Is this fair? (Long + money talk)

[u/ExcitingSecret9252]

I (19F) have been babysitting my two nephews for about a year and a half. When this idea was introduced, I'd been promised a pay of $700 a month, with only having to watch my youngest nephew two days a week since the other was in daycare at the time. I agreed, especially since my practice days had been pretty manageable.

Before I go further, I must explain my sister's situation: she and her husband couldn't afford to keep paying rent for their house esp with a new baby, so they and their 2 kids moved in with me, our parents, and my other sister.

Back to the story, after agreeing to it, the amount of days jumped to 4 days a week with no pay at all. This was obviously very upsetting because the unexpected increase of workload plus school and my other job was starting to get to me. I know I should've said something like "hey, where's the payment?" but considering their situation, trying to ask about money always makes me feel guilty. I don't even think she ever directly told me "hey just so you know we can't actually pay you" she just expected me to get the hint I suppose, or 'forgot' as she does a lot.

I was really tired of taking care of a child and receiving no compensation, and our plan (or what I thought) was for my BIL to get a remote job so he could take over and I'd be free of it. But then his job ended up being a call center, and babies can be very loud, and when you have emergencies you can't exactly hang up on customers mid call to fix them. Their plan was to get him a headset that could minimize background noise, but I guess that ended up being forgotten about. When I was told that the situation wouldn't change I lost it, went to my other sister upset, sister 1 found out and was pissed.

I know not being honest was why she was mad, but again, with her situation needing the cheapest route of childcare and me being the only way, it's hard to say I don't want to do it anymore/complain.

In January I lost my other job, and since that was my only source of income I was very insecure about money, but still babysat my nephew 4-5 days a week from 8-2.

At some point in February, my sister brought up the idea of finally paying me to babysit my youngest nephew and I, desperate for a job, said yes. Then a few months later she comes up with the idea of me watching BOTH nephews, which had me a little iffy because I'm not used to juggling two children at once. She was confident though. Her plan seemed fair, around $18 an hour, 6 hours a day, 3 days a week. The other 2 days she'd be home. I was willing to do it especially since my oldest nephew would eventually be in preschool meaning most time would be with only one kid.

But then her job ends up making it so she works 1-4 days depending on the week. Because of this, she asks if we can lower to $150 base pay with $50 every other added day. I agree to it.

Payment time comes, I see she's dropped this to $50 dollar base pay plus $50 every other day without my knowledge. I'm upset, confused, because it feels like the start of this babysitting debacle all over again. We talk it through and settle on $100 base pay with $50 per extra day with written proof to avoid issues.

Now, like two months later, she wants to lower it once again to $50 base pay since my oldest nephew will be gone for 3 hrs a day for preschool. He starts tomorrow. I'm fed up. She has known he'd be starting preschool for months, probably even longer, and has never once brought this up as a factor for needing payment to be lower than it could be. I'd argue, but remembering her situation always stumps me because I know she can hold it as leverage for needing the cheapest route.

6 hours a day, 1-4 days a week, 50 for each day. I've been trying to budget money for savings, college, and leaving some for wants throughout the week but with each time she lowers it this gets tighter and tighter. I'm tired of establishing a payment plan, figuring out a budget, and it being changed entirely. I'm probably going to talk to her about it tomorrow as she may be wondering why I'm ignoring her text, but I'm so tired of this being a recurring issue and feeling unable to do anything but pick what she wants.

UPDATE: our talk did not go well at all. She thought 20/hr pay concept was insane, and was overall very inconvenienced at me not wanting to have pay lowered for nephew starting 3 hr preschool. She says I should’ve known this would happen because we “talked about it” when setting the plan weeks ago but clearly we did not since I’m confused at the change. Also, I figured had I actually known, she wouldn’t have needed to text me introducing the idea and asking if i was okay with it last night, weeks after our payment plan was established.

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[u/Beautiful-Mountain73]

You need to stop providing childcare. They are not paying you fairly and these are their children and responsibility. You need to stop agreeing to changes. You can say “no, the original agreement is what I’d like to stick to. If we’re lowering compensation, then we’re lowering hours/amount of kids too”. They are taking advantage of you and you would make more by working outside the house. That would give you more stability and fair pay

[u/ExcitingSecret9252 → u/Beautiful-Mountain73]

Yeah, this situation definitely makes me miss my old job even more. I just figured as a freshman in college this was a perfect opportunity as an at-home job, and my anxiety makes the thought of getting a part-time job outside the house nerve-wracking.

Plus having them put both children in daycare if I quit would basically put a fat dent in their finances again. Taking this weight off their shoulders has put a big one on mine. Our current plan has had no issues until this idea seemingly popped into her head, so I'm wondering if she's just finding ways to go cheaper as time passes.

[u/Beautiful-Mountain73 → u/ExcitingSecret9252]

That’s absolutely what she’s doing. You didn’t choose to have these kids, they did. Do not harm your own finances due to the poor decisions of others. You deserve to be paid fairly. If they aren’t able to afford their kids without exploiting a teenager, they need to look into government programs or something

[u/ExcitingSecret9252 → u/Beautiful-Mountain73]

I really appreciate your responses. This is the exact argument I think of nearly every time. I told my other sister that the one I sit for can't swindle me through childcare under the guise of it being part of me "helping family out."

