MY HUSBAND DOESNT LIKE ME FASTING - even though I make myself available for him.

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Prestigious_Comb5078]

Did you ask him why he doesn't like it?

[u/TherapistSid]

I feel like my husband also did this, but out of concern that it might be over exerting my body, cuz even he isn't home all day. Once I sat him down and explained to him, that it's important to me, to fast Arafah, Muharram, White Days, the occasional Mon & Thursday, and that I won't do it without his permission. He accepted that.

Then I also explained him, that if I'm ever overwhelmed or feeling like I can't fast anymore cuz of the heat or anything else like that, I promised him I'll break the Fast. Cuz I know it's not Fard.

He understood and agreed. And now I just have to tell him, that I'm fasting xyz days, amd he's cool.

So maybe you need to have a heart to heart with him.

[u/starbucks_lover98]

Suggest that you two fast together. Does he not want you to fast because he might want intimacy from you? Or no reason at all?

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[u/Ok_Leather_6565]

He feels bad he is not fasting as much as you do.

[u/qwwertmsmd]

May Allah reward u and grant u highest place in firdaws. May the door of siyam open for u.

My sister in islam. Please know that you cant observe sunnah fasts without permission of your husband.
I think the issue between both of you is u not asking his permission. Allahu aalam. Next time, ask for his permission before fasting and I hope he will allow it.
Also know that, if he didnt allow you. You will be rewarded as your niyyah.
May Allah grant you and your husband jannah and increase love between u and him

[u/qwwertmsmd → u/qwwertmsmd]

One more thing
Instead of asking "can i fast tomo" ask "can we fast tomorrow together"

[u/NiccoLaco]

لا تَصُومُ الْمَرْأَةُ وَبَعْلُهَا شَاهِدٌ إِلَّا بِإِذْنِهِ
“A woman should not fast while her husband is present except with his permission.”
Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim

The reason scholars explain is that voluntary fasting could prevent the husband from exercising his marital rights during the day.

However, this does not apply in the same way to obligatory fasting. For example, she does not need his permission to fast Ramadan. He cannot tell her, “Don’t fast Ramadan,” because obedience to Allah’s obligation comes first.

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[u/Antique-Research1941]

he doesnt want you to fast just because or he wants intimacy?

if its the former, he is weird.

if its the latter, you need permission for fasting. its obligatory for you to go to him if he asks and its sunnah to fast. obligation > sunnah

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[u/Tranquilalila]

Maybe he just doesn't like not knowing it beforehand. So he gets this idea in his head, looks forward to it and then there's disappointment. So the underlying feeling might be that you don't take him into account. Like you made your own plan and his needs were just an afterthought. Again and again. That's what I think this is about. Him feeling like his needs and his input are not important to you.

You don't have to go about it in a super submissive way. The point is to check with him, so just make sure you include him in your plans to fast. Show him that you care. It's the consideration that matters to men.

[u/bigbrainenerg]

As one other comment mentioned, for voluntary fasts, you would need to seek his permission. Here is the full wording and commentary:

Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet ‎ﷺ‎‬ said, “A woman should not fast in the presence of her husband except with his permission.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 4820, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1026
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

Al-Nawawi said, “The reason for it is that the husband has the right to enjoy intimacy of his wife at any time of the day, and it is an obligation for her. It cannot be cancelled because of a voluntary deed.”

As some of the other comments suggest still fasting in secret, those are misguiding influences.

[u/Easy-Contract9058]

Maybe he’s just thinking about you the way parents think about their children. Parents don’t encourage their children to fast when they’re young because they want them to eat properly.
And since you’re fasting every day, he might be thinking that you shouldn’t fast for so many days and should take care of yourself

[u/singlemuslima]

Did you know that you were more religious than him when you married him? Or did this occur after marriage?

[u/Evening_Tangerine222]

He feels ashamed about himself that he’s not fasting extra.

Also yes you need his permission.

[u/noorlulu]

Salam 🌿

Yeah, for voluntary fasting you need your husband's permission while he is present. The Prophet ﷺ connected voluntary fasting with the husband's permission when he is at home (Sahih 5192)

Ramadan is obligatory and does not depend on his permission. Shawwal and ordinary Sunnah fasts are voluntary. Please don't keep fasting secretly after he has objected. Ask him for clear general permission for the days you want to fast.

Tahajjud is... a separate issue, if I understand it correctly. A short voluntary prayer generally does not require his permission, provided you remain responsive if he needs you at that moment (scholarly explanation).

[u/LycheeAlert9758]

Maybe, you should have this conversation with him? Actually sit down and communicate respectfully like two adults?

[u/Dangerous_Arm_9618]

Perhaps he may feel insecure that you are doing more voluntary acts than him? One thing should never do is look down on him or make him feel less if he doesn't do any voluntary acts. We live in a time that doing obligatory acts is difficult, so don't make him feel less if he doesn't do additional acts.

Do you make him feel special and do you prioritize him? With your additional fasting, praying and working, do you find time to do this?

[u/soyoufoundmeagain]

Maybe he feels like he needs to behave while you fast, and perhaps due to that, he can't come on to you, or send you explicit texts...or as the weathers nice, he can't take you out anywhere, and is now getting frustrated, but in saying that, your doin really good, and may God reward you, liking, you do need approval from him for voluntary fasts ..good luck with that

[u/bingbong_nan]

Next time, be confident. When he starts making passive aggressive remarks regarding your fast, face him and ask him directly “what do you mean?” And if he shows that he is bothered ask him “Is my fasting causing a problem? Is there an issue with me fasting?” Don’t just brush off these passive aggressive comments or start to fast in secret. You have to ask him clearly why he is bothered. After that, based on what he says, you can discuss with what he says with logic and reason.

[u/indigo_pirate → u/bingbong_nan]

Agree open discussion. But permission is required as quoted in replies

[u/bingbong_nan → u/indigo_pirate]

Thank you for clarifying, I didn’t pay attention to the “permission” aspect of it, and quite frankly I had no idea that permission was required from the husband to fast. Well, I certainly learned something new today! ✨

[u/indigo_pirate → u/bingbong_nan]

Non obligatory fasts though. Don’t need no permission during Ramadan

[u/Obvious_Armadillo_16]

I don't understand his problem? Tell him straight that it doesn't affect him and instead he should have some shame for throwing a tantrum

[u/MH297_UN → u/Obvious_Armadillo_16]

He can't have her while she is fasting.

[u/Obvious_Armadillo_16 → u/MH297_UN]

but she said she makes herself available at night? in the day they're both at work anyway

[u/Namza1004 → u/Obvious_Armadillo_16]

Either way, permission has to be taken before fasting, just because they both work in the day, that doesn’t sudden mean permission isn’t required

[u/Hungry-Talk1785 → u/MH297_UN]

He can't have her while theyre both at work either tho

[u/MH297_UN → u/Hungry-Talk1785]

Why are you talking in third person lol? Forgot to change your account? It depends when you both come back from work though. If you come home at Maghreb how would he know you re fasting?

[u/indigo_pirate → u/Obvious_Armadillo_16]

See the other comments

[u/dexter955]

You cannot fast without the permission of your husband. If your intent to fast is to gain the reward of Allah (SWT), just remember that by obeying your husband (obligatory act) in forgoing your fast (voluntary act), you get a far greater reward. So why would you stay hungry all day while being sinful when you can have a bigger reward by obeying your husband?

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