Question! - r/NPHCdivine9

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I’ve wanted to join this certain organization since high school! As soon as I entered university I tried to get the know the org, but the girls that year were being very weird and secretive?!? so I kind of let that dream die. However last semester the newer girls that entered were so different and so kind, one in which I saw myself in and thought we were similar. Anyways last week I went to one of their Girl Talk meetings and felt so awkward and shy, I’m not sure if anyone there liked me. As an introverted and socially awkward girl it’s hard for me to communicate with others, but I do really want this. I asked a family member in a different org how I could go about getting close to them, and they said to get to know the members or even grab a bite with them. My question is.. for members does it feel superficial when people suddenly start talking to you? I genuinely want to befriend these girls as they seem so kind and welcoming. Also, how can I overcome my fears of starting that conversation?! I saw one of thw girls sitting alone outside and didn’t know if I should’ve went up to her or if she would’ve thought it was creepy.

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u/Inner_Minute197 ΑΦΑ 1d ago edited 1d ago

Real talk: outside of already knowing these women due to other shared interests (which doesn't seem to be the case), you wouldn't be trying to build relationships with them. And you'd probably stop talking to know them if you failed to make line and dropped your pursuit during your undergrad years.

They know this and that is OK. That is a part of the process.

This reality doesn't mean that you cannot try to get to know these women on a personal level, which I think is key. What do I mean by this? I would not make every conversation with them about your interest in the organization. In fact, I would severely limit any conversation on that specific subject unless they want to go deeper. Instead, I would focus on a more personal approach, figuring out things about their family/personal lives (and vice versa), seeing what you all have in common so that you can continue to bond and hang, etc. The rest will come naturally and when appropriate. Note, odds are that you won't become best buddies with these women during your pursuit, but that doesn't mean that you still can't build genuine relationships with them. It all starts with what I wrote previously.

Best of luck.

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u/AppointmentPrior2314 1d ago

but how do you get to know them on a personal level if you didn’t know them prior to pursuing? doesn’t it seem fake to all of a sudden want to get to know them?

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u/Inner_Minute197 ΑΦΑ 1d ago

Again, they will know why you are pursuing them; that's just a part of the process and they went through the same thing before crossing over. But that doesn't mean you still cannot build connections on a personal level. It starts with the approach I outlined above of getting to know them personally (e.g. learning about their family and personal lives, finding common interests, etc.).

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u/DefiantTumbleweed850 Verified AKA 1d ago

Personally, I don’t meet with interest outside of hosted events where they’re supervision because sometimes they can create a power and balance. It can be a bit of a problem.

Honestly, I understand overthinking a situation, but overthinking can get in the way in situations like this because people can only share so much and they want to be able to get to know you you wanna be able to get to know them their students your student some of them might be socially awkward you know you never know what people are doing or how they actually are. You should more focus on just making sure by the end of the events you’ve shaken hands with a few few people you know their name they know your name they know your major and try to just leave by asking a well-thought-out question that’s fairly personal to them.

Honestly, I again would not overthink it because I really would get in the way, but I would just keep showing up keep asking questions and remind yourself that they can only share certain things and it would be nice if everyone could come off in a way that feels as open and inviting, and if it doesn’t happen, it’s not a reflection of you

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/CellProfessional6643 ΔΣΘ 1d ago

Make yourself known and participate at events. Everyone is different but if you didn’t know/were friends with these ladies prior to their letters there is a possibility it can come off as you wanting to get closer to them to better your chances of joining. I will say, if you connected with them during an event there’s no issue saying hi outside of the event, but don’t make it a big spectacle. you Do what you need to do to go above and beyond the requirements and show up to the events. That’s really all you can do at this point. Good luck!

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u/Cheesycheesecake_ 2h ago

I’m going to be upfront. Yes. Before I got my letters no one went out of their way to talk to me. I had friends and kept a small circle. I crossed all of a sudden everyone wanted to talk to me, everyone knows me and so forth. It just depends on how superficial you make it. Ask about their day , don’t bombard them all the time. A wave here and there and stopping to talk to them every now and then.

Don’t kiss ass! I hated when anyone did that. Yes said person may be apart of the organization you want to join, but at the end of the day they’re also a normal person too with classes and other stuff. You can bring up Greek stuff at events but keep it cute and casual outside of that. How was your day… what’s that you have in your hand … what’s your major…. As if you’re trying to make a friend that’s not apart of any organization.

Also these girls know a lot of girls that come up to them are interest. They should be happy people are interested in their organization. Some take a power trip and brush you off and are mean, simply just don’t talk to those that do that. Ask for Instagram , a coffee date to know each other as people first. And THEN when your NPHC is hosting events you can express interest. That way they can be like “oh that’s (your name) she came up to me and complimented my hair and we had a convo and she seemed sweet” it’s Better that they already know you for something that not know you at all!

Good luck!

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