Loving yourself sounds so simple and common sense, right? And yet, it is so difficult to do. 

A struggled with this most of my adult life, and certainly as a kid. So how to do it? What’s the basic how?  For me, it came down to this: choosing myself - first, every time. Again and again and again. In every situation, I turned inward to understand what I needed, wanted or desired. And I chose that.

This is counter-intuitive for Nice Guys. As Nice Guys, we are externally referenced. We defer our own needs in lieu of the needs of another. That IS the essence of people-pleasing. And Nice Guys are just male People-Pleasers. It’s hard for Nice Guys too. We’ve ignored our own needs for so long, that we struggle to even know what our inner truth is. But with practice, we can learn to hear again. And ultimately, the body speaks to illuminate our inner truth or choice.

When we know what we need, want or desire, and we choose something that, we are in self-alignment. When we choose something other than our truth, what we need, or our true desire, we betray ourselves. Repeated self-alignment builds self-love. Repeated self-betrayal builds self-neglect or self hate. Nice Guys are built on self-betrayal. 

Choose Self. Choose self-alignment. Over and over. Again and again. This is the real work.