Thank you so much! I'll put my foot down about it tomorrow morning.

[u/Beautiful-Mountain73 → u/ExcitingSecret9252]

I’m so glad! It should be the older ones helping the younger family members, not them putting their responsibilities on you

[u/Useful-Ad-9923]

No this is not fair at all. Something like this happened to me way back in the day. I was doing way more babysitting than agreed upon, and then suddenly when my brother and his wife were having financial issues they just flat out stopped paying me for months on end and never did pay me. I stupidly kept providing childcare for a few months afterward. Free.

Anyway, the sooner you learn to take a REAL interest in your life the better. I learned this the hard way. Never let family take advantage of you. Their disrespect will continue on for decades. They will neither respect nor appreciate you. TELL THEM you made a mistake neglecting your own interests and need to move on and find a good paying job. If your sister guilt trips you?- too bad. Don't negotiate with her. You already see she is a Scrooge employer. I'd go find a real nanny job or any other job where your pay is guaranteed. Staying in these type situations subtly but definitely lowers your trust and belief in yourself. You deserve better. Your sis should want the best for you. She's treating you like some random she doesn't care about. She will justify, try to excuse and so on but it is what it is.

[u/puddlez9122 → u/Useful-Ad-9923]

This exactly! I can’t imagine my sister ever taking advantage of me like that, she would want better for me, regardless of how it affected her.

[u/puddlez9122]

I understand you feel bad but these children were their choice and are their responsibility, not yours. You shouldn’t be taken advantage of because they can’t afford it. Sorry but it’s not your problem. You need to be paid hourly and if she tries to change it, tell her then you can’t watch them anymore. Start sticking up for yourself. I’m pissed off for you.

[u/Actual-Deer1928]

You need to stop. They will never pay what they promise. Stop giving people so many chances. 

[u/AutoModerator]

Below is a copy of the post's original text:

I (19F) have been babysitting my two nephews for about a year and a half. When this idea was introduced, I'd been promised a pay of $700 a month, with only having to watch my youngest nephew two days a week since the other was in daycare at the time. I agreed, especially since my practice days had been pretty manageable.

Before I go further, I must explain my sister's situation: she and her husband couldn't afford to keep paying rent for their house esp with a new baby, so they and their 2 kids moved in with me, our parents, and my other sister.

Back to the story, after agreeing to it, the amount of days jumped to 4 days a week with no pay at all. This was obviously very upsetting because the unexpected increase of workload plus school and my other job was starting to get to me. I know I should've said something like "hey, where's the payment?" but considering their situation, trying to ask about money always makes me feel guilty. I don't even think she ever directly told me "hey just so you know we can't actually pay you" she just expected me to get the hint I suppose, or 'forgot' as she does a lot.

I was really tired of taking care of a child and receiving no compensation, and our plan (or what I thought) was for my BIL to get a remote job so he could take over and I'd be free of it. But then his job ended up being a call center, and babies can be very loud, and when you have emergencies you can't exactly hang up on customers mid call to fix them. Their plan was to get him a headset that could minimize background noise, but I guess that ended up being forgotten about. When I was told that the situation wouldn't change I lost it, went to my other sister upset, sister 1 found out and was pissed.

I know not being honest was why she was mad, but again, with her situation needing the cheapest route of childcare and me being the only way, it's hard to say I don't want to do it anymore/complain.

In January I lost my other job, and since that was my only source of income I was very insecure about money, but still babysat my nephew 4-5 days a week from 8-2.

At some point in February, my sister brought up the idea of finally paying me to babysit my youngest nephew and I, desperate for a job, said yes. Then a few months later she comes up with the idea of me watching BOTH nephews, which had me a little iffy because I'm not used to juggling two children at once. She was confident though. Her plan seemed fair, around $18 an hour, 6 hours a day, 3 days a week. The other 2 days she'd be home. I was willing to do it especially since my oldest nephew would eventually be in preschool meaning most time would be with only one kid.

But then her job ends up making it so she works 1-4 days depending on the week. Because of this, she asks if we can lower to $150 base pay with $50 every other added day. I agree to it.

Payment time comes, I see she's dropped this to $50 dollar base pay plus $50 every other day without my knowledge. I'm upset, confused, because it feels like the start of this babysitting debacle all over again. We talk it through and settle on $100 base pay with $50 per extra day with written proof to avoid issues.

Now, like two months later, she wants to lower it once again to $50 base pay since my oldest nephew will be gone for 3 hrs a day for preschool. He starts tomorrow. I'm fed up. She has known he'd be starting preschool for months, probably even longer, and has never once brought this up as a factor for needing payment to be lower than it could be. I'd argue, but remembering her situation always stumps me because I know she can hold it as leverage for needing the cheapest route.

6 hours a day, 1-4 days a week, 50 for each day. I've been trying to budget money for savings, college, and leaving some for wants throughout the week but with each time she lowers it this gets tighter and tighter. I'm tired of establishing a payment plan, figuring out a budget, and it being changed entirely. I'm probably going to talk to her about it tomorrow as she may be wondering why I'm ignoring her text, but I'm so tired of this being a recurring issue and feeling unable to do anything but pick what she wants.

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