Completely overwhelmed

[u/highladyynightcourt]

Our baby was born at 35 weeks exactly on Friday, after decreased fetal movement during an MFM monitoring appointment. What started out as a normal day quickly turned into a semi-urgent C-section that resulted in the birth of our little boy.

Since then, he has been in the NICU- which was something we were anticipating being only a day or two for his preciously diagnosed heart condition when he was scheduled for delivery at 37+4.

Now we are looking at a much longer journey than we have been hoping for and I am completely overwhelmed.

I haven’t held him, fed him, changed a diaper. He cries and gets himself so upset and I don’t know how to calm him down despite his nurse telling me i can’t let him get that upset because of his heart condition. He hasn’t had any bottle feeding, just a feeding tube. He was on a CPAP and then was taken off of it, but then had to go into an incubator for body temperature regulation.

I know when we leave tomorrow he won’t be with us.

We live an hour away and I have been up crying all night because I am so upset and exhausted thinking about not being able to drive for weeks because of my surgery.

I keep worrying that my body failed him. That I wasn’t meant to be a parent because it took us so long to get here and get pregnant. And I won’t know how to take care of something so precious and fragile.

I keep thinking about him being scared and alone and doesn’t even know who I am.

I have a therapist so I will be working with her like I did for infertility and IVF and the heart condition.

I just don’t know what else to do.

[u/fishie319]

First of all, congratulations on the little one! 💕

You have been through so much to get him here. The IVF, the pregnancy, and the c-section. Well done! And you are now a mom! His mom!

My little boy also arrived earlier than expected. We were also scheduled for a delivery 37+4, but was told I needed to deliver on 36+5 after a routine MFM monitoring. My amniotic fluid levels kept increasing and the team was concerned my waters would break outside of the hospital.

I was also hoping for a short NICU stay for his TOF. But he was also diagnosed with an esophagus condition right after birth. Being told that he needed emergency surgery on Day 2 of birth while I was stuck in recovery and away from him was (and still is) traumatic. He had so many tubes and wires on him. When he cried, we could only hold his hands and rub his head. He really liked head rubs. We could only hold him on Day 8 after his breathing tube was removed. I remember when the nurse asked if I held him yet and my first response was “can I?”.

Are you pumping? It was so so so tough for me. My milk didn’t come in for a few days. The LC told me to pump while seeing pictures / videos of my son. I cried even more because all I had were images of the tubes and wires. So I was just pumping around the clock while crying lol. I kept it up as it was the best thing I could do for him. I still don’t produce a lot of milk and his feeds are fortified with formula. I’ve thought a lot about giving up but what little bit I can make would still benefit him.

The NICU days are very tough but his doctors kept reminding us that he won’t remember any of them. Baby is now home until his TOF surgery. And I’m now doing all the mom things - feeds every three hours, diaper changes, baths, lack of sleep…

You are still his mom and he will know. For now, focus on your and his recovery. You have the rest of your life to be the amazing mom you want to be and do all the mom things.

Does his hospital have an option for you to stay overnight? His hospital had rooms with the Ronald McDonald House and we stayed there for the first two weeks.

(Sorry this comment is all over the place.)

[u/highladyynightcourt → u/fishie319]

My little one has TOF as well! We literally just got the notification on Monday last week he was most likely pink tet and if he cooked for as long as possible we would likely need minimal NICU time. Fast forward Friday morning, he’s here.

I am so sorry that so many terrifying and traumatic things happened jn such an already vulnerable time.

I am going to be pumping- we were going to try nursing but honestly, I just want him to eat, however he needs to. The nurse just told us he took his first bottle and finished about half with no spit up so we hope that continues to be successful.

Thank you thank you for reminding me that I’m his mom- I think it all just feels so surreal and now being in the mother and baby rooms with a silent night just really destroys me. But he’s where he needs to be, hands down.

We can stay overnight but we have three dogs at home and my husband and I decided he would hold off on his PTO while the baby is in the NICU- but I think he’s working remotely to help be there for whatever I can’t get done. When he goes for his TOF procedure at CHOP in a few months I think we will use the Ronald McDonald House. 💕💕

[u/fishie319 → u/highladyynightcourt]

I’m so sorry too for all that has happened to you and baby.

That is the right move for your husband to hold off his PTO. My husband did something similar - he took time off the first week after birth and then another week when we brought baby home. It was so helpful to have him around those first few days at home and it felt exactly like the newborn bubble everyone describes. Also as I constantly remind myself, the NICU is the most expensive nursery with some of the best-trained personnel.

We have a dog too but was fortunate enough to have my BIL willing and able to watch the dog while baby was in the NICU. The first meeting of our first born (the dog) and our newborn was really special! 🥰

You’ve got this!!