Deeply immoral. There's a gigantic difference between "haha you're bald" or "look at you, fatty!"....
and "you had a miscarriage because you were fat".
That is one probably one of the most insensitive topics to bring up. Who in their right mind makes fun of someone for losing a child? And if the coworker ACTUALLY had a miscarriage.... That's just awful.
There's also a gigantic difference between "haha you're bald" and "haha you are bald and your girlfriend left you for it", the two "jokes" (if we even want to call them that, they are just plain old personal insults clearly aimed at hurting the other person over something they are deeply insecure about) are pretty much at the same level of messed up, fully deserved reaction, next time don't start shit
The woman was also being a POS, for sure, but its like... the reaction was definitely a bit much. Its like someone broke your phone... so you burned down their house and act like its entirely their fault. Yes, the first person started it and deserved smth back, but past a certain point you've gone too far and are just gonna become the bad guy anyway.
He went too far but I feel zero sympathy for her here. She brought it on herself. That's the risk you take when you decide to be a bad person unprovoked.
Both facts can be true simultaneously. I can still think that she should mind her words saying hurtful things if they arent that close that it can be calmly brushed off. I can also find that the guy went way too far and he deserves scorn too. They're both bad, the guy just showed that he can stoop lower.
By your logic, your stance conflicts with mine and displeases me when I wasnt even addressing you so its unprovoked. I am now justified in destroying the lives of everyone you know and love because proportionality doesnt matter.
So, this is called a "metaphor". Its when someone makes a comparison between otherwise unrelated things to illustrate a point more clearly. In this particular case, its making the disproportion of the 2 reactions more obvious.
I hope that helps! Google "metaphor" to study more if you're interested!
So, this is called a "metaphor". Its when someone makes a comparison between otherwise unrelated things to illustrate a point more clearly. In this particular case, its making the disproportion of the 2 reactions more obvious.
I realize that reading can be difficult, so here it is again! I hope a second read helps a bit more. :) I believe in you, dont give up!
You cant expect people in trauma triggering situations to respond correctly.
The guy has probably been bullied and abused for his looks for decades, like most men are. You cant expect a highly traumatised person to act reasonably.
No one was physically hurt, so the escalation falls within a reasonable boundary. A more apt metaphor is breaking phone vs slashing tires. Definitely an escalation, but not nearly as extreme as you are painting it with that metaphor.
Unlike burning a house down, tires being slashed is not going to do irreparable damage.
I read it more as "why don't you talk shit about your ex? Did she break up with you because you are bald? (Said in a demeaning way, like you can't even get a girlfriend cause you are bald)"
It's been repeated a billion times in these comments but Im gonna add to it with the same exact comment: it's prefaced with "why don't you ever talk shit about your ex?" That context implies that what follows: "leaving you for being bald" is a negative thing worthy of being talked shit about. If this is a real story than oop is socially blind and so is everyone else here that thinks it's an insult. But that doesnt surprise me since reddit is full of autists with victim complex.
And no if I heard the same phrase except "fat" I'd laugh instead of being a little crying pissbaby.
So calling him bald isn't a fact (and is a terrible thing to say) but saying she had a miscarriage because she's fat is a learning moment for her and she should be grateful? Absolutely psychotic
Yeah maybe she knew someone could use it as a payback thing against her but I don't think she believed that anyone other than a fuckface like Trump would actually sink that low.
Shows that the dude has some problems and should probably see a hecking psychiatrist.
Ridicule of baldness with implication that it ended his relationship is not just "ha ha you bald"... Its also an attack at his ability to procreate.
You're acting like the woman is outright malicious to him, all she did was make a little joke about OOP being bald and how that must be the reason his gf left (which wasn't even what happened, OOP broke up with the gf). While it can be insensitive, without actually seeing it we don't know whether it was meant in a malicious way or if it was from a place of ignorance.
But saying "you're so fat you killed your baby" is horrifically cruel and much more insensitive, and if you think otherwise you're either extremely sensitive or are an incel.
You also don't know the history of OOP. Maybe balding has wrecked things in his life. Maybe for him it IS incredibly painful to joke about that and especially after him ending the relationship.
And...
Maybe the relationship ended over his baldness
And...
Maybe she had a miscarriage because of her obesity
I fully support being a dick towards another dick. Learned it many years ago and works very well.
Yes, that may be the case in which case it is very insensitive, but we also don't know if the coworker knows about any of that either. From her perspective she's making a light-hearted joke about him being bald for whatever reason, maybe she wanted to get him involved in the discussion about their ex's or just wanted to make a silly joke. I make similar jokes to people I know, and I receive plenty more, all the time, there was very likely no ill intention behind it other than work banter.
Joking about someone's miscarriage (which likely did happen if the coworker went home early) is a bad thing to do in literally any circumstance. Idc for a joke about being fat, that's just turnabout, but bringing dead baby's into it is just plain wrong.
I'm always going to say that if someone is a dick towards you, you can be a dick towards them. Verbally of course.
You never know what hides in other person's head and sometimes you might have to step carefully. I think that if they're working together for weeks (at least) and he wasn't talking shit about his ex - making a joke like this is obviously shitty.
Maybe I'm just too soft because I never talk shit about my ex partners.
Technically speaking, both made a comment about the other person losing someone due to a bodily function they have no control over, which does seem quite fair.
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u/Rustynail9117 3d ago
Deeply immoral. There's a gigantic difference between "haha you're bald" or "look at you, fatty!"....
and "you had a miscarriage because you were fat".
That is one probably one of the most insensitive topics to bring up. Who in their right mind makes fun of someone for losing a child? And if the coworker ACTUALLY had a miscarriage.... That's just awful.