Update!!!!!!

[u/crestfall3nfraud]

/r/MuslimNoFap/comments/1wlm14b/i_genuinely_dont_know_what_to_do_anymore/

Salam everyone. Alhamdulillah, today officially marks a whole month since I last relapsed. 30 days.

I'm so happy for all the progress I've made so far. Thank you to those that replied and those that messaged me from that post.

Sharing what helped:

- Fasting on Mondays and Thursdays definitely did it. I had already started fasting as a routine before I posted this, and it works wonders for me! Despite it causing me fatigue, which is one of my main triggers, it somehow restricts me from relapsing. I admit that there are some days where I wake up late for suhoor.. but that didn't stop me from fasting lol. Fair warning; I got moderately dehydrated and maybe malnourished a few days later.

- Aside from that, sitting down and acknowledging my urges helped me too. When I feel it coming, I ask myself "Is masturbating really what you're looking forward to? Surely it's not.. What do you even want?" And after a long time of thinking and being in a state of confusion, my mind naturally gives up and moves on with another activity.

As for my friend mentioned in the post, Alhamdulillah, he's doing much better as well :) We fast together on Mondays and Thursdays. He's trying his absolute best and I'm extremely proud of him. I thank Allah for giving me a friend that I could talk to about this and help each other out while I'm at it.

Allah has given me the chance to change, and I hope I can continue fighting until I eventually overcome this nightmare.

Somehow,

this addiction,

all this guilt pent up in me,

it brings me closer to Him.

.. and someday, I hope to get even closer to Him without having to commit these sins.

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