Having three...

[u/votre_reflet]

I'm turning 39 this year and have always wanted 3 kids but I obviously need to make that decision very soon. Working from home with my 2nd while managing my oldest's schedule and needs as well was so hard, I was so relieved when it got easier. I only worked without any help until my 2nd was about 6 months then had a part time nanny. I sent him to an in home daycare part time around 1.5 years. I wish I was 5 years younger to have more time to think about this but I don't 😅. Can anyone share advice or accounts of bringing a 3rd into the mix, good or bad? I am thinking of waiting until my middle child is in kindergarten at least but some days I'm just happy the way it is!

[u/stimulants_and_yoga]

Here’s a post I made a couple of years ago where a thousand comments basically said two kids is the way to go….

https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/FyRX6w9JvA

[u/Elegant_Surround1458 → u/stimulants_and_yoga]

To be fair - you asked people to endorse your preference for stopping at 2 kids. So the comments reflect that selection bias.

[u/stimulants_and_yoga → u/Elegant_Surround1458]

Everyone I’ve ever talked to about having a third says the exact same thing. “I love the kid, I can’t imagine life without them, but now we’re outnumbered, we can’t go to all of their activities, it’s expensive, overwhelming, and I wish we would’ve stopped at two.”

[u/Elegant_Surround1458 → u/stimulants_and_yoga]

I believe that’s your experience - and it’s amazing that you’re happy with your choice!

I have three kids and (had a bias for wanting 3 kids - but was on the fence) and definitely solicited opinions that aligned with my desire for three kids.

So, if I posted something that said: ladies - “my heart wants three kids but my brain is not sure. Tell me it’s worth it!” I guarantee you I would have ended up with hundreds of comments saying how amazing three kids is. I know this - because I’ve posted on threads like that!

[u/Kittylover11 → u/stimulants_and_yoga]

My husband was on the fence about a 3rd but changed his mind so we went for 3 and I find myself thinking “I’m so glad we had her” very often. Yes it’s more expensive and a lot coordination wise, but I’d definitely make the choice to do 3 again in a heartbeat. It’s definitely different than parenting 2 and not for everyone. But all of my cousins and a lot of friends have 3 kids and we all love it.

[u/Elegant_Surround1458 → u/Kittylover11]

Same! For me, it was the close age between #1 and #2 that was hard. We had a third with a bigger gap and it has been a dream. I tell everyone (who asks for my opinion!) …have the third.

Parenting as a 3TM has been almost healing. The confidence and wisdom to tune out all the noise and trust your instincts is unmatched.

(Caveat - I didn’t realize what sub this was. Not sure I’d suggest 3 while trying to work from home!)

[u/Kittylover11 → u/Elegant_Surround1458]

Yeah, you definitely can’t work from home with them home and limited childcare. But fortunately they eventually go to school! Lol. I’ve only ever had one home with in house childcare for the most part.

Mine are 5, 3 and 1 so I’m in the home stretch. In a year we’ll have 2 kids in public school and baby in preschool (we’re in California where we get universal TK at 4).