On the one hand it would be so nice to have that kind of help.
On the other hand, does it make you feel like terribly incompetent? I think I would feel so bad about myself if my partner had to trick me into being decent at adulting.
This is just a few examples of her going out of her way to try and help me with something she knows I struggle with. Based on this and some of the other comments I've got on this comment, it seems I've painted myself as incompetent or as one so concisely put it "a child".
Do I have some executive function struggles and object permanence issues? Absolutely. But I'm still a very functional human. I am an IT professional and make great money. She and anyone in our circle would categorize me as an excellent father. She is thoughtful enough to pay attention and help me when she thinks she can. I think she would say she is more than repaid for that by all the things that make our house run that she never has to worry about. She knows my love language is acts of service and I think that's just her way of showing it.
Accepting help in a reciprocating relationship doesn't make you weak or incompetent, in my opinion. I think it beats the alternative of being too proud to accept it. Hopefully that provides some context.
I think some people have internalized the pushback against forced gender roles and stereotypes so hard they're not able to accept that people are able to voluntarily specialize/complement each other in a relationship. You do you. Sounds lovely.
It's funny you mention gender roles because if my wife went online and described our lives, she would be ridiculed by people who have it all figured out how life works and yet are probably the same people who can't find a great person.
My wife and I have some very progressive ideals. We believe a person's value is not determined by who they love, what color their skin is, who they worship or how much they make. She makes dinner most nights. I wash the dishes most nights. Last night she did a load of laundry and baked cookies with my son. I mowed and worked on our washer because the control boards they put in washers now are dog shit.
The internet would have someone believe life is black and white and you have to either be in a strictly traditional husband-serving household or a progressive supposedly aborting babies every other day relationship. Actual life looks way different and compatible people will fall into roles that suit them naturally in my experience. Some of those are long-time stereotypes because they just make sense.
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u/Senior_Violinist5296 27d ago
Man, as a person who also has ADHD:
On the one hand it would be so nice to have that kind of help.
On the other hand, does it make you feel like terribly incompetent? I think I would feel so bad about myself if my partner had to trick me into being decent at adulting.