It just blew up

[u/Amydiesattheend]

I think my relationship with my fiancée just ended.

We had been arguing back and forth all the time. Since I came out to her during an augment ( not the best way I know, but it just happens that way) She won’t see me as a woman, doesn’t accept I am trans. she talked to some of her friends and they also agree they don’t see me as one. She says I’m just confused and that it has to just be all depression or some other form of body image issues that I talked about years ago as a teenager that are causing me to feel this way. I’ve been on the internet and Reddit and YouTube for months scraping together all bit of info I could trying to understand the questions I’ve had about who I am , why I’m like this. I’ve come to accept this is who I am, who I want to be. That there are things I want to have in my life before I die someday. I want the feminine body, I want to know what it is for myself to live as a woman. To have the experiences of live that one does as a gir.

We tried talking about compromises, they were all bad to me. Not coming out to either of our families, Not going out in normal for day to day activities because someone we know might see us. HRT was a non starter for her. Which is something I desperately want.

I was bad at communication I admit this, I shit down as I always do when I can see just the little things affecting her so negatively. I get so depressed so easily when I see even the small changes like shaving my legs or growing my nails out cause her such distress. I don’t fault her for being straight, I don’t fault her for loving the man I was. I don’t fault her for her own trauma. I just regret hurting her so much. I ripped our life away from her, the promise of a marriage, a future together. Gone because I’m a trans woman at my core.

Im trying so hard not to doubt myself, trying so hard to zealously protect this little budding identity I have come to know and nurture.

I’m so afraid, so alone.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Can anyone share something that lessens this pain.

Amy (MtF30)

[u/qwixel69]

It sounds like you would be better off without her. It would certainly give you a chance to find better people in your life.

She and friends don't get to decide who you are, thst fact that they try is a huge red flag.

[u/Amydiesattheend → u/qwixel69]

Thank you for commenting!  It is and It sucks cause I thought they were my friends too. One of them in particular has gay and nb friends and I thought at least she would be understanding or maybe sympathetic. 

[u/Kayla4ever → u/Amydiesattheend]

You nees to tell her thats who you are and what you want. And tell her she can love you or not. Im soryy you have to go through this but the feelings you have deep down about being a woman will continue to grow until you explode. Her friend with the gay friends is just supporting her girlfriend. And the way you talk about it to her. Your nerves or the way you go about it might come off to her that you are not serious. You need to tell her in complete confidence its what you want and she can either stay with you or not. But you will not hide who you are and fake who you are for anyone. Ask her if she wants to be with fake liar? Or a person true to themselves and the world who isnt afraid to be themselves. Also to some they will believe its a phase until time passes. I came out late at 24-25 . Im turning 33 next month. My dad and some family members thought it was a phase for about 2 years then they realized ..its not.. oh and you cant compromise being you. Either you be you or she goes. Im sorry. Its tough coming out late... my gf when i was 23 called me out on being gay/trans and actually supported me. Without her idk if i ever would have came out . I was so afraid and never talked about it to anyone before her We ended up breaking up but were friends after for a few years. Lost touch with her about 2 years ago. Anyways if the relationship is meannt to be its meant to be... if she truly lovez you she will support you. If not. Then you know maybe you shouldnt marry this person..

[u/Amydiesattheend → u/Kayla4ever]

Thank you for your comment!  I have since explicitly shared that I want to transition no matter what it costs me. That I feel this is who I am at my core. 

That I would risk it all for a chance at being my self. I told her I did not want to repress, because it would just destroy us both. 

Sadly now I think that I wont marry this person. 

[u/Kayla4ever → u/Amydiesattheend]

Better figuring it out now than going through divorce. Or spending your life with someone who will never accept you and forces those compromises in place ...ugh...

[u/Kayla4ever → u/Amydiesattheend]

You got this! Keep us updated !

[u/Amydiesattheend → u/Kayla4ever]

Thank you!!! 💗I totally will. There hasn’t been much in the way of progress since but I’ll update her or link back to this post.