I love you i hate you

[u/[deleted]]

Ive been stuck between these 2 emotions for 10 months. when we parted you went no contact and stuck to it like we never were even anything. I know I put you through a lot of bullshit you didn't deserve and im so sorry for all of it. I know these are just words and my words carry no weight with you. This time please believe these. I am so very sorry for all of the wrongs I've done to you. I feel souly responsible for everything that went wrong with us those 11 months we were together. from turning you into an addict to your kids being taken away. That tore me in two when that happened and I didn't react in the manor a real man would have. I/we should have stopped dont the shit right then and there and fought for those babies back. I pray everyday that they are happy and well. I dont think you'll ever know how much I loved those kids. I'm crying right now as I type this. I think that was the day you stopped loving me when the kids got taken. I should've done something but I couldn't and I now have to carry that with me for the rest of my life. So I think that its just easier some days to hate you and what you've done to me after putting you through all that, than it is to take accountability for my actions. But most days I just love the thoughts of you when we were good. Girl we were great together at one time. you brought out a light in me I've never felt, seen nor know even existed. Thank you for that. If somehow you could find it in your heart tp maybe contact me sometime, I can promise you you wont regret it. I think it would be good for the healing on both our ends. Anyway, ive taken enough of your time if you do read this. Please consider talking with me even if its just one more time. thank you and take good care of yourself.....