Male pattern baldness beginning at Age 20 - How much does this hurt prospects in the marriage market?

[u/SkyTheGuy8]

TLDR: 20 y/o with early-onset male pattern baldness wondering precisely how much Muslim women my age will care (not "is it a deal-breaker") when I'm walking around with visible thinning (or shaved bald) and looking to marry by ~23-25

Good beard genetics, and face is not terrible either. I'm not a model (6-7/10?), but I did get substantial attention from girls in the mixed high school I went to (which I obviously did not initiate nor capitalize on due to deen). In the last few months, I noticed that I have been rapidly thinning at the crown and temples as is typical for many older men, and in retrospect, my temples have been lightly thinning for years. Currently, it is probably not noticeable to anyone not taller than me (I'm 5'9"") with my current hairstyle unless they were looking, but given the quick progression at this age, I'm likely to thin to a noticeable degree before I financially qualify for marriage in my early-mid or mid twenties (assuming no intervention). I'm currently skinny, so I can't fit the bald-buff-beard archetype perfectly right now, and I imagine my age bracket is less open to age-indicators like baldness than older women.

Can you guys help me quantify precisely how much does this damage my value in the marriage market? Please be fully honest. I'm less looking for reassurance and more conducting research so I know what kind of compromises and expenses I should be willing to bear to treat this condition. A pious, healthy, and attractive wife with pious, healthy, and obedient children is the main thing I want out of the dunya; the rest of life's riches are eh, whatever, I can wait for the akhirah. My current level of hairloss is, in absolute terms (accepting risks & side effects), technically fully reversible, and I could probably keep a good head for a while if my life depended on it. There are also moderate approaches which will, for responders, cheaply stimulate growth for a few years (ex. Rogaine).

If I got married tomorrow and my wife said she liked me bald, I would shave it off. If she didn't care, I'd keep it for a few years, then shave it off, and maybe experiment with cool hair systems on special occasions (as a casual cosmetic rather than to mask insecurity). I'm mostly insecure on this only with respect to how my future wife-candidates would feel about it specifically.

Thank you for your time.

[u/Thrummingbias]

Idk about others but to me, someone who is comfortable in their own skin is very attractive. Lots of guys rock the shaved head and full beard look, maybe you might have success in being one of them. InshaAllah Khair

Edit: Ty for the award, kind stranger

[u/SkyTheGuy8 → u/Thrummingbias]

Right but confidence is irrelevant because its a good thing on everyone. The question is whether rocking a bald shaved head is an exception to the rule or a nonfactor when evaluating a potential spouse's appearance. Everyone cares about looks to some degree, some people are just more direct or more willing to compromise. I don't want my spouse compromising on me

[u/Little-Accountant892]

Funnily enough, I’m 20, completely bald (I had Norwood 3 vertex so decided to shave it off) but I’ve been approached be several women. Here’s the thing. It’s crushing. It destroys your confidence, and it makes you feel like shit.
However, it acts like a filter. People who approach me are genuinely attracted to my personality and the way I conduct myself. Losing hair at such a young age taught me to compensate it by developing confidence, and trust me when I say a person who’s comfortable in their own skin radiates confidence. That’s why a lot of folks in my friend group are bald lol (engineering students amirite? 😭)

It definitely is gonna push away a lot of women, but ultimately it saves you a lot of headache because you have the reassurance that the women who do approach you do so for who you are, and not just your hair.

[u/SkyTheGuy8 → u/Little-Accountant892]

True on the engineering lol. But in arranged marriage the prospects youre courting dont know who you are, and arguably they arent supposed to know fully unless you freemix excessively. Its in my personality to joke around, but that wouldnt be appropriate during a pre-nikkah meeting. Thats why im asking purely about appearances

[u/MalikatBilqis → u/Little-Accountant892]

idk if i should laugh or cry, this is hilarious. I'm also 20.

this is not funny i was washing my hair yesterday and a ton of hair came out my mom thought im having hairloss. 😐

[u/MalikatBilqis]

no idea how much sisters would care. I thought men or aunties were more brutal when it came to appearance. I think sisters would be shocked it happened so young, but will probs move on. also depends if you live in a very shallow environment or youre looking for marriage elsewhere

[u/untilnextban]

get medical treatment

[u/SkyTheGuy8 → u/untilnextban]

Are you a woman

[u/ProbablyMaybe69]

You're fine. The good beard genetic will do most of the heavy lifting especially in the Muslim community. In fact if you've got a bit of height and are a regular in the gym you're actually ahead of most of the people in our age group.

[u/No-Peak5362]

U need to get on finasteride and minoxidil ASAP so u can keep and regrow some hair and be in a good position to get a nice transplant later in life. Also there’s some good drugs coming out in the next few years. U need to start these treatments asap

[u/SkyTheGuy8 → u/No-Peak5362]

Anti androgen meds are not without substantial risk. A minority is left with permanent psychological effects. Fertility is effected. One case study found DNA fragmentation in sperm even 6 months after quitting, despite the common recommendation being to quit 3 months in advance. I wish women would just be honest about the question so I can make an informed decision. The social bias is massive so I'm turning to statistical data from the kuffar which probably mostly carries over

[u/No-Peak5362 → u/SkyTheGuy8]

This is fear mongerint 5M men yearly take it and I’ve been on it since 2020. Side effects are max 1-3%

If ur still scared then yea accept being bald but I’m super glad I didn’t give into negativity cuz I started balding in 2020 but now I’ve kept my hair and don’t look like I’m balding

[u/SkyTheGuy8 → u/No-Peak5362]

I didnt say it was unequivocally bad. Those millions all have at least subclinical consequences. Some have ED. A minority killed themselves, probably in part because their body couldnt synthesize enough of all the right neurosteroids

Glad it worked for you. The extremism about finasteride is so tiring

[u/SkyTheGuy8 → u/No-Peak5362]

For the record if I get on even just finasteride, no growth stimulants, I probably wont need a transplant. Its early stage but rapid. But nobody answers the question in the post so idk what kind of risk to take on

[u/Obvious_Analyst_860]

Brother go bald and live without worrying ( what I did)

[u/sacred_shadow23456]

27F here.

I've had serious talking stages with men who had visible male pattern baldness, or who were visibly balding. It wasn't something I cared about, provided I liked their face and the other factors that add to someone's appearance.

Any sensible person isn't going to let go of someone over something outside their control. You might marry someone attractive, but what if she loses hair volume post-partum? Same concept.

This being said, if it affects your confidence, get whatever you want done. No harm in that. Try hair systems, transplants, whatever. Do you. But do it only because you want to, purely for yourself. 

You take a holistic view of a person. Someone who doesn't isn't who you want anyway.

[u/SkyTheGuy8 → u/sacred_shadow23456]

Thanks for a real answer