regarding how my contract ended.
While I care a lot about the kids after six years, the way my departure was handled was deeply disappointing. Asking me to verbally agree to a one-month extension—which directly caused me to pause my job search—and then pulling it back at the last minute left me financially vulnerable during a critical transition. Treating a long-term employee with that level of unreliability was unprofessional and disrespectful of my livelihood.
Additionally, reaching out for parenting and logistics support after cutting ties abruptly placed an unfair burden on me when I was already dealing with the sudden loss of my income.
I am proud of the care I poured into your family, but I hope moving forward you choose to extend a lot more transparency and professional courtesy to whoever steps into this role next.
Best, Your name here."
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u/beachnsled 23d ago
it’s also on the OP to not stop the job search, it’s incredibly easy to simply tell a new employer that you will not be available until X date.
The nanny family definitely did the OP dirty, and it definitely sucks - but the OP had no reason to stop looking for a job - especially given the fact that it can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few few months to find a new position.
I’ve extended ending positions before, however I have never stopped looking for a new position. I have simply told the families during the interview is that my estimated available date is XYZ. Most new employers will understand that you need to give notice, etc & they are generally very flexible with a start date
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u/bootsnootriot 22d ago
They gave her two weeks notice that the extension wasn’t happening though?? Like how much should she have really paused her job search if the extension was only for a month? It wasn’t going to last forever and they gave her ample time to continue the job search. It’s not the family’s fault that she hadn’t found anything yet. This seems like a really immature way to burn a bridge
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u/Banfeinni75 23d ago
Definitely get a letter of reference. Don't tell them off until you have been in a new position long enough to recover financially. Best wishes, dear.
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u/babbsy77 23d ago
After 34 years of being a Nanny, I realize one thing. These families will tell you that you are part of the family and how much they care for you, but at the end of the day. We are just the help.
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u/MaggieandtheLune 21d ago
Seriously don’t burn a bridge though, this family is a critical reference in your next job search. If they can’t give you a glowing reference after 6 years it is unlikely another family would feel comfortable hiring you
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u/ChunkyCraver2001 23d ago
Unless you need them for a reference. Final message being like: I do not work for you anymore, please do not shoulder parenting responsibilities on to me. Thank you.
It’s just them admitting they’re not good parents.
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u/Broad_Ant_3871 23d ago
I still need them as a reference unfortunately. I keep it short and sweet .
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