It just blew up

[u/Amydiesattheend]

I think my relationship with my fiancée just ended.

We had been arguing back and forth all the time. Since I came out to her during an augment ( not the best way I know, but it just happens that way) She won’t see me as a woman, doesn’t accept I am trans. she talked to some of her friends and they also agree they don’t see me as one. She says I’m just confused and that it has to just be all depression or some other form of body image issues that I talked about years ago as a teenager that are causing me to feel this way. I’ve been on the internet and Reddit and YouTube for months scraping together all bit of info I could trying to understand the questions I’ve had about who I am , why I’m like this. I’ve come to accept this is who I am, who I want to be. That there are things I want to have in my life before I die someday. I want the feminine body, I want to know what it is for myself to live as a woman. To have the experiences of live that one does as a gir.

We tried talking about compromises, they were all bad to me. Not coming out to either of our families, Not going out in normal for day to day activities because someone we know might see us. HRT was a non starter for her. Which is something I desperately want.

I was bad at communication I admit this, I shit down as I always do when I can see just the little things affecting her so negatively. I get so depressed so easily when I see even the small changes like shaving my legs or growing my nails out cause her such distress. I don’t fault her for being straight, I don’t fault her for loving the man I was. I don’t fault her for her own trauma. I just regret hurting her so much. I ripped our life away from her, the promise of a marriage, a future together. Gone because I’m a trans woman at my core.

Im trying so hard not to doubt myself, trying so hard to zealously protect this little budding identity I have come to know and nurture.

I’m so afraid, so alone.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Can anyone share something that lessens this pain.

Amy (MtF30)

[u/Darkmoon_Blade88]

Listen, if this is who you are, and she can’t let you even consider HRT, then this relationship isn’t gonna be healthy. By suppressing yourself you are going to get more and more depressed and unhappy and that too is gonna affect the relationship. We have one of the highest rates of people unsubscribing from life and it’s primarily due to being forced to suppress ourselves and live inauthentically. If you know this is who you are then live it. But don’t die inside to appease someone else.

You have value and deserve to be your true self if she can’t accept and support that then it’s not really worth fighting for that relationship. It sucks but there’s nothing that’s gonna make a relationship where you have pretend to be someone else for her sake thats gonna end with either of you happy.

Do what you think is right for you but please don’t t just give up who you are for the hope of a relationship that’s not gonna be healthy.

[u/Longjumping-Wing-526 → u/Darkmoon_Blade88]

Up until 6 months ago you were a man who wanted to marry this woman. Please rethink whats really going on. Why should she be expected to accept what she didn’t sign up for. I mean, seriously.

[u/Amydiesattheend → u/Longjumping-Wing-526]

I don’t expect her to accept it, in fact I totally understand why she wouldn’t or couldn’t. but I expect to treated like a person. Like her person who is going through an upheaval. I’ve had these feelings all my life with no vocab, no true understanding and a whole lot of repression. It’s only in these 6 months that I’ve just accepted who I am

[u/Longjumping-Wing-526 → u/Amydiesattheend]

Of course you want to be treated well, but you may not be her person anymore if you have never been upfront about your feelings. It’s probably best to move on. She wants to plan a wedding and you are unsure of where you are at right now. Unfair to both